ThaWholigan Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Was talking to my mum today about me and my brother, as she was concerned about us. My brother wants to move out, like ASAP. I also want to move, but I'm not as hasty. I think my mum wants us both to stay a while, yet we're both in our 20s (I'm recently 24, he's 21 in October). The discussion went towards dating (specifically my brother's choice in girlfriends), and I expressed that I didn't feel entirely comfortable dating seriously while I had not yet started my business and was still living at home (as it is, I don't think it serves me well to take it too seriously regardless). Mum didn't take this well, and said I was silly for thinking about it like that, pointing out the numerous examples of guys as close as on our road, who are my age and older, yet still live at home with parents, and even have children, including one of my very good friends. Nonetheless, it pondered some thought about my position going into this discussion. I consider myself a working progress spiritually, mentally, physically and financially, and that I will go far eventually - putting in the work that is. But I started to think that maybe I was putting too much emphasis on being the total package and that maybe it won't be so bad to be a little more proactive about dating, something I've been relatively laidback about, even though I'm still a late bloomer. I think it's better for me if I reach some kind of happy medium, where I am dating while I continue my progression, and I am relatively happy with my somewhat adapted stance. What do you think? Is the working progress, better off.......well, working on his progress? (). Do you place more relevance on being the total package?
Imported Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Work in progress. And it really depends how old the girl is and where she is at in life. 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Work in progress. And it really depends how old the girl is and where she is at in life. Ahh, noted. Work IN progress. Thanks.
SmileFace Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) This is why I have had an interest dating seriously. Since I am still growing as a person. The most recent guy wasn't some one I intentionally planned to fall for and if it doesn't work out I don't plan to be in a relationship until the completion of my degree so I can understand the work in progress. If you're any thing like me my fellow Virgo - I personally always wanted the best me to present to a partner. Edited September 5, 2012 by SmileFace 1
Ruby Slippers Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 We are all works in progress, no matter how far along we are. I think you should date when you feel ready and interested in doing so - and there's no rush 2
the ill-made knight Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I wouldn't date someone who wasn't trying to better themselves. Bettering ourselves should be a constant process throughout life. I don't think any of us should just stop at a certain point. 2
espec10001 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I think that many times we think other people have it together and all figured out. The reality is, they appear to have it all together, but it's a facade. Most of the time they don't. Humans are not perfect beings, we all have our faults and our mistakes, that's what makes us human. Honestly, I find people who are more "real" to be attractive. Real as in, life is tough, we can't all be rich and hugely successful, but let's be thankful and enjoy what we DO have. I think the hyper-technological and extremely fasted paced world we live in makes it seem like we should be performing like perfect robots, but humans are not meant for that. I blame the media and the garbage message and harmful images of what "success" looks like for all this. All it does is put money into their pockets from people buying into it and believing it.
MrCastle Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 If I had to pick the #1 reason for my dating failures, it would probably be the standards and restrictions I put on myself. I want to be at my best physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially, before I start looking at serious dating prospects. Part of that is because I'll land the highest quality woman I possibly could, but also because I demand a lot for myself. I don't want to be the guy, I want to be the guy. That's why I'm just waiting around hoping for success to drop in my lap here and there, and then once I reach where I want to be, I'll start actively pursuing.
Imajerk17 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 ThaWholigan, I think you and your mom are at cross purposes. You are thinking of your own happiness and dont want to get seriously involved for someone who isnt right for you. Your mom probably wants you to settle down because 'its the right thing to do'. With women its really more about where you're headed than anything and you seem to have a very good head on your shoulder.
USMCHokie Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I don't know if your situation in life should necessarily play a determinative role in how ou approach dating, as it introduces additional complications and worries to an already "complicated" game. And if you prescribe to this idea of being a "total package" before you start seriously dating, then I assume you also prescribe to the market theory of dating...that is, you want to be as "competitive" on that market as possible... Why not just go with boy likes girl, girl likes boy method...?
