8 weeks post BU thoughts

[Floored]

It's going to be eight weeks soon. I don't count the days anymore, but I remember because it was a Friday. It's funny to see how little time has actually passed; two months is nothing, but it has felt like the longest chunk of my life. I feel much older now, not that I like feeling that way at all. Jaded is a better word.

 

Something finally snapped a few weeks ago. I never thought I'd actually be over her in merely two months, but I've been lucky(?) to have such an angry and hating ex, as it's helped to push me farther from her. I broke NC once, though she broke it the first time; both ended with her swearing me out as my heart gushed for her. Not pretty. Shocking, considering all I thought we had been through and thinking we would have at least friendship forever, but she is so thoroughly nasty to me that it just wasn't hard after a while to say, "I don't deserve that anymore."

 

People wonder every day on here what the point of no contact is, so for you fresh round of heartbreaks, let me tell you- it's not to get them to miss you and get them back, it's to save yourself additional pain. A breakup is horrible enough, to listen or read from your ex things to make you hurt worse can be torturous. I thought I could still overcome those odds and reach her. After failing a few rounds of this torture, I'm finally clean, the scorched-earth kind. There's just nothing left to burn.

 

It was after that last round of spiteful words coming from her that it finally just stopped. Yes, I still have feelings for her, but only in the sense that she was a big part of my life for so long and I'm sad to see the good times go, but I'm not sad that she's out of the future picture. It happened, I wish it didn't happen that way but I'm glad it just went and got itself over with. Some nights I wonder what she's up to. Some nights I miss someone beside me. Most nights I just fall asleep not even wondering what she's doing, and it's a relief.

 

One of the first things I did when she dumped me was to make a list of things to do to get myself back to a place where she'd take me back: Get my school affairs in order. Get a job promotion. Get a few extra ratings on my vehicle licenses. Run a few street races and sign up for a half-marathon. Lose 20 pounds. Play a few rounds of my favorite video games that I haven't played in years.

 

I've been scratching them off one by one, and I think that alone has helped me move forward. Somewhere, it went from doing them to get back with her, to doing them to get them over with for the next girl, to doing them because they are things I like to do. I would encourage people to make a list as well, and make them challenging things, things that will significantly shape your life. Even if you initially set them up like I did- to somehow get him or her back- you will find yourself more and more being absorbed in getting your life together only for you. To me, this was keeping busy, and it's how I made it through without losing all of my mind.

 

I suppose I just wanted to mark off another month of thoughts, if only for my own records. It's been a retarded journey in every sense of the word, as well as a dark and difficult one.

[Gab09]

Hey Floored,

 

I'm so happy for you moving on, so happy to hear that man.

 

I am going through the darkest time of my life and I guess every bit of inspirational word helps a lot.

 

You wouldn't happen to have an older thread where you shared your story would you?

 

Thanks man,

 

from a broken heart to another :/

[Coyoteloco]

nice words man! my life also got from really good to im on my own now lol i feel better though

[KatZee]

Yes, I still have feelings for her, but only in the sense that she was a big part of my life for so long and I'm sad to see the good times go, but I'm not sad that she's out of the future picture. It happened, I wish it didn't happen that way but I'm glad it just went and got itself over with. Some nights I wonder what she's up to. Some nights I miss someone beside me. Most nights I just fall asleep not even wondering what she's doing, and it's a relief.

 

I'm 4 months post break up and I'm at this point now as well. I still do think of him often, when things remind me of him, but just this morning I was walking out of my apartment, and I thought of him, and realized I didn't really feel anything. Not anger, not sadness for him, no pain, or anxiety, or hurt, or anything. And I was like, "why am I thinking of him then?" and I realized that I was just sad that things got to this point, how we went from one end of the spectrum to the other. How did we get here? But beyond that there is nothing.

 

I actually found old sweatshirts of his in my closet, and came across the jewelry he bought me. I hung the sweatshirts up, and I'm contemplating wearing the earrings. They're diamonds... why the hell not?!!

 

I'm proud of myself and of course you for getting to this point. I'm happy. I'm enjoying life. I'm not lonely, there is no drama, no more emotional turmoil. It's just mememememe! all day long and I love it.

