Men who move too fast

[irc333]

Lately, I've been talking with female friends, and they had quite a few complaints when trying to date.

 

Men trying to touch them.

 

Apparently, some women won't let men touch them unless they consider themselves having been around them long enough (and dating them long enough) in order to do so.

 

How many dates before you let a man touch you, and I'm not talking about fondling you, but just like....putting his arm around your waist or hand on your knee. Apparently, if it's too soon, it can scare a woman off.

 

Sometimes these are first date scenarios. Like for instance, this guy took a woman out on a date, and they were waiting on a bench for their table at Chilis, he put his hand on her leg or attempted to put his arm around her waist, and she had to fend him off.

 

How often are men like this on FIRST dates? Is this common? Men, do you even TOUCH a woman slightly on a first date?

 

Sometimes, it's even a few dates, and a woman still won't let a guy touch them.

 

But, where's a man to start? Or more so, when?

[Greznog]

You start immediately. Women like to whine and complain about men moving too fast but what they neglect to mention is that if you're a nanosecond too slow you're no longer dating material.

 

The truth is that if she doesn't want to be touched she's not that into you and she's wasting your time.

[Imported]

Sometimes, it's even a few dates, and a woman still won't let a guy touch them.

 

But, where's a man to start? Or more so, when?

 

Sometimes that same woman that wouldn't let one guy touch her after multiple dates will let another guy **** her on the first date. Pick-up artist stuff on sexual escalation does work, at least for me. Your female friends might tell you about gross guys that talk about sex right off the bat and that might make you think stuff like that doesn't work.....but that guy was talking that way off the bat because stuff like that does work (assuming he is doing it correctly...which he probably wasn't or he wouldn't be some gross guy), he was just trying it with the wrong girl. Oh....and your female friends probably won't tell you about the guy they were sucking off within hours of meeting him for the first time. That makes them look bad.

[aisle_seat]

Sometimes these are first date scenarios. Like for instance, this guy took a woman out on a date, and they were waiting on a bench for their table at Chilis, he put his hand on her leg or attempted to put his arm around her waist, and she had to fend him off.

 

First mistake: Taking a woman to Chilis on the first date. That alone makes any touching out of the question.

[oaks]

How many dates before you let a man touch you, and I'm not talking about fondling you, but just like....putting his arm around your waist or hand on your knee. Apparently, if it's too soon, it can scare a woman off.

 

I think I would've already tried touching her somewhere like on her arm, above the wrist but below the shoulder, or on her back, between her shoulder blades or a little lower, and tried to judge her reaction before considering putting my arm around her or putting my hand on her knee.

 

But, I still find myself agreeing with Greznog.

[irc333]

Okay, but these women I knew that were turned off by the guy, let's face it, she didn't go on a 2nd date with them FOR that reason. They were completely turned off by them getting too physical on a 1st date.

 

Let's face it, most *keyword* decent women, wouldn't let a man do that to them on a first date, and that guy would not be guaranteed a 2nd date.

 

 

 

Sometimes that same woman that wouldn't let one guy touch her after multiple dates will let another guy **** her on the first date. Pick-up artist stuff on sexual escalation does work, at least for me. Your female friends might tell you about gross guys that talk about sex right off the bat and that might make you think stuff like that doesn't work.....but that guy was talking that way off the bat because stuff like that does work (assuming he is doing it correctly...which he probably wasn't or he wouldn't be some gross guy), he was just trying it with the wrong girl. Oh....and your female friends probably won't tell you about the guy they were sucking off within hours of meeting him for the first time. That makes them look bad.

[oaks]

Okay, but these women I knew that were turned off by the guy, let's face it, she didn't go on a 2nd date with them FOR that reason. They were completely turned off by them getting too physical on a 1st date.

 

Really? Well, that's what they say now. Were they really going to go on a 2nd date up until that point? If you ask me about the reasons why I don't want to date the last girl I went on a date with I'll probably just give you one or two reasons, but I'm sure there were more and I've just rationalised and summarised it down to some key points.