Author ThaWholigan Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 I don't know if your situation in life should necessarily play a determinative role in how ou approach dating, as it introduces additional complications and worries to an already "complicated" game. And if you prescribe to this idea of being a "total package" before you start seriously dating, then I assume you also prescribe to the market theory of dating...that is, you want to be as "competitive" on that market as possible... Why not just go with boy likes girl, girl likes boy method...? I don't really adhere to the ideal of total package because I don't really believe in it - nobody really is the "total package" as it was pointed out more than once above. I try not to see it as marketing, but I recognize that a lot of people do, so I adapt. I'm much more accepting of the boy likes girl method than the market theory. I think occasionally about my life situation primarily because so many girls I meet want to date a man "who has his own place". I don't think it's unreasonable to want that either. ThaWholigan, I think you and your mom are at cross purposes. You are thinking of your own happiness and dont want to get seriously involved for someone who isnt right for you. Your mom probably wants you to settle down because 'its the right thing to do'. With women its really more about where you're headed than anything and you seem to have a very good head on your shoulder. Mum isn't really worried about me not settling down - I think she's more worried about me bringing home a white girl as my SO . If anything, I love my mum bless her, but she's part of the reason I don't really want to bring home girls I may be dating. She's found fault with both of my brothers long-term girlfriends, to the chagrin of my brother. I agree that it's usually about where you are headed of course. I'm starting to wonder if it is my own discomfort with my life situation that I am projecting. Probably is.
monkey00 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Mothers will be mothers. I'm independent as a person and she pesters me every week about when I'm going to bring home a girl for her to meet. You're still young and have a lot of your life ahead of you and within the dating realm also. You should live life to your own beat. I think your mom just wants what's best for you. Nothing wrong with taking a back-seat laid back approach to dating either. I was a late bloomer too and didn't kiss my first girl till I was in college. 1
runner Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Was talking to my mum today about me and my brother, as she was concerned about us. My brother wants to move out, like ASAP. I also want to move, but I'm not as hasty. I think my mum wants us both to stay a while, yet we're both in our 20s (I'm recently 24, he's 21 in October). The discussion went towards dating (specifically my brother's choice in girlfriends), and I expressed that I didn't feel entirely comfortable dating seriously while I had not yet started my business and was still living at home (as it is, I don't think it serves me well to take it too seriously regardless). Mum didn't take this well, and said I was silly for thinking about it like that, pointing out the numerous examples of guys as close as on our road, who are my age and older, yet still live at home with parents, and even have children, including one of my very good friends. Nonetheless, it pondered some thought about my position going into this discussion. I consider myself a working progress spiritually, mentally, physically and financially, and that I will go far eventually - putting in the work that is. But I started to think that maybe I was putting too much emphasis on being the total package and that maybe it won't be so bad to be a little more proactive about dating, something I've been relatively laidback about, even though I'm still a late bloomer. I think it's better for me if I reach some kind of happy medium, where I am dating while I continue my progression, and I am relatively happy with my somewhat adapted stance. What do you think? Is the working progress, better off.......well, working on his progress? (). Do you place more relevance on being the total package? TW, i think you're already a pretty darn good package as is (going on your posting history here). don't sell yourself short, and give it a chance if it comes your way. if anything, i would reckon that a good woman by your side could inspire you in that business you're putting together. 2
somedude81 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I know I'm a work in progress, but I also feel I am completely ready to start dating and have a serious relationship, despite what anybody on this forum says. Interestingly, my mom who divorced my dad roughly 25 years ago, hasn't had a boyfriend in over 10 years and believes that a no decent men would want her because she doesn't consider herself to be a total package. She wants to have a good career and buy a house first before she starts dating. IMO, she should have to tried to start dating five years ago.
Leigh 87 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 (edited) This is why I have had an interest dating seriously. Since I am still growing as a person. The most recent guy wasn't some one I intentionally planned to fall for and if it doesn't work out I don't plan to be in a relationship until the completion of my degree so I can understand the work in progress. If you're any thing like me my fellow Virgo - I personally always wanted the best me to present to a partner. I think along those lines too. However, I met someone when I was well short of being the best version of myself. I was not even a complete version of myself in any sense of my development ( intellectually, spiritually, and physically) The thing is: sometimes you meet someone, have no serious plans to be with them long term, but then it just happens. As it with with me and my partner. I do not regret it, however to eliminate a lot of emotional turmoil ( if you have any severely stunted areas of your development), I highl recommend not even putting yourself in that situation. It is not fair to a person, if you have serious issues. You will bring them down. Fortunately for you, you do not appear to have anything detrimental to your development that would make you hell to deal with, therfore I would welcome any relationship if it is right. There is a difference between welcoming the " right" person into yourlife, and " seeking" a mate. Obviously, it is not wise that you look, seeing as it is not the right timing for you. However, if you DO happen to meet the rigth person for you, I say go for it! Edited September 6, 2012 by Leigh 87 1
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