Author bluefairy812 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 that's exactly how i feel, some days i think i forgot... others, i realize, i haven't... but it's all part of the process. so she came back to you after NC?
SoulSearcher22 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 that's exactly how i feel, some days i think i forgot... others, i realize, i haven't... but it's all part of the process. so she came back to you after NC? after almost 2 months of NC, yeah. Our classes started on a Monday. That wednesday, last week actually, when I pulled into the parking lot. I saw her driving to find a space. I know she saw me. I parked somewhere and about a minute later, she parked right next to me. We both got out...she gave me a very big hug. When I pulled away, she told me to give her a bigger hug in her cute little voice. We talked for a while. We had about an hour before our class started (We're not in the same class btw) and just conversed and flirted until class. After class as I'm driving away...i hear a honk behind me and it's her. We both pull over and start talking again. She gives me another long drawn out hug and then we leave. That night she calls me and tells me that there hadn't been a day since we last talked (after she went cold turkey) that she hadn't thought about me and she felt terrible about how she delt with things. That weekend we talked and texted just like things were back to the way they were a few months ago. I finally asked her if she and her ex were still together...she gave me this answer in a text "We are...for now. You never know. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, I understand. I won't look for you at school tomorrow". But from that text it seemed like maybe they were having problems. Now we hang out before class each day. btw, her bf lives a few states over. They are in a LDR. She's going there to see him this weekend actually. but my gaurd is completely up. I only text her when she texts me and things like that. I've basically been friendzoned but I've told her that won't work for me for very long. I actually told her I'm going to date her again one day in a playful tone through text. She responded ";) We shall seee" dunno. don't care. If we do...great...if we don't...i'll get over it.
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 i think you should continue no contact. sounds like she is in limbo right now. can't get her fix with the LDR right now, so she knows she can lean on you really sucks... you should never be someone's second choice!
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 i just went through some old pictures from our honeymoon stage (aka the first few weeks/months of dating) and i'm hurting really bad. why do we have to remind ourselves of what was? when it no longer is? i'm hurting right now.
SoulSearcher22 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 i just went through some old pictures from our honeymoon stage (aka the first few weeks/months of dating) and i'm hurting really bad. why do we have to remind ourselves of what was? when it no longer is? i'm hurting right now. Not sure why you did that..!! Everytime I looked at her pictures or pictures of us together...it destroyed me. I love(d)? her. I see her everyday now at school and it's great sorta.. but no contact is basically also not looking at things that are obviously going to remind you of them! stop that
barese1 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Why are you going through pictures?? Get rid of them! Either throw them out or put them away somewhere. You can only look at those things when you are 100% over the ex...stop torturing yourself!
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 i just logged onto myspace and saw it all. effin sucks. he called me again last night and i feel like if he calls me again, i am going to explode! it hurts to know that the other person is completely fine and moving on with their lives while you are stuck in a craphole of crying and being miserable. i know this is a process but sometimes i feel like i will never reach the end of the road. its been 2 months and i am still not over it. my sister even said "STILL!?!?" when i told her i was down about it.
barese1 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 One of the key things is not to compare your moving on to the exs. I've been there and it kills us. My ex was over me pretty much straight after we broke up. Same here, when she heard I was still struggling about a month ago apparently her reaction was STILL? too. Don't force it. You will feel better with time. As long as you try and move on. I don't know how to quicken that process but comparing doesn't help. It might be worth reading my thread. Other people's posts have helped and you can see me getting better as you read on. There are moments of relapses and doubts, stupid decisions and such but there are also positive things I've done to help me get through it. Its been over 4 months for me and I'm still not over it so don't be too harsh on yourself. People like us just let our hearts go wild, people like them can turn off their feelings. So what. I'm better at a million things she's not and vice versa. But yes it sucks. It sucks big time.
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 you make a very good point barese thanks for your words. it must feel so good to be able to progress. sometimes things are so obvious and yet we overlook them. i shouldn't be comparing. my therapist said it sounds like he was moving on a long time ago. it's hard. i wish he would feel what i feel. idk what stage i'm in at this point? (acceptance? anger?) who knows. i just wish he would come back.
barese1 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 All of us on LS are in similar places. All I wanted was to know the ex was finding it hard, even a tenth of how hard I found it. She didn't. I know that now. It hurts like hell but its the way things are. Also realise that progression is not something you really notice. It comes and goes, back and forth. I was dying everyday. Without realising felt a little better. Then missed her more than anything. Then broke NC and felt even better. Then had too much contact and feel worse. Only time will tell how I feel next. Its the same with the stages. I've been depressed for as long as we broke up with flittering stages of acceptance. Hopefully now I can start to grasp full acceptance but I still yearn for her, not as I once did though You have to learn some lessons the hard way and unfortunately need to understand some things that we don't want to understand. They've moved on. They didn't feel the pain we did/do. Its ok, really. One day we will feel no pain either
SoulSearcher22 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 people dont portray their sad side on social networks and media...you are always going to see the happy them. Even if the happy them is only for a few seconds...a picture is just a snippet of time. Was probably told to smile and say cheese anyway.
