Is he looking for a relationship or a friend with benefits?

[katie9090]

2 years ago I went out with a guy I met online while I was seperated.

I wasn't totally over the ex, and now looking back I realize he knew I wasn't fully free.

 

I got back in touch with him a year later, and he asked what I was looking for...

A relationship or friends with benefits.

 

Well, I was thinking HE wanted no strings...And I was really interested in him, thinking a little is better than nothing, So I said I'm thinking its a relationship, but whatever is meant to be between us....

 

Well, nothing worked out because of our schedules and we lost touch for about 6 months.

 

So now we get together for lunch, and one of the first things he is asking is about my divorce (also asked me on the phone a few weeks prior, as well as asking if I was seeing anyone else). He gave me this huge hug goodbye, and never once was anything physical brought up....

 

Most of my friends say he is really interested in me, he is just afraid I will go back to the ex again, or he thinks *I* am the one not ready for a relationship... and he doesn't want to put his heart on the line until he knows I am.

 

What do you think??

 

If he only wanted a friend with benefits...

 

Would he have invited me to lunch?

Would he care about my divorce?

Woul he care if I was seeing others?

Would he be hugging me? (it seems more emotional than physical)

[honey2005]

I dunno, I'm leaning more toward the relationship, but I think you should ask him. There's no better way to find out.

[Tony]

"If he only wanted a friend with benefits...

 

Would he have invited me to lunch? Yes, people invite people to lunch every day of the year and not desire a relationship with them.

 

Would he care about my divorce? Curiosity, conversation. Just because he asked about your divorce is no indication of what his motivation was for asking or a sign that he wants anykind of relationship at this time.

 

Would he care if I was seeing others? Curiosity, conversation. He could want a relationship. He could want to feel a lot more comfortable if you were seeing others. It could take some pressure off of him.

 

Would he be hugging me? (it seems more emotional than physical) Hugging is just a step up from shaking hands. Men do it to each other, women do it to each other, men and women do it. Hugging is just a nice, friendly gesture in the greater number of cases. Two people who really mean business go well beyong hugging as a greeting.

 

I'm not wanting you to get the idea that he doesn't want a relationship with you but he won't know and neither will you until the two of you get to know each other a lot better, if he wants to take the time to do that. If he sticks around for a period of time, makes you feel special, and lets you know he just wants the two of you to see each other exclusively, then you'll know he wants a relationship.

 

Meanwhile, you're still a free agent.

[vanandme4him]

Yes he would...to all your questions.

[sami]

Both of you are just chickens.

[katie9090]

Thanks for the replies

 

So do you think I was correct in assuming that

when he asked what I was looking for (A relationship or friends with benefits)

he was asking because he wanted no strings or was he asking because he didnt understand what I was looking for from him?

[mronederful]

my advice (for what it is worth) is to talk things over with him, but it sounds like it may be a little early on for that. go with it for a while, see what happens. if he hasn't known you all that long, how would he know what he wants? and how do you?/ he has asked all the questions, do you know ANYTHING about him?