Author starla33 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 How do you define "not talking to you"? He hasn't contacted you for less than 24 hours now? Maybe a day? Maybe 3 days? I have seen women flip out over what I thought was nothing. Did you say to take it slow? Cool off? Moving too fast? Maybe that's what he is doing...slowing it down. And good for him, hopefully he does stay away from you and finds someone else, since you sure jumped to calling him a douchebag so easily. HAHA wow there way to defend the douchebags, I don't jump to conclusions...I go by facts and actions. Also I don't see anything wrong sleeping together and cuddling I find it very intimate. If a guy can't wait then he is not for me and if he feels rejected by this he is also not for me...and i'm pretty sure this guy did not feel rejected.
Author starla33 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 As well he should. No sex on the third date means the woman isn't interested in you and hence you should move on. Thats unfortunate that you feel that way. I refuse to do it on the 3rd date it is way too early for me.
Titanwolf Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 OP, I assume you explained before you go into bed with him, that no sex was going to happen?. I'm sure if we could get the guy to come here and explain his position, a few people might change their tune. In today's day and age, to sleep in the same bed as a man you're interested in, but not have sex with him is rather cruel in my opinion, but that's only if he was expecting it. so OP, what did he say when you explained that you weren't going to have sex with him?
veggirl Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 So have you tried to contact him and he hasn't responded? I do agree that sleeping over at the beginning before sex is a weird thing to do. 2
RedRobin Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) I humbly submit that even the battle-tested (and weary) Red Robin wouldn't even think of sharing a bed with a man unless it was... full-ON ALL NIGHT And probably well into the next day... If he's still able to walk after all that... Anyway, OP... It is confusing to alot of guys to sleep in a bed with him and not have something happen. Any reason why you need to be having these sleepovers/faux sex so early? Not trying to be snarky... Seriously.. what are you trying to learn about him (or him about you) by just sleeping with him in his bed? That you couldn't just ask him about outside of the bedroom? I don't know about the 'douchebag' thing... unless he completely disappeared off the face of the map... seems like a note from him would be expected. Edited September 5, 2012 by RedRobin 1
Author starla33 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 OP, I assume you explained before you go into bed with him, that no sex was going to happen?. I'm sure if we could get the guy to come here and explain his position, a few people might change their tune. In today's day and age, to sleep in the same bed as a man you're interested in, but not have sex with him is rather cruel in my opinion, but that's only if he was expecting it. so OP, what did he say when you explained that you weren't going to have sex with him? Yes I did tell him and was upfront about the fact that it was not going to happen that night. He still wanted me to stay so....
RedRobin Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) Yes I did tell him and was upfront about the fact that it was not going to happen that night. Were you already at his house by then? I mean, you kind of put him in a position to possibly... a) kick you out b) have him tell you... 'sorry, I don't sleep with women I'm not having sex with' Either one could have appeared to be a jerk move on his part if you were already at his house... the hour was late... etc. Seems the only thing he was 'obliged' to do is have you sleep with him and be frustrated... or offer something different. Any other options you provided him? Why again for the sleepover? Was it his suggestion or yours? I'm only asking because (if memory serves) this is a scenario you've encountered before... Sorry if I'm sounding too critical... I'm glad you didn't have sex with him... and I want to encourage your efforts to try out a different pace. Just wondering about how well things are being communicated... In any case, very sorry to hear about your disappointment... maybe he has a good reason to not be in contact... who knows? Edited September 5, 2012 by RedRobin 1
Author starla33 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Were you already at his house by then? I mean, you kind of put him in a position to possibly... a) kick you out b) have him tell you... 'sorry, I don't sleep with women I'm not having sex with' Either one could have appeared to be a jerk move on his part if you were already at his house... the hour was late... etc. Seems the only thing he was 'obliged' to do is have you sleep with him and be frustrated... or offer something different. Any other options you provided him? Why again for the sleepover? Was it his suggestion or yours? I'm only asking because (if memory serves) this is a scenario you've encountered before... Sorry if I'm sounding too critical... I'm glad you didn't have sex with him... and I want to encourage your efforts to try out a different pace. Just wondering about how well things are being communicated... In any case, very sorry to hear about your disappointment... maybe he has a good reason to not be in contact... who knows? Wow so much reading into this thats kind of silly. He asked ME I told him before I even went to his place. He said we didn't have to do anything. And no I was not in this situation before (last time I actually slept with the guy and regretted it after).
TaurusTerp Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Wow so much reading into this thats kind of silly. He asked ME I told him before I even went to his place. He said we didn't have to do anything. And no I was not in this situation before (last time I actually slept with the guy and regretted it after). Of course he said that duh most guys will say that because its part of the BS song and dance we go through before women will sleep with us. Most girls aren't stupid, DO know about the song and dance and go along with it. You apparently are a bit more naive. 1
Quiet Storm Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Of course he said that duh most guys will say that because its part of the BS song and dance we go through before women will sleep with us. Most girls aren't stupid, DO know about the song and dance and go along with it. You apparently are a bit more naive. Yeah, he was hoping you'd get in his bed and find him so hot that you couldn't resist. Some women don't say what they really feel, and men know this. This means they may not take your words at face value. Men also know that women don't want to sound or look like a slut, so they may think you really want it but don't want to say so...and then it will "just happen" when your guard is down. You told him up front, so it's really not you're fault if he assumed the wrong thing. But I can he may have felt that you were teasing him or playing hard to get, because your actions didn't match your words. Saying "no sex" and then climbing into his bed is sending mixed messages. 1
runner Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Yes I did tell him and was upfront about the fact that it was not going to happen that night. He still wanted me to stay so.... next time just cut the date short and tell him you'll see him later. if he's not cool with that and doesn't contact you again, well, there ya go. what is it, was he trying to make you his snuggy-bear for nite nite ? what a bunch of crap, he was hoping you'd change your mind about ****ing him.
