TaraMaiden Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 What do you mean by 'control'....? Suppress? Keep in check? Switch on and off at will...?
january2011 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) If we're talking about controlling one's feelings when someone upsets us, me: PauseGrit teeth/bite tongueDeep breath inHoldSlowly release breathFake smileExcuse selfWalk awayImagine target being disintegrated in blaze of a thousands suns while being stabbed in the eyes with lots of pointy sharp objectsSmile sweetly at the visualsRealise that some people are just idiots and then there are the rest of us who have to deal with themShake it off Note: All this usually happens very quickly. I was the most chilled and laid-back when I studied martial arts. Ross, perhaps you might benefit from taking up something like that and combine it with meditation. Edited September 5, 2012 by january2011 3
Titanwolf Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I've heard that meditation can be beneficial, but I've personally always been inclined to be apathetic towards most situations.
denise_xo Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Here's a bunch of stuff I've done to battle depression, anxiety, negative thought patterns and suicidal feelings: therapy meditation yoga physical exercise being in nature medication quitting smoking and alcohol (cutting alcohol was especially important for lowering mood swings) trying to raise my awareness of negative thought patterns and nip them in the bud rather than allowing them to take me with them eating healthily and getting enough sleep
Author Ross MwcFan Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 What do you mean by 'control'....? Suppress? Keep in check? Switch on and off at will...? I guess to just stop the negative feelings and to feel happy. It seems that some people can do this by just choosing, instead of working on themselves.
TaraMaiden Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 It's not an overnight thing, Ross, but it can be done. It's a process of recognising the feeling, and first of all understanding that your emotion is not who you are, and neither does it define you. The reason is obvious. Feelings come and go. We stay. So it's not really accurate to say, "I'm angry" or "I'm happy". It's more accurate to say "I FEEL angry", or "I FEEL happy". Then you have to recognise where the emotion stems from. What has made you feel that way? What has triggered it to manifest? Why have you reacted that way? How intense is the emotion? How important is the factor, or trigger that you are Angry/happy about? Emotions are transitory things and while we experience them, we have a right to recognise that they are valid and true. but the secret is not to perpetuate them, and not to prolong them for any longer than necessary. If you're still 'angry' for example, due to something that happened this morning - then that's not really a healthy thing to do, and you have to consider the above questions. Is that any help, at all? 3
johan Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 It's not feelings you need to control. You can't do that. It's thoughts you have, which trigger beliefs, which lead to the feelings. Developing better habits for your thoughts and working on what your beliefs are will help you to have more appropriate feelings. You should think hard about what your beliefs are about the world. That is the key. 2
TaraMaiden Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Yeah, that's pretty much totally accurate.....
prettylittlethings Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Wow! That's a loaded question so without skimming the surface I'll just tell you my experience and what works for me. I actually did a releasing the kundalini workshop at a hindu temple and it was amazing! I don't think you have to be religious to appreciate it, I'm certainly not. That workshop was the main factor which motivated me to practice meditation frequently. (I had done it on and off before at yoga ashrams, buddhist temples, hindu temples, etc). And I should say, I'm so glad it did. In my life, at this stage, it is one of the most useful coping mechanisms I have found. My mind runs a thousand miles an hour and I am extremely OCD prone. Practicing meditation for just 10 minutes a day rejuvenates me and gives my mind a break. The way I deal with things/react to situation for the whole day is different when I take that time out. I'm also much more aware of my thoughts for that day and when you are aware of your thoughts you can make a choice to indulge or to just watch and accept. Somebody gave me a book recently called "dissolving the ego, realizing the self." Highly recommend it.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 It's not an overnight thing, Ross, but it can be done. It's a process of recognising the feeling, and first of all understanding that your emotion is not who you are, and neither does it define you. The reason is obvious. Feelings come and go. We stay. So it's not really accurate to say, "I'm angry" or "I'm happy". It's more accurate to say "I FEEL angry", or "I FEEL happy". Then you have to recognise where the emotion stems from. What has made you feel that way? What has triggered it to manifest? Why have you reacted that way? How intense is the emotion? How important is the factor, or trigger that you are Angry/happy about? Emotions are transitory things and while we experience them, we have a right to recognise that they are valid and true. but the secret is not to perpetuate them, and not to prolong them for any longer than necessary. If you're still 'angry' for example, due to something that happened this morning - then that's not really a healthy thing to do, and you have to consider the above questions. Is that any help, at all? I think so. So whenever I feel bad, if I ask myself these questions and answer them it should help me to feel better?
TaraMaiden Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Fundamentally, yes - but you need to stop, think and focus on where it stems from... And how you felt before the incident which affected you emotionally. were you already grouchy? "Why am I getting so mad about this? What, about this, is making me so cross? Why am I choosing to react this way?" Reaction - IS a choice.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Fundamentally, yes - but you need to stop, think and focus on where it stems from... And how you felt before the incident which affected you emotionally. were you already grouchy? "Why am I getting so mad about this? What, about this, is making me so cross? Why am I choosing to react this way?" Reaction - IS a choice. Okay, thanks. I'm going to write these questions down and keep the list near to me, so I can ask myself those questions whenever I'm feeling bad.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 If we're talking about controlling one's feelings when someone upsets us, me: PauseGrit teeth/bite tongueDeep breath inHoldSlowly release breathFake smileExcuse selfWalk awayImagine target being disintegrated in blaze of a thousands suns while being stabbed in the eyes with lots of pointy sharp objectsSmile sweetly at the visualsRealise that some people are just idiots and then there are the rest of us who have to deal with themShake it offNote: All this usually happens very quickly. I was the most chilled and laid-back when I studied martial arts. Ross, perhaps you might benefit from taking up something like that and combine it with meditation. I've thought on and off about doing something like matial arts myself.
