barese1 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 bluefairy, Don't be too hard on yourself. I know what my biggest heartache is over my current and old break up. Its not that they ended it. Its that afterwards its clear they were over it, didn't struggle and didn't miss me in any way. It hurts only because we feel the opposite. To be honest that only goes away with time but I would have killed to have either of the last two exs just say 'hey I know we're over, but it has been difficult for me' but I never did. Chin up, do something, anything now to distract yourself. Want to write my dissertation? 1
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 .... Chin up, do something, anything now to distract yourself. Want to write my dissertation? oooh! Don't tempt me!! Subject? Word-count? I LOVE dissertations! Sorry bluefairy, I got in first - but you can do the literal research, ok? 1
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 thanks guys, i just don't know where to start.. i was doing so good until he told me he misses me like crazy and was showing his interest in asking about my personal life.
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 he doesn't miss 'you' like crazy. if he did, he'd want you back. he misses 'other stuff' like crazy. And why did he ask about your personal life? I think we covered that one, didn't we....? Honey, come on, chin up... Big step forward. Now you know what you're dealing with. Stick to NC. Stick with us. We'll help you. 1
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) thanks again tara, and everyone else who has provided me with their words. it really helps to be here. i spoke to him tonight. for the last time. this really feels like a drug. i kept wanting more even though it would hurt me. i told him i feel like he doesn't know what he wants and he denied it. he assured me this is exactly what he wants. it sounds completely stupid and insane right now, but i'm devastated. i feel like a loser. i'm back in this dark, twisted and lonely place. all too familiar, it was exactly where i was 9 weeks ago. i'm hurting and i wish i wasn't hurting for someone who doesn't want me. again, i'm glad i didn't give into hooking up yesterday. as bad as this is, it could've been worse. i'm not ok right now and i look forward to the day where i don't need to think about him and feel like crying or sadness or feel the need to compare every guy to him. i want to smile and feel love again, i have never felt love the way i did with him. i was head over heels and convinced he was going to marry me one day and that he was the one. i'm shattered. and i won't be spending his birthday with him.. and i won't be wishing him happy birthday either. i'm dead from this point on to him. please, to anyone who wants to break no contact, spare yourself the pain, it's not worth it. it doesn't do anything good at all. it takes you even deeper into the pain. it takes you to hell to be exact. it creates an even deeper scar. it's not ok what i'm feeling right now and i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Edited September 11, 2012 by bluefairy812
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Remember how this hurts, because this pain helps others heal. The fact you hurt shows how 'alive' you are. You're a young, passionate, caring, loving, generous, free-spirited young lady. And you deserve to smile. But please don't fall into the trap of believing that your happiness is dependent on the presence of a SO. Sure it's great, but YOU complete you - nobody else does. You have to switch your mind-set from missing him - to missing you. Open up your heart to change, and welcome a new day. so what if it's on your own? it means you don't have to share. Even if you sit today and wallow, ok. That's your prerogative. This is for you now... But promise yourself that by something-o'clock, you'll turn your mind to other things. By all means grieve. But don't self-sabotage and prolong your own agony. You don't deserve to do that to yourself. 1
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) tara thanks for being amazing and i feel honored that you have been able to provide me comforting and real guidance. thank you so much. i know they say things happen for a reason, but it kills me to know i was there for this person through thick and thin, he was a nobody when i met him, i pushed him to go to school, to work hard.. and now he is succeeding...so now some b*tch gets to enjoy what i was supposed to enjoy??? on top of that, he has changed into a typical f*cking guy..it devastates me. why do people change after a break up? never in a million years would i do this to him and treat him the way he has treated me. he didn't even have the balls to apologize for asking to hook up in my face, rather by text message. he didn't have the balls to break up with me either, i was the one who walked out and he went for the ride... and a week later when i returned, he decided that was it, but if i would've stayed, he would have stayed with me. soooooooooooooo sad. i feel trapped... Edited September 11, 2012 by bluefairy812
Sugarkane Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 The so called "Love Doctor" mentioned by the OP on page one, is a complete quack. Be awarre. After I got dumped I was curious and asked her for advice. How can you get them back if they never contact you ever again? I asked. She refused to answer my question at all. So much for helping people. Was my question too difficult?! 1
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 And actually, with the greatest respect to bluefairy, that... i've come across a website where the author says no contact is for people who have issues and it doesn't work. .....is not actually what was said in the article at all.... It won't let me copy and paste, but the article quite clearly states that NC is about the person, not the partner....
stillafool Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Bluefairy did your ex ever come right out and tell you he was in love with you? Or, did he say things like "I care so much for you, etc., anything but coming straight out and declaring his love? He sounds so much like one of my exes from a long time ago and I was just wondering. I can tell you that the fact that he knows you are over there suffering for his love is giving him energy. He kept contacting you because he wanted to know your emotional state. They want only what they can't have and have to work for. Grieve and get up and get over him. Don't ask him anymore questions about his personal life or let him ask you anything about yours. Next time he contacts you don't respond, don't respond. Start moving on and consider him dead. I know it sounds cruel but you can't be his friend because you still love him and he doesn't want you back. You have to pick up your little heart and do whatever is best to get you through this. He will continue to pull at you without wanting you back even while he has moved on to another girl. His type loves to have someone pinning for them. Show him that you have no intentions of waiting around and watch his reaction. He still won't really want you back but he will be relentless in his pursuit of a FWB type relationship. Once they tell you they don't see a future with you they have moved on to try to find the perfect girl. Always searching for perfection.