Appleness Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 idk what stage i'm in at this point? (acceptance? anger?) who knows. i just wish he would come back. No Bluefairy, you don't want him back. You think you do but trust me, you don't. Read RogerWallace11's recent entry about going from Second Chances to back here again. Why throw away all the progress you've made so far. I'm not a big Fergie fan but I do find that listening to "Big Girls Don't Cry" helps. Don't worry about what stage you're in, just let it happen. Don't force labels. I can tell you that if you're wishing he'd be back, you're definitely not at "acceptance". My guess is maybe more like "bargaining". You may even be saying "IF I stay NC, it'll make him want me back" or "If I understand why he left, then I can fix myself to his liking and he'll come back". If this sounds like where you're at, then it's the bargaining stage (or at least close). We all have a different learning curve in life. No one is graded the same. Please don't EVER EVER let someone tell you that you aren't good enough or that why you can't be better etc. Only you can make this assessment. If you do want to be better, know that it's never too late to start. I don't regret my relationship but I do regret not doing better in school because I was putting so much effort into making us work. Now I'm back and working my *ss off to make up for lost time. My teacher asks me why I'm so adamant about getting a A in her class (2 weeks in and a third of the people have dropped out already). I told her this was my atonement. I'd rather suffer and bust my butt knowing that in last than 2 years, I'll double the money I make rather than bust my heart and soul over someone who didn't think I was worth much. Channel your sorrow into something productive. Have hope. Isn't that why you chose your screen name?
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 thank you so much for your words.. barese, soulsearcher and apple.. i wish i could hug you guys. i woke up today feeling a little down because after 3 days straight, he hasn't contacted me again. it's bittersweet. it hurts and it sucks. but i know that no contact is a win win (doesn't wanna be with me, cool! moving on and focusing on myself.. OR he realizes he wants to be with me, cool! now the ball is in my court and i get to decide whether this is good or not) but deep down inside i have always wanted him to just come out and say he made a mistake and we are going to be together. i keep trying to remind myself that it's not going to happen. it's been 8 weeks and he hasn't even once TOUCHED the idea of us going back or the subject, he has not even questioned his decision. why do i continue to have hope? how can i start accepting more? i thought NC would be getting easier and instead it's getting harder
barese1 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Don't beat yourself up. Your still at the point in NC where you think they might reach out. I might be wrong but doubt he will. Acceptance is the hardest part. It takes time or a real hard look at the facts. The early days of NC are hard but you kind of think they'll reach out. When they don't you feel down and panic, this is probably the hardest part. After a while you just get used to it. then hopefully after a little while longer you don't even think about it. At the same time, I agree NC is the way forward. I broke it after 3 months. It helped at first as I realsied I'd put my ex on a pedastal. But then saw her a few more times and it made it worse. Best to stick to NC until you can deal with what they have to say. She told me she has a new guy. It hurts like hell but I keep telling myself that'll give my the final push to full acceptance.