 

 

Let's face it, most *keyword* decent women, wouldn't let a man do that to them on a first date, and that guy would not be guaranteed a 2nd date.

 

I'm not sure that putting your arm around someone on a date is indecent. We've got members here (female ones, too) who will tell you that if there wasn't a kiss then it wasn't even a date! So, there's an element of "horses for courses", if you know that expression.

[irc333]

Really? Well, that's what they say now. Were they really going to go on a 2nd date up until that point? If you ask me about the reasons why I don't want to date the last girl I went on a date with I'll probably just give you one or two reasons, but I'm sure there were more and I've just rationalised and summarised it down to some key points.

 

I"m not sure I am understanding. The outcome of his behavior made her decide not to pursue things further with him.

 

He also kept constantly texting her, which put her off.

[phineas]

You start immediately. Women like to whine and complain about men moving too fast but what they neglect to mention is that if you're a nanosecond too slow you're no longer dating material.

 

The truth is that if she doesn't want to be touched she's not that into you and she's wasting your time.

 

Pretty much.

 

It all comes down to attraction.

The same women i've heard complaining about this have wound up in the parking lot with a guy they just met.

And she was letting him do more than put his arm around her.

 

I personally keep my hands to myself on first dates or with women I meet in a bar until I see a sign their actually into me.

 

I've learned to recognize (most times) when they are or are not into me.

[ThaWholigan]

It's about attraction mostly. If she's attracted to you, she will want you to touch her - in fact, she will be the one touching you .

[phineas]

It's about attraction mostly. If she's attracted to you, she will want you to touch her - in fact, she will be the one touching you .

 

This!

I've been sitting at a bar & had women just put their hand on my inner thigh.

LOL!

 

I'd like to add, if she's the type of girl that would next you for not trying to bang her on the first date "not being a man" as some have put it. Then she isn't a quality woman & will most likely spend her life as a cum dumpster for lots & lots of "real men".

 

It took me a little while to work this out & get over all the chances at sex I missed out on because I didn't try to slay the first time I got the woman alone.

 

Those women are still bouncing from guy to guy and their my age (around 40).

[carhill]

Looking back at all the first dates which turned into relationships, there was a proactive desire from the lady to be in physical proximity, whether by hugging, light touches, leaning in when speaking, etc, etc. I didn't/don't 'move fast', at least obviously and sexually, but the signals were clear early. For those whom things didn't work out, whether after one date or a few, there was more distance physically.

 

I doubt I inspire the sweaty thighs on the first date like the hot guys who have ladies humping them in the parking lot after just meeting, but still there is something departing from neutral.

 

Watch what they do with the guys they're attracted to and/or listen to the stories of how they met and interacted with a current (not past) boyfriend or husband. It's good information, in general. Good luck.

[ThaWholigan]

This!

I've been sitting at a bar & had women just put their hand on my inner thigh.

LOL!

 

I'd like to add, if she's the type of girl that would next you for not trying to bang her on the first date "not being a man" as some have put it. Then she isn't a quality woman & will most likely spend her life as a cum dumpster for lots & lots of "real men".

 

It took me a little while to work this out & get over all the chances at sex I missed out on because I didn't try to slay the first time I got the woman alone.

 

Those women are still bouncing from guy to guy and their my age (around 40).

Sometimes you can make a girl attracted enough that she will want you by the end of the 1st date. I've seen it happen to girls I would never have suspected .

 

Stimulate the brain and the rest will follow .

[truth_seeker]

This!

I've been sitting at a bar & had women just put their hand on my inner thigh.

LOL!

 

I'd like to add, if she's the type of girl that would next you for not trying to bang her on the first date "not being a man" as some have put it. Then she isn't a quality woman & will most likely spend her life as a cum dumpster for lots & lots of "real men".

 

It took me a little while to work this out & get over all the chances at sex I missed out on because I didn't try to slay the first time I got the woman alone.

 

Those women are still bouncing from guy to guy and their my age (around 40).

