How do you grow together in a LDR?

[lunat1ccc]

Today, I broke up with my long distance girlfriend, who is currently stationed in Europe for the next 2 years. One reason we broke up was because I felt that there was no way to actually grow together in a relationship. I believe that a relationship requires two people to be physically together, to see each partner's true self, flaws, and spending time to truly grow. Lacking the physical aspect makes it hard to grow.

 

I just didn't like how her friends got to know her better than I did, because they'd always be around her, work together, hang out, eat together, everything.

 

So, for those who have made it in a LDR, how and what did you do to grow together?

[january2011]

From my experience:

 

• communicating in some way nearly every day, even if it's just short "thinking of you" message
  
• touching base regarding short-, medium- and long-term plans
  
• spending a lot of time together on Skype
  
• talking about our days, even if mundane
  
• telling stories about what happened at work, while out with friends/family
  
• keeping a Skype video call running in the background while going about our business, e.g., eating, chores, sleep, browsing the web and even if friends/family come over - my SO has even taken me grocery shopping with him and switched on video to show me various things in the store and I've been "passed around" to have various chats with friends and family during a get together
  

Not everyone can keep up the pace I mentioned above though, as individual schedules, lifestyles and need for time to recharge away from the relationship will vary. However, the basic aim of the above is to recreate the experience of being there, even if virtual and "in spirit." That is, you are integrated into each other's lives as much as possible, even though you are hundreds/thousands of miles away. It also helps to prioritise the relationship and maintaining the communication and emotional bonds.

 

 

If, like your ex-girlfriend, one has other priorities that take precedence, such as work colleagues, friends or a new job, then it is especially hard, but not impossible.

[FitChick]

Great ideas from January. You just have to be creative and put more effort into it and think about them and making them happy. If there is no reciprocation, you end it as you would with a relationship in real life.

[I'm nuts]

It will fizzle out in the end, you need the physical aspect, to see them, to touch them, without that it will just fade no matter how much you use skype, QQ or texting, a relationship needs substance.

[Pyro]

January nailed it very well.

 

My LDR turned into a happy marriage.

[bluegreen]

Knowing each other, talking stuff that does not involve honey sweetie pea and bunny bear but real stuff like who they are where and will want yo be and how to become that together.

Problems experiences day to day issues happening to one or another making plans for future planing visits helping each other with advice's.

Resolving fears doubts jealousies loving each other even when its hard when you are sad angry missing them and think you can't go on anymore.

 

You can do all of that and find out that she is far away but just me the that one for you or that she is not but how will you grow together as couple if you don't try what if she is there with you and falls in coma looses ability to speech or see walk you see there are bigger problems more horrible then distance if you love this girl and she really loves you don't let it go so easy even most beautiful rich people are having issues finding it ...

[HeavenOrHell]

Depends if we're talking about an LDR where you actually meet up as much as you can IRL, or whether it's just an online thing, which will become dull and fizzle out if you've spent no time together IRL.

 

I've been in an LDR for 2 1/2 years, it's not always been easy, we thought we could live near each other but then weren't able to, we broke up for a little while (a few days as it wasn't what we wanted), we have always been close despite the distance, and we are now closer than ever. If they are there in your heart you don't feel far apart.

 

We have daily communication, phone and skype, we meet every other month, we feel like the other is there for us, we have a strong bond. You can keep the spark alive even from hundreds or thousands of miles apart.

 

So for us, it's far from fizzling out.

 

Maybe it will end one day, any r/ship can, many 'normal' r/ships don't last 2 1/2 years, but I don't think it would be in a fizzling out sort of way, we love each other too much for that, too much of a bond, shared a lot together-physically and when apart, if we split it would be because we can't stand being apart anymore, but unable to close the distance.

 

 

It will fizzle out in the end' date=' you need the physical aspect, to see them, to touch them, without that it will just fade no matter how much you use skype, QQ or texting, a relationship needs substance.[/quote']

[johan]

From my experience:

 

• communicating in some way nearly every day, even if it's just short "thinking of you" message
  
• touching base regarding short-, medium- and long-term plans
  
• spending a lot of time together on Skype
  
• talking about our days, even if mundane
  
• telling stories about what happened at work, while out with friends/family
  
• keeping a Skype video call running in the background while going about our business, e.g., eating, chores, sleep, browsing the web and even if friends/family come over - my SO has even taken me grocery shopping with him and switched on video to show me various things in the store and I've been "passed around" to have various chats with friends and family during a get together
  

 

 

 

Wow. I felt a little strange for doing all that. Like we were the only weirdos who would do such a thing.

 

But I actually took my iPad under the truck once while I was changing the oil, so she could be there. Then when I was doing the brakes she fell asleep, and I muted the sound but kept her on. Occasionally she would wake up and check in with me.

 

The other day we kept one going for 8 hours and we talked and did housework. The iPad is great for that. She can go anywhere with me. Sort of... I guess in a weird sort of way, I'm having a pretty intense relationship with my tablet.

 

First thing in the morning, before we do anything else, we get on Skype. That means she dials me at around 10pm my time. And I catch her in the middle of her day.

 

We rarely are on Skype for a short time. It often stretches for 4 or 5 hours. It really keeps us connected.

[LittleTiger]

Wow. I felt a little strange for doing all that. Like we were the only weirdos who would do such a thing.

 

But I actually took my iPad under the truck once while I was changing the oil, so she could be there. Then when I was doing the brakes she fell asleep, and I muted the sound but kept her on. Occasionally she would wake up and check in with me.

 

The other day we kept one going for 8 hours and we talked and did housework. The iPad is great for that. She can go anywhere with me. Sort of... I guess in a weird sort of way, I'm having a pretty intense relationship with my tablet.

 

First thing in the morning, before we do anything else, we get on Skype. That means she dials me at around 10pm my time. And I catch her in the middle of her day.

 

We rarely are on Skype for a short time. It often stretches for 4 or 5 hours. It really keeps us connected.

 

Same here Johan We've been doing stuff like this for 3 years - and still going strong! We are opposite sides of the world most of the time but we still share our homes and our lives through the computer screen. Until someone has lived it they can't really understand how close it can bring two people.

 

In reality we have always talked to each other more than most couples who live in the same house - and we manage to maintain emotional intimacy without regular sex! When it's the 'real thing' you just make it work.

 

There is no denying it gets tough sometimes but thank goodness for laptops, ipads and Skype - it may sound like a cheesy commercial but these are what 'keep us connected'.