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 what i am feeling right now is the "oh he tried to contact me X amount of times and now he stopped and i lost any remaining chances with him whatsoever"
barese1 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 That's what I eman. Those early times are slightly easier because you have hope. Hope is the biggest killer in moving on (funny I should say that, just heard my ex has a new man and wish I didn't know but its probably severed any hope). This next part will be hard but the more time goes on the more you put hope behind you and start looking out for yourself
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 after 4 weeks of NC, i unfortunately had to break it. i had to go back to the apartment we shared to get the last of my belongings, as well as remove my name from the lease agreement. i texted him after 4 weeks to ask him to leave my mail with the front desk as i was going to pick it up and to please respect my wishes of not being friends. he then replies with "ok sure.. you don't want to see me right?" i said "no i don't." he then says "ok.. tell me the truth r u seeing someone?" ofcourse i told him it was none of his business, etc. well, we ended up seeing each other. -_- the sucky part is that he invited me inside our old apartment and we talked for a bit. the conversation then turned into him telling me "can i be honest with you? i'd really love to hook up right now." it f*cking hurt to hear that. i haven't seen him in 2 months. havent spoken in 4 weeks.. and we shared 4 years together and this is all he had to tell me??? thank goodness i was strong and said no i can't do that. he continued trying to laugh and smile and make it a friendly joke by saying "c'mon don't act like you don't want too." i continued to say no. i even told him "for what? so u can go and continue being single afterwards?" i then decided it was time to go. we got into the elevator and he asked again if i was seeing someone. i told him "why do u want to know? its not like u want to get back with me." he then responded with "well u dont want to get back with me either." i then said "if that was the case i wouldn't have tried to get back with you a week after we broke up." silence.......... he helped me bring the belongings to my car. i thanked him and he gave me a goodbye hug. his eyes looked a bit watery and it seemed like he had something to say... yet he didn't say anything. i left and he sent me a text apologizing for asking me to do something so inappropriate. he also said "miss you like crazy, hope we can see each other every once in a blue moon." whatever that means. i responded with "you mean... you miss me as a friend right?" he never responded and now i feel like an idiot for breaking 4 golden weeks of no contact.
TheDovic Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 It's so simple!! - If you're ignoring him to try and get him back then it probably won't work. - If you're ignoring him to help yourself then it might. I told my ex roughly 6 months ago that I was cutting all contact with her and her family. I made it very clear that I still cared about her and wasn't angry with her, but explained that I was feeling sad everytime I saw or heard from her. She seemed to accept this, so I got my NC but also didn't look immature. She has contacted me 4/5 times since then but she respects that I need my space.
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 But what does his behavior mean? I am going back to NC as of today but him asking me if I am seeing anyone.. Is it a sign be wants me back?
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 No, it means he would love you as a FWB. That's what he was angling for. If he had wanted to try again, he would have said so. No, really, I'm sure he would. If he could ask you for a F.uc.k he would have asked you to try again. Asking you whether you were seeing anyone could have been "If she's seeing someone, I'm in with less of a chance for a screw". Note, he first asked you about seeing someone, before he asked you to get laid.... Also, if you're not seeing someone, then he knows that moving on hasn't been "consummated" if you see what I mean. If you haven't met someone, he's still the last person you had sex with..
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) thank you for shedding some light into this. i feel like i am in denial and can't accept that he acted that way towards me. and in general.... he was such a good person during the last 4 years and yesterday just wasn't right. it's sad... it makes me sad. i keep holding on to hope and it keeps slapping me in the face. i'm really glad i said no and didn't give in like he thought i would. i'm sure he felt like sh*t being rejected by the one he knows or thought he knew was completely head over heels.... Edited September 10, 2012 by bluefairy812
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Well, we can never completely know what's going on in their heads... and trying to establish a motive/reason/rationale can actually just end up winding us up in knots even further... Sometimes it's just best to put it down to experience, and step onto the NC platform again. It doesn't matter how far down NC you went - it's an interruption, not a destruction. Just keep going, and try to put this behind you. He's probably somewhat confused about dealing with this new situation too, but really - trying to get his leg over... Kind of immature, wasn't it....? I mean really, if this was ever an example of a guy thinking with/solving something by using/his dick, this was it....
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) when it comes down to it, i don't think he knows what he wants.. however, he must want to be single/messing with other girls more than to be tied down in a relationship at this moment, because as you said Tara, he would have said something. this is the 2nd opportunity he has had with me face to face to say something along those lines. i am also a believer in the fact that if a man really wants you (just like he chased and wanted to be with me in the beginning) nothing can keep him away, and he will chase you like that again if we really wanted to be with you. it just hurts, because he's the one i want.. and now after yesterday, i'm starting to believe he's not the one for me. i shouldn't be someone's option. it's sad to say because again, i've had hope for quite some time. i hate how sometimes we want the ones who don't want us.. and don't want the ones who want us. his birthday is coming up next week too. it would be nice to text him but for what? i'm not getting anything out of it:( i'm feeling low at this point. especially since he never responded to that text message. fail. day 1 of no contact begins now. Edited September 10, 2012 by bluefairy812
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) i'm feeling really low right now... all he wanted was one thing... as if i was a piece of meat.. and all i wanted was to hear that he missed me and wanted to work things out. not ok. Edited September 10, 2012 by bluefairy812
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I'm, not surprised you've only really just woken broken up. Bound to happen. prioritise. it's time for that "Me first for a change!" moment!!
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