LoveThyself Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Hello All, This is my first post , but i have been using these forums religiously to help me through my recent breakup. My girlfriend (21 ) and myself (22) were together for a year and a half. She lost interest , partly because i was acting very needy and over protective in the month leading up to the breakup . NC: I have been NC for 3 weeks and a day , i literally circled sept. 3rd on my calendar as the day she would contact me, and she contacted me on the 4th. She tried to use some of my belongings as a way to see me. She was with mutual friends and found out i had been seeing someone else , got upset and sent me a text saying "how could you do that" . I responded the next morning with " As if i owe you any explanation . You could care less what i am doing, this is about your ego". She has since responded apologizing for saying that and said she wanted to give me my stuff so she could see me . This is the first time she has contacted me , and she came to my university town to party with some mutual friends. I have been doing very well with my NC and I am going back to NC today. I see this as her way of stroking her ego or trying to see if she still has an effect on me, especially since she used my stuff as an excuse and i have never asked for it back. I told her to keep it or throw it out. I did truly love this girl but i don't want to fall into her games, i believe that if she truly wanted me back she would just text me or call saying "hey can i see you ". I have yet to respond to her apology, i don't think i should she has yet to apologize for leaving me out of the blue. So my question is.... Am i correct? is this just her trying to make herself feel better ? Am i right to not answer her apology for barraging me with texts ? I will appreciate all answers, sorry if my post was brutal im a rookie .
nothuman Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Your post was not brutal. I think you're being good, very good approach. You are acting exactly like me if I were in that situation. She doesn't want you back necessarily but I think she does want the satisfaction of knowing you still miss her/still may be wrapped around her finger. F that. I know it hurts sooooooooo bad. For example, when my ex texts me my world lights up and I feel as if a celebrity has just texted me and in my head it's like WOWOWOWOW HE'S STILL FEELING FOR ME HE MUST HAVE PUT SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THIS MESSAGE!! reality of it is, he's just texting because. I don't know if that made sense or not, but I think both of us do not have the upper hand right now. They do not need to know this though, so continue ignoring etc. Hopefully that made sense I am not sure if it did or not. I am a rookie as well and 20, so around the same age range. Life sucks....heart break sucks. Hope we get better soon. But yeah, move on.... She can make a better effort than "can I get my stuff?" If your vibes and gut tell you that maybe she really isn't trying to play games and sh*t then I guess you could be like "what are you doing? are you trying to talk or what are you thinking i'm confused" but there's a big risk of getting sucked in again. Hmmmmmm. Good luck.
Author LoveThyself Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Your post was not brutal. I think you're being good, very good approach. You are acting exactly like me if I were in that situation. She doesn't want you back necessarily but I think she does want the satisfaction of knowing you still miss her/still may be wrapped around her finger. F that. I know it hurts sooooooooo bad. For example, when my ex texts me my world lights up and I feel as if a celebrity has just texted me and in my head it's like WOWOWOWOW HE'S STILL FEELING FOR ME HE MUST HAVE PUT SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THIS MESSAGE!! reality of it is, he's just texting because. I don't know if that made sense or not, but I think both of us do not have the upper hand right now. They do not need to know this though, so continue ignoring etc. Hopefully that made sense I am not sure if it did or not. I am a rookie as well and 20, so around the same age range. Life sucks....heart break sucks. Hope we get better soon. But yeah, move on.... She can make a better effort than "can I get my stuff?" If your vibes and gut tell you that maybe she really isn't trying to play games and sh*t then I guess you could be like "what are you doing? are you trying to talk or what are you thinking i'm confused" but there's a big risk of getting sucked in again. Hmmmmmm. Good luck. Thanks for your reply, much appreciated. I have come to realize that she is only missing the attention i gave her , she complained about how it sucked to find out i have been seeing other girls. She also made up some BS about how she doesn't think she can trust me now... she's trying to make me feel bad for moving on . I don't really see a point in contacting her anymore so i told her i was done with the games and will not be in contact with her, that i cannot put my life on hold waiting for her to come around and that even if she didn't mean to hurt me she has. Sometimes the hardest thing is the right thing to do . I don't think things would ever be able to be the same, unless she drastically changes her mind . As the Dumpee i have full faith that i could deliver on my end , but i doubt that reconciliation would result in a lasting relationship due to her immaturity . I have started another month of NC , last time i only got to the 3 week mark. I have met other girls at school , its hard to not become attached to them after going through a break up . I have spent a lot of time reading up on being an alpha male and avoiding beta behaviour , i am trying to redefine myself and find a more compatible partner . As she was my first and only love , this will obviously affect me for quite some time. But i have come to the understanding that everything is an opportunity to grow from. I have thrown all my hope out the window, because holding on to hope was dragging me down. I know that even if she does come back we will have a lot of work to do , and right now i would rather just meet someone new than to torture myself trying to make it work.
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