Yeahsussu Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) Hope someone can offer some advice. Feel like i'm completely blowing things out of proportion, but not sure how to handle the situation. I´ve been seeing this wonderful guy for just over 2 months now. We get a long wonderfully, we´re attracted to each other, we enjoy each other´s company and he´s very affectionate with me. But I see he´s still active on the dating site we met on. He logs in several times a day. During the first month I was also online every day, but mostly just to check messages and out of curiosity. Now I´m not online that often, perhaps just 1-2 times a week at a maximum, and I see that he has been online every day. Would this mean he´s still keeping his options open? Looking out of curiosity or boredom? Or is he just with me until he finds someone better? I´m really afraid of loosing him cause he´s definately a keeper! Am I just over analyzing things? Edited September 5, 2012 by Yeahsussu
Jelly-Bean Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Have you spoke to him about it? If you can really see the relationship going somewhere then have a chat, suggest that you become 'exclusive', 2 months isn't a long time. If it's something that bothers you then talk, if not you could always ask a friend to set up a profile and message him, see what happens?
The Way I Am Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 And the other side of this story: The girl I've been dating for 2 months is still active on the dating site we met on. I log in every day to see if she's been on and she keeps logging in at least once a week. Why could she be doing this? Is it curiosity or boredom? Is she just with me til she finds someone better? If you want to know why someone is doing something, ask them.
Author Yeahsussu Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Have you spoke to him about it? If you can really see the relationship going somewhere then have a chat, suggest that you become 'exclusive', 2 months isn't a long time. If it's something that bothers you then talk, if not you could always ask a friend to set up a profile and message him, see what happens? Well, once he actually showed me his messages that he had received on the site, and he kinda made jokes how nobody contacts him. I didn´t think too much of it then, but recently it´s been bothering me a bit. I don´t know what his intentions are with still being active on the site. I don´t want to make big drama out of it though, but yes, I guess I should ask him about it...
CarrieT Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 This is the first step in establishing a strong and committed relationship = COMMUNICATION. You should be able to address the issue without being accusatory. It will also open up the discuss as to whether or not you are exclusive. Has that been discussed yet?
january2011 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I agree that you need to talk to him about it. Next time he shows you his messages, perhaps you could say, "I've been thinking about whether we should consider deleting our profiles so that we can focus on us. What do you think?" If he says he's not ready, or something similar, then I think that's a good indication that he's not serious about you - whether or not he'll ever be ready is for you to judge and react accordingly.
KatZee Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Yeah, going to jump on the "communication" bandwagon. You two sound like you're at two completely different points, or have two different mindsets for whats going on. Are you two just dating? Or have you decided to be mutually exclusive? If the latter hasn't happened... dating around is still free game. People usually DON'T just date one person (if it's casual). In his mind, this could be completely casual with you, whereas you're starting to become more invested. Also, you're upset he's still on the dating site, but... you are too. Regardless of how much you're logging in, the profile is still up. So I don't get why the double standard.
Author Yeahsussu Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Yeah, going to jump on the "communication" bandwagon. You two sound like you're at two completely different points, or have two different mindsets for whats going on. Are you two just dating? Or have you decided to be mutually exclusive? If the latter hasn't happened... dating around is still free game. People usually DON'T just date one person (if it's casual). In his mind, this could be completely casual with you, whereas you're starting to become more invested. Also, you're upset he's still on the dating site, but... you are too. Regardless of how much you're logging in, the profile is still up. So I don't get why the double standard. Well we both like each other, and just a few weeks ago he told his mum about me. He has introduced me to a few of his friends, and he has also invited me to come see his brother (but we have not yet met). These are pretty big things to him, so I took that as a good sign. We have also talked about how much we like each other and enjoy each others company, but we have not talked about being exclusive. I´m coming to that point now that I would like to know in which direction this relationship is going. When we see each other on weekends everything is wonderful, but during weekdays I just get these doubts and I kind start analyzing everything he says and writes. We will hopefully meet this weekend, so I will try and talk to him about this then. See where we stand... 1
mortensorchid Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I hope you have good results with the big talk this weekend. It could be nothing. He could just be checking it everyday like people check their email everyday.
Jane2011 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I hope you have good results with the big talk this weekend. It could be nothing. He could just be checking it everyday like people check their email everyday. Ditto. It could definitely be nothing. I've been dating someone for almost a month, and I keep on checking OkCupid anyway. I'm really happy with the guy. I log on just to sort of peer around. The thing is, I was just a casual logger-in even before I met and started dating the guy. So the fact that I still log on even after I started dating him means nothing. I would be willing to take my profile down. And I may well do so soon.
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