 

Women who will bang you on the first date most likely have a history doing this with other men. You can't take these women seriously at all.

 

You nail then bail.

[Mme. Chaucer]

The first touch should NOT be arm around waist or hand on leg while sitting on a bench waiting to be seated at a restaurant on a first date.

 

Truly.

 

If she was attracted and wanted to be touched, these efforts would convey enough awkwardness and … inappropriateness (not in a super bad way, just kind of off) that it would probably nip it in the bud.

 

If he was determined to have physical contact on the first date, there are other ways to do it that would be welcomed, if she was attracted.

 

On the bench at Chilis (agree with poster who said Chilis is a fail in itself), sit close enough that thighs up to sides are touching.

 

Walking around, getting closer and letting arms / shoulders touch.

 

Through doors, hand on small of back.

 

When handing her something (like, maybe shared popcorn at a movie) let hands touch and linger.

 

Any of those things can be expanded upon to move to more touching, like hand holding - and who knows what else.

 

But just sitting there and getting a hand on your leg or around your waist would make me MOVE away abruptly. It could very well nip any attraction that was brewing there in the bud. They aren't "natural" ways to start physical contact and they seem proprietary. It's the kind of thing one might do with their girlfriend or wife, but not on a first date, ever.

 

Basically, I do agree with Greznog (it's a miracle! Alleluia!) in that the first date is NOT "too early" to have physical contact and that if she is attracted to you, it will show then. But the WAY you do it is very important.

[Jane2011]

lol, in almost all of my past dating situations, I've been the one to touch first, and I usually did it between dates 1 and 3, depending on circumstances. I have even put the moves on a guy on date 1 where I wasn't all THAT into him. (This doesn't mean I was repulsed by him). [in my sometimes crazy states of reckless abandon, I'll put the moves on a guy if I'm feeling "sorta" attracted to him, never if I'm not feeling attracted at all. (More often the not, I end up becoming fully attracted to the person I was previously only "sorta" attracted to).]

 

I like to sometimes save the guy the trouble and nervousness of having to make a first move because I sense he is always nervous and worried I'm going to slap him if he makes a move. In contrast, I always know the guy wants me (if I'm on a date with him). The guy almost always wants the woman, it seems.

 

My most recent situation has been an anomaly, though. I held back and didn't make any move at all. This is because I was trying the "be friends first" approach. I was prepared for neither of us to teach each other for months. Insane, I know.

 

However, he made a move on me on our fifth date.

 

He pretty much started by saying a few times, "I really like you." After I said it back, he asked if he could hold my hand. Four minutes later, that turned into kissing, initiated by him.

[Imported]

Okay, but these women I knew that were turned off by the guy, let's face it, she didn't go on a 2nd date with them FOR that reason. They were completely turned off by them getting too physical on a 1st date.

 

Let's face it, most *keyword* decent women, wouldn't let a man do that to them on a first date, and that guy would not be guaranteed a 2nd date.

 

 

You are assuming that only "indecent" girls like casual, deeply physically fulfilling sex with a guy that they are only attracted to because he makes their pussy lips wet. I assure you, even "decent" girls like it too. Ever see a girl orgasm really hard? I am sure it feels really good and that they like doing it. And taking a girl to Chilis on the first date is stupid, especially if you're trying to have a realtionship with her. Who the **** wants to remember a chain restaurant as the first date.

 

I don't believe in rules for these things, but if you're looking to impress....don't do chain restaurants on the first date.

[irc333]

Let me put it this way, the whole "If you're so worried about what KIND of restaurant you're taking a woman to on a first date" (which is a completely different post.

 

Then that's not the kind of woman I'd want to be with, if she has a problem with Chili's she can go f herself, and is a red flag of a shallow woman anyways.

 

I like Chili's, people go to Chili's all the time. <shrug> it's no big deal. The kind of person that concerns themselves with insignificant things such as what restaurant, is an idiot. But let's stay on topic for now....perhaps one of you should start a separate thread on "Taking dates to 'chain rest"."