[Floored]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/337330-happens-everyone

 

@gab09: That's my first thread. I didn't want to overly burden my friends with my breakup, so a lot of the details are known only on LS, but I couldn't keep it all in anymore. It's pretty pathetic, I think I had about four hours of sleep total in four days, and it was getting to a point that work and health would start to go down the toilet if I didn't let off some pressure. Too many nights staring at the wall, I'm sure you know how it goes; I had to dump it somewhere. Enjoy

 

@both ya'll: That's kind of why I wrote this, to show that time sometimes heals only after you hit a point where you don't think you can take much more. I remember how dark and depressed I was throughout my first few weeks, how I felt and still feel so used in every aspect (emotionally, financially, academically, physically), and how little by little I've been piecing it back together. I'm nowhere near how happy I was during the height of the relationship, but I also know now that my happiness was based on false pretenses; she could never fully commit. You hear a lot how you have to find happiness in yourself before you can be truly happy in a couple, I suppose this is a bit of how I'm working to find out what that means.

 

Moving on, at least for me, was never a destination, like I would hit a point and unlock an achievement "I'm over her". Moving on has been and still is a day-to-day and sometimes even hour-by-hour effort to just keep moving, to not let her leaving me the way she did lock up my own personal plans. I was counting on her to be by my side, so I had to erase that and start fresh from a position of doing it all alone. Most times, I really sucked at it and I made some mistakes, mostly in contacting her, drunk-dialing her, etc.

 

I think the more fantastic of a lover you are in a relationship, the more miserable you'll have it in a breakup.

 

If you can love that fantastically once, you can get back to that state and even greater IF you allow yourself. It's hard to even fathom giving that kind of love to anyone else, but that someone else is in a position to recognize that great fountain and appreciate it and even return it back to you.

[Floored]

I'm 4 months post break up and I'm at this point now as well. I still do think of him often, when things remind me of him, but just this morning I was walking out of my apartment, and I thought of him, and realized I didn't really feel anything. Not anger, not sadness for him, no pain, or anxiety, or hurt, or anything. And I was like, "why am I thinking of him then?" and I realized that I was just sad that things got to this point, how we went from one end of the spectrum to the other. How did we get here? But beyond that there is nothing.

 

I actually found old sweatshirts of his in my closet, and came across the jewelry he bought me. I hung the sweatshirts up, and I'm contemplating wearing the earrings. They're diamonds... why the hell not?!!

 

I'm proud of myself and of course you for getting to this point. I'm happy. I'm enjoying life. I'm not lonely, there is no drama, no more emotional turmoil. It's just mememememe! all day long and I love it.

 

Haha, thanks Kat. I've been finding a few things she bought me too, most of it I just kind of put WAAAY into the back of a closet. My favorite gift from her was a watch she gave me on our second anniversary. I haven't had the heart to even look at it since the breakup, and it'll probably just sit in the box of trinkets until it dies. Could pawn it, but I doubt I'd get enough to justify that heartless action. It wasn't an overly expensive watch, it's real value being sentimental, which I don't really want now anyway. Maybe it'll become my new work watch.

 

I think one of my lame ramblings to her was something about how we (she) couldn't even text nicely after years of puppy-love talk. She replied by calling me an assh*le and that was the last bit of comm I heard from her over two weeks ago, and I guess I wouldn't care if that was it. Other girls have nicer things to say now anyway. I suppose that should be another good thing to add for people who are fresh into their breakup:

 

Give it some time, and other people will start to look really good again, and you'll remember how to add that flirty edge in conversation that makes it fun to talk to your preferred gender again. I kind of shut that down after I got serious with my ex, so that's been another relearning process, and most times my lines and pickup pizzazz are pretty terrible. But I laugh and sometimes they do so it's worth it. If you're having some trouble finding your charm, just remember this: you have a better chance with this person/stranger/ex's sister than you do with your ex. It can't get any worse than the reason that brought you here to LS, better to make a laughable goof in the grocery/barbershop/back alley than to call your ex.

 

By the way Kat, how's that new thing going with the long-time-guy-friend-crush thing? I suppose it's about time I migrate over to the dating sub too.

[bluefairy812]

good for you in moving on, i just made 8 weeks yesterday, and just like you it's been a journey, very dark and cold. i hope i can get to this point soon. i have already signed up for a dance class

[KatZee]

By the way Kat, how's that new thing going with the long-time-guy-friend-crush thing? I suppose it's about time I migrate over to the dating sub too.

 

BLECH! Just how it's been for the past 12 years! hahaha we hang out, it's awesome and then he falls off the earth. I should have just taken notes from my ex. My ex is a Virgo, never really knew where I stood with him, and same with this old friend. Virgo, and pretty much has the same tendencies as the ex. So I'm staying away from it.

 

I was infatuated for a full 3 days or so and it's back to just doing me again, lol. As it always goes with him.

 

I'm in the mindset where I'm not looking for a relationship right now. If I happen to stumble into something, fantastic, but I'm kind of enjoying life as it's going right now

 

Plus, I have half of season 3 and all of season 4 of Fringe to catch up on before season 5 starts! How the hell would I ever be so productive with a boyfriend?!