starla33 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Went on a few awesome dates and slept over on 3rd date, but didn't have sex said I was not ready. Guy is not talking to me anymore...surprise surprise lol and he actually seemed like a nice guy was not crazy hot or anything
madjac74 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Just be happy you didn't have sex with him and then realize that he was a douchebag. 6
kaylan Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Went on a few awesome dates and slept over on 3rd date, but didn't have sex said I was not ready. Guy is not talking to me anymore...surprise surprise lol and he actually seemed like a nice guy was not crazy hot or anything I dont see how it makes him a douchebag. Guys usually take what you did as a signal that you arent much into him or attracted to him. Who the hell sleeps in their dates bed and doesnt have sex? Like others have said on this forum before...do not share a bed with someone you havent been dating long if you guys arent going to hook up. Id personally see your behavior as c0ck teasing and Id assume you werent much into me and would leave it up to you to come after me. 2
Author starla33 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 I dont see how it makes him a douchebag. Guys usually take what you did as a signal that you arent much into him or attracted to him. Who the hell sleeps in their dates bed and doesnt have sex? Like others have said on