 

 

You are assuming that only "indecent" girls like casual, deeply physically fulfilling sex with a guy that they are only attracted to because he makes their pussy lips wet. I assure you, even "decent" girls like it too. Ever see a girl orgasm really hard? I am sure it feels really good and that they like doing it. And taking a girl to Chilis on the first date is stupid, especially if you're trying to have a realtionship with her. Who the **** wants to remember a chain restaurant as the first date.

 

I don't believe in rules for these things, but if you're looking to impress....don't do chain restaurants on the first date.

[RedRobin]

Threads like this one can be difficult to comment on because people meet in all kinds of ways... OLD, through friends, at work, out in public through mutual interests, etc.

 

It might be helpful, OP, if you provided some other information about how these women met the men they were dating...

 

Most people who follow my posts know that I appreciate a man who can 'read' women and act appropriately... especially in the beginning when they are just getting to know each other. My guess is these women are not young girls either, and are expecting a certain level of maturity when it comes to social interactions with the men they are dating... and perhaps want some sense of comfort or emotional intimacy to develop.

 

Perhaps one too many of them have experienced what I have... that these guys who need to be all over you in the first date (verbally or physically) have got them queued into the 3-4th date f*ck 'or else' line up with a complete stranger and they'd just rather not participate. It is MUCH different when you've known someone in another capacity and are going on a first date....

 

I've refused second or subsequent dates to many men I was initially very attracted to and thought I had lots in common with because they became overfamiliar and pushy.

 

I just read the writing on the wall and came to the conclusion that our pace is likely off. I've gotten better about rejecting them in a way that doesn't diminish their 'style' and chosen approach... But I'm pretty clear that we aren't compatible... and that I don't back off of.

[RedRobin]

Women who will bang you on the first date most likely have a history doing this with other men. You can't take these women seriously at all.

 

You nail then bail.

 

Men who have a history of nailing then bailing and binning women into buckets for 'fun' and buckets for 'relationship material' have their own issues and are to be avoided as well...

 

Not all of us look the other way when it comes to men's history either... and are very good at knowing how to turn over that rock even if he doesn't confess it.

 

Just so ya know...

[Mme. Chaucer]

Okay, but these women I knew that were turned off by the guy, let's face it, she didn't go on a 2nd date with them FOR that reason. They were completely turned off by them getting too physical on a 1st date.

 

Let's face it, most *keyword* decent women, wouldn't let a man do that to them on a first date, and that guy would not be guaranteed a 2nd date.

 

Are you saying here that "decent" women don't go on second dates with men who have physical contact with them on first dates because of the physical contact?

 

If you are .. you are terribly wrong.

 

Women, decent or not, like to be touched by men they like. It's how it happens that's key.

 

And a person who does not enjoy a loud chain restaurant with bad food is not a superficial creep. Just a person who evidently would not be compatible with you.

 

Whether you like it or not, Chilis is loud and a bad place to get to know a new person.

[Imported]

Men who have a history of nailing then bailing and binning women into buckets for 'fun' and buckets for 'relationship material' have their own issues and are to be avoided as well...

 

Not all of us look the other way when it comes to men's history either... and are very good at knowing how to turn over that rock even if he doesn't confess it.

 

Just so ya know...

 

 

Solution

 

 

It is good to have a job that has me traveling a lot. And I am kidding. I am not gonna lie to a girl. If she ask, I'll tell. There is a time for just fun and sometimes you find someone you like more than that when you weren't really looking.

[irc333]

Most people who follow my posts know that I appreciate a man who can 'read' women and act appropriately... especially in the beginning when they are just getting to know each other. My guess is these women are not young girls either, and are expecting a certain level of maturity when it comes to social interactions with the men they are dating... and perhaps want some sense of comfort or emotional intimacy to develop

 

I tend to agree, that it could be an age thing. That the kind of man that has the main concern about what restaurant you take them to, in order to impress them or being able to get physically intimate as SOON as possible, probably fall into the 20-something crowd, college aged or young adults.