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 bluefairy, Don't be too hard on yourself. I know what my biggest heartache is over my current and old break up. Its not that they ended it. Its that afterwards its clear they were over it, didn't struggle and didn't miss me in any way. It hurts only because we feel the opposite. To be honest that only goes away with time but I would have killed to have either of the last two exs just say 'hey I know we're over, but it has been difficult for me' but I never did. Chin up, do something, anything now to distract yourself. Want to write my dissertation? my ex told me it had been hard for her to.. trust me it doesnt make it easier. considering we arent together now. if anything it just made me hate the fact we broke up and in the mean time she slept with others and so did i. not that it matters. shes moved away again @blue f just seems like this guy isnt in the mind set of having a relationship with you. that would have bruised his ego that you didnt sleep with him. id be careful about this guy, remember it doesn't matter how someone was before all that matters is what they believe now and how they act
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Bluefairy did your ex ever come right out and tell you he was in love with you? Or, did he say things like "I care so much for you, etc., anything but coming straight out and declaring his love? He sounds so much like one of my exes from a long time ago and I was just wondering. I can tell you that the fact that he knows you are over there suffering for his love is giving him energy. He kept contacting you because he wanted to know your emotional state. They want only what they can't have and have to work for. Grieve and get up and get over him. Don't ask him anymore questions about his personal life or let him ask you anything about yours. Next time he contacts you don't respond, don't respond. Start moving on and consider him dead. I know it sounds cruel but you can't be his friend because you still love him and he doesn't want you back. You have to pick up your little heart and do whatever is best to get you through this. He will continue to pull at you without wanting you back even while he has moved on to another girl. His type loves to have someone pinning for them. Show him that you have no intentions of waiting around and watch his reaction. He still won't really want you back but he will be relentless in his pursuit of a FWB type relationship. Once they tell you they don't see a future with you they have moved on to try to find the perfect girl. Always searching for perfection. since the day i tried to go back, 2 months ago, he has not once said he was in love with me. he says he loves me but is not in love with me. he says he loves me though but its complicated (whatever that means.) he says that we are not meant to me. he loves me but doesn't see a future.... and that its not me its him... and that it was the hardest decision he has ever had to make... because he was unhappy. really sad. bc no matter what i never gave up. a week AFTER i called it over i went back like an IDIOT! cry and begging. anyway, the point is, he was just checking in with me, i guess to relieve his guilt. he was dying to know if i was dating someone. all because he wanted to know. which again i'm sure its to relieve his guilt that i am doing OK. the good news is he understands now we cannot be friends. it's better that way. but i established it was just him giving me breadcrumbs. it's not worth it ever to break NC unless they are literally begging you for mercy. ALL OF THIS, HAS ONLY MADE ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL, MADE ME STEP ON MY DIGNITY, AND LOSE MY SELF RESPECT. so at this point, your right, he's dead to me, i did my deed i guess as the bigger person in wishing him a happy birthday, but for what? i didn't get anything out of it. its not worth it and its pointless. 1
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 since the day i tried to go back, 2 months ago, he has not once said he was in love with me. he says he loves me but is not in love with me. he says he loves me though but its complicated (whatever that means.) he says that we are not meant to me. he loves me but doesn't see a future.... and that its not me its him... and that it was the hardest decision he has ever had to make... because he was unhappy. really sad. bc no matter what i never gave up. a week AFTER i called it over i went back like an IDIOT! cry and begging. anyway, the point is, he was just checking in with me, i guess to relieve his guilt. he was dying to know if i was dating someone. all because he wanted to know. which again i'm sure its to relieve his guilt that i am doing OK. the good news is he understands now we cannot be friends. it's better that way. but i established it was just him giving me breadcrumbs. it's not worth it ever to break NC unless they are literally begging you for mercy. ALL OF THIS, HAS ONLY MADE ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL, MADE ME STEP ON MY DIGNITY, AND LOSE MY SELF RESPECT. so at this point, your right, he's dead to me, i did my deed i guess as the bigger person in wishing him a happy birthday, but for what? i didn't get anything out of it. its not worth it and its pointless. think your missing the point, he asked you because he wanted to know if you had replaced him already. he likes to know you are still on heart strings for him. he loved you. i.e you both have history but now he doesn't he cant see himself being with you forever.. that could change.. but you shouldn't wait. if you can get over him as best as you can now, then maybe in the future if you remained in some form of contact then it could work out. but not right now. right now it would be making yourself an option to him. best thing to do is to go nc for now, later it would be up to you if you wanted to ever contact him again or not.
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 think your missing the point, he asked you because he wanted to know if you had replaced him already. he likes to know you are still on heart strings for him. he loved you. i.e you both have history but now he doesn't he cant see himself being with you forever.. that could change.. but you shouldn't wait. if you can get over him as best as you can now, then maybe in the future if you remained in some form of contact then it could work out. but not right now. right now it would be making yourself an option to him. best thing to do is to go nc for now, later it would be up to you if you wanted to ever contact him again or not. that is my problem, what does it matter if i am dating or not? he doesn't want to be with me. it's selfish. and plays with my head. and yes NC all the way starting today.
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 that is my problem, what does it matter if i am dating or not? he doesn't want to be with me. it's selfish. and plays with my head. and yes NC all the way starting today. yeah i think given your situation that would be the best thing for you. i hope it works out in your favour either which way you decide. i guess at least you know thats all he is after... maybe take that as an opportunity to let go 1
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