AlexDP Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) Mostly it's about recognising and accepting the feeling. Edited September 6, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Ross MwcFan Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Fundamentally, yes - but you need to stop, think and focus on where it stems from... And how you felt before the incident which affected you emotionally. were you already grouchy? "Why am I getting so mad about this? What, about this, is making me so cross? Why am I choosing to react this way?" Reaction - IS a choice. When I react though (if you're talkng about reacting as in how you feel), it's not a choice, it's just automatic, and it's very hard for me to get rid of the feeling and to feel okay again.
denise_xo Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 When I react though (if you're talkng about reacting as in how you feel), it's not a choice, it's just automatic, and it's very hard for me to get rid of the feeling and to feel okay again. It's that automatic reaction that you have to work on unlearning, and take control over it. It's not easy, but it is possible and it's the only option, really.
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 When I react though (if you're talkng about reacting as in how you feel), it's not a choice, it's just automatic, and it's very hard for me to get rid of the feeling and to feel okay again. Actually, I know it's very difficult to believe, but even though it seems like an automatic response, it's something you can decide to not "participate" in. As denise rightly says, this is the bit one learns to confront, understand, control and ultimately choose to not engage in. The reason you believe it to be an 'automatic' response, is because it's a behaviour you learnt, adopted and have always resorted to. It's become such a habit, that it FEELS like it's automatic, and it's your only option. It's YOUR automatic response, but you can, with work, concentration and effort, change it. Be careful though: There is a big difference between CHANGING a response - and SUPPRESSING it. Holding something in, without channelling it, or dissipating it in some other way, is counter-productive. Pushing feelings down, and pretending that things don't affect you - will find release in other ways.
january2011 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I've thought on and off about doing something like matial arts myself. Go for it, Ross! Depending on which one you take and your instructor, it can help you with your focus/mental strength, anger-management, health (you can get a good cardio work out if your instructor takes you through a really intensive warm-up), co-ordination, relaxation/stress management, spatial awareness and self-confidence. It's a lot like learning a new skill. I also found it to be quite social, especially if you get involved in tournaments and summer intensive camps. I think ThaWholigan might have recently taken up a martial art and will have a good idea of what's out there at the moment based on his research, perhaps you could PM him?
Author Ross MwcFan Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Actually, I know it's very difficult to believe, but even though it seems like an automatic response, it's something you can decide to not "participate" in. As denise rightly says, this is the bit one learns to confront, understand, control and ultimately choose to not engage in. The reason you believe it to be an 'automatic' response, is because it's a behaviour you learnt, adopted and have always resorted to. It's become such a habit, that it FEELS like it's automatic, and it's your only option. It's YOUR automatic response, but you can, with work, concentration and effort, change it. Be careful though: There is a big difference between CHANGING a response - and SUPPRESSING it. Holding something in, without channelling it, or dissipating it in some other way, is counter-productive. Pushing feelings down, and pretending that things don't affect you - will find release in other ways. How do I change the response instead of repressing it? Sorry if you've already explained this, but my head is all over the place at the moment.
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 It's very Simple*: When you become Angry, avoid thinking "Oops, shouldn't be angry like this, I must control my emotions!" But focus on, instead, "Hang on.... Why is this making me react in this way? What specifically has triggered this response? Is it justified? (*Remember: 'Simple' doesn't mean 'Easy'. Such disciplineis easy to absorb and to take in, because it's logical; however, implementing the advice is far harder, because it means breaking old habits....)
Author Ross MwcFan Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 It's very Simple*: When you become Angry, avoid thinking "Oops, shouldn't be angry like this, I must control my emotions!" But focus on, instead, "Hang on.... Why is this making me react in this way? What specifically has triggered this response? Is it justified? (*Remember: 'Simple' doesn't mean 'Easy'. Such disciplineis easy to absorb and to take in, because it's logical; however, implementing the advice is far harder, because it means breaking old habits....) I will try it TM, but to be honest I really can't see that changing my emotions, I could be totlaly wrong though.
denise_xo Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I will try it TM, but to be honest I really can't see that changing my emotions, I could be totlaly wrong though. I think sometimes we just have to suspend judgment and just try (and try more than once). Hope it helps
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I will try it TM, but to be honest I really can't see that changing my emotions, I could be totlaly wrong though. Consider this: (It's currently my "Mantra" and it stops and brings me up with a jolt, when I need stopping and bringing up with a jolt) "Whatever you put Energy into, will Grow." This American India piece of wisdom, is also profound: A young boy runs to his old Grandfather, a Cherokee Chieftain, complaining that someone whom he had considered a friend had done him an injustice. The Cherokee Chief sat in silence, listening to the boy's lament, then replied, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. I have struggled to cope with such destructive emotions.... "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way, but only as a last resort, in defence, if he has no other option..... But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing! He is ferocious - and all for naught! Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit." The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?" The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed." 1
Author Ross MwcFan Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Consider this: (It's currently my "Mantra" and it stops and brings me up with a jolt, when I need stopping and bringing up with a jolt) "Whatever you put Energy into, will Grow." This American India piece of wisdom, is also profound: I actually have a print out of the wolf story in my room.
Recommended Posts