YoungGuy13 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Hi All, I am looking for some advice. For the last year I have been cheating with a girl who is in a relationship. I am not in a relationship, and have not been in a relationship during this time. We are both 25 The first time we got together I knew she was in relationship, but frankly the guy is an ***hole (he is definitely controlling, some would even consider abusive) so I didn't/don't really feel that bad about it. She has been with him for 5 years (they are unmarried). I had known her for about 3 years before anything happened between us. She has been talking about leaving him and getting together with me, when this first started it's not what I had in mind at all, but I feel like now nothing would make me happier and want to be with her. When I press her now to leave him, she says she can't do it right now, but will, and just needs more time. I am getting pretty emotionally involved in this right now, and am trying to concluded if I should just end it now, or keep holding out. I am crazy about this girl and feel like it has long term potential, but I don't know if my judgement is clouded, or if this actually has a chance. I have narrowed it down to a few options: 1) Hold out 2) Tell her it's him or me, and give her a dead line, don't tell the current boyfriend. 3) End it, don't tell him about it 4) End it, tell him about it 5) Tell her it's him or me, and give her a dead line, at which time I tell the current boyfriend no matter what. Any guidance that could be provided would be much appreciated.
Ugh1 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 The fact that she is dragging her feet suggests that she doesn't really want anything to change. She wants both of you. If she were to break it off with him and pursue something more with you, she will always be thinking about him. That is the kind of relationship you guys have had from the beginning. You made the choice to be with her AND this other man. (you are with BOTH of them because of her relationship with this other guy) I don't care if he is the biggest A-hole alive, if he was that bad, she should've ended it with him long ago and started fresh with you. You just need to end it and move on. Leave her. Leave him.
Author YoungGuy13 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Thank you for your insight. This is how I was feeling, and what my friends have said to me. You may be a stranger, but it was still confirmation. Thanks
skywriter Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 You may wonder if she'd do it with you, would she do it to you, if you and her end up as a couple in the future. That will cause you paranoia, insecurities, maybe jealousy too. Good luck moving on. It's rather difficult when you're emotionally involved.
Sameold Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Very bad of you to get involved in this, we all have desires from Eden but the snake will bite your hand one day. You don't really know anything about this other guy and you had no right interfering.
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