Anna84 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 jesus christ!! I cannot BELIEVE the degree of sexism in the reactions posted above.. from which country are you all?!! or which state, better said?! All down south or something? Unbelievable.. stuff like the tune guys sing or whatever it said, because they know that most women don't want to come across as sluts, or not say what they mean straight away?! This is the BOLLOCKS that leads to sexual harassment and rape. It's like the 19 bloody twenties over here, and good luck to you guys with scoring the right kind of women. Cheerio! 1
Imported Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 jesus christ!! I cannot BELIEVE the degree of sexism in the reactions posted above.. from which country are you all?!! or which state, better said?! All down south or something? Unbelievable.. stuff like the tune guys sing or whatever it said, because they know that most women don't want to come across as sluts, or not say what they mean straight away?! This is the BOLLOCKS that leads to sexual harassment and rape. It's like the 19 bloody twenties over here, and good luck to you guys with scoring the right kind of women. Cheerio! Of course no means no. However, you can't be timid. 1
Anna84 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 If men listened to what women said rather than respond to what women actually do we would've died out eons ago. ie I want a sweet, responsible guy who will be there for me and the children and he'll come home on time for dinner and when I get sick he'll take the kids somewhere so I can rest, but im going to sleep with the felon I met yesterday. Of course, for legal reasons you should always be safe when it comes to a woman saying no in a sexual context. You appear to have been raised in a trailerpark or something similar. I feel deeply sorry for you, good luck my friend!
RedRobin Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Wow so much reading into this thats kind of silly. He asked ME I told him before I even went to his place. He said we didn't have to do anything. And no I was not in this situation before (last time I actually slept with the guy and regretted it after). Just asking questions... Still... why do you feel the need to sleep over? Even when he asked? Look... if you want to tow the line and really test the stupid 3rd date rule thing... just don't go over to his house or him yours on any friggin' pretense. No movies, no cooking, no snuggy-bear time... Skip it until you get to the know the guy better and he proves he's really into you (not IN to you.... ha ha). Anyway... all the 3rd date hi-jinks are so overdone it's not even funny. Pick something else to do... 1
RedRobin Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Anyone with a modicum of experience with women people knows you might as well put on some headphones when dealing with women people, what they say is utterly meaningless, just watch what they do. There. Fixed it for you.
RedRobin Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Actually you broke it, I know it's PC to pretend otherwise but men are far more honest and direct in saying what they want. ha ha... really? You walk up to women and ask them... "Wanna f*ck?" Although... yea... I have heard that a couple of times... Once when I was in 9th grade in high school by a guy who was trying to freak me out (didn't work)... And cowards on the street driving by in their cars... Are you either one of those?? :lmao:
oaks Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 "Sleep over dates"....without sex is like sticking your head in the mouth of a hungry lion and then be suprised that he tried to bite your head off. I don't like quite that much biting with my sex.
runner Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Actually you broke it, I know it's PC to pretend otherwise but men are far more honest and direct in saying what they want. sorry but that's not true. i routinely meet passive-agressive man-boys (not friends nor acquaintances) when i'm out and about. what i can confirm however is that some people like play the 'PC defence' when they don't agree with someone else. see it on LS all. the. time. 1
ThaWholigan Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I don't like quite that much biting with my sex. I do 5
veggirl Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I'm pretty sure "Want to come over/sleep over? We don't have to do anything" on a 3rd date is a line! 4
spiderowl Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Sorry that happened. It just shows he was more interested in sex than a relationship. A guy who respects you won't be offended if you don't have sex on the third date, even if you did sleep over. He'll be more interested in building a lasting relationship with you and won't want to risk losing you. 2
xra Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Just be happy you didn't have sex with him and then realize that he was a douchebag. AMEN. Read my OP post in my thread 'I got played :/' and be happy that you didn't make the mistake I did 1
kaylan Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Sorry that happened. It just shows he was more interested in sex than a relationship. A guy who respects you won't be offended if you don't have sex on the third date, even if you did sleep over. He'll be more interested in building a lasting relationship with you and won't want to risk losing you. Or maybe he respects her enough to back off when he sees they want different things. Why is a guy disrespectful or a douche for wanting sex? I respect women Ive had sex with but didnt have a relationship with. People can also not respect those they are in a relationship with. Each situation is different. I just wish people would stop shaming folks who reject them, even if it had to do with sex. OP doesnt even really know if thats the case for sure because the guy hasnt gotten back to her. He didnt sleep with her, he felt they werent compatible...no one is a bad guy here. 4
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