 

Only a young person would be concerned about chain restaurants, and isn't really mature enough yet to have reached a point where it doesn't matter where you go, but more so the company you're are with that matters.

 

While people in their late 30's or even into their 40's and older, prefer to take a bit more time when getting physical. I sometimes purposely hold off at first, even though I am attracted.

 

Whether you like it or not, Chilis is loud and a bad place to get to know a new person.

 

Actually, its the time you go, I've been to Chilis, Cracker Barrel, Fuddruckers, TGI Fridays, Ruby Tues, etc when it was completely quiet...during a weeknight after 9pm, hardly any people there. Most restaurants I've been to, chain or not, have proven to be loud and noisy depending on the time of day, so its' moot.

 

Oh, and the quality of food is a matter of opinion, I love Chili's Wings! And I buy TGI Fridays Appetizers at the grocery store, they're great! Nom nom nom nom!!

Edited September 5, 2012 by irc333

[irc333]

My most recent situation has been an anomaly, though. I held back and didn't make any move at all. This is because I was trying the "be friends first" approach. I was prepared for neither of us to teach each other for months. Insane, I know.

 

However, he made a move on me on our fifth date.

 

This kind of sounds like myself. The reason I posted this, is due to a recent woman I started seeing.

 

I posted about her how I met her at a pool party, and asked her if she'd like to join me at a Labor Day party. We mingled with other people very little of the time, but she spent most of her time, focused on conversing with me.

 

In fact, there were a lot of yard games going on, and there was a basket ball and basket and we played a game of HORSE. She won, lol...and she was joking and said, "Oh, I take it since I'm a woman, you're suppose to let me win righT" and I went, "Um......yeah..right, that's it!" and we laughed.

 

It was getting to dusk and I had brought a 2nd lawn chair for her to sit in, and we talked for a while...then the mosquitos were coming out and getting bad, and she asked me if she'd like to sit in her car with her....so we continued to talk on her car. Had some drinks, etc. Getting to know each other.

 

Well, it was her time to go, and I mentioned getting together again, and she agreed to another date.

 

Now some of you people are thinking, "Dude, she invited you into her car, you should've done something there!"

 

But, it was our first date technically, and I did no such thing, even though I felt the urge to, I preferred to restrain myself, let things develop. I'm more of getting physical on the 4th or 5th date (if you want to put a # on it) as mentioned by Chaucer above.

 

I did recall her pinching me on the back of the arm once, affectionately, and someone took a picture of us together, and I put my arm around her waist there...and she was leaning close to me in the pic.

 

So all in all things went well, and we have another date planned already. So..that's how I roll.

[Imported]

I tend to agree, that it could be an age thing. That the kind of man that has the main concern about what restaurant you take them to, in order to impress them or being able to get physically intimate as SOON as possible, probably fall into the 20-something crowd, college aged or young adults.

 

Only a young person would be concerned about chain restaurants, and isn't really mature enough yet to have reached a point where it doesn't matter where you go, but more so the company you're are with that matters.

 

While people in their late 30's or even into their 40's and older, prefer to take a bit more time when getting physical. I sometimes purposely hold off at first, even though I am attracted.

 

 

 

Actually, its the time you go, I've been to Chilis, Cracker Barrel, Fuddruckers, TGI Fridays, Ruby Tues, etc when it was completely quiet...during a weeknight after 9pm, hardly any people there. Most restaurants I've been to, chain or not, have proven to be loud and noisy depending on the time of day, so its' moot.

 

Oh, and the quality of food is a matter of opinion, I love Chili's Wings! And I buy TGI Fridays Appetizers at the grocery store, they're great! Nom nom nom nom!!

 

I know this is off-topic. It is just the whole idea of a chain restaurant as being a memory to look back on as the place where things started. Women usually want that to be special. I am not going to try to convince you. I really don't care. You obviously have rules, constraints and ultimatums for women you don't even know yet. I am sure that will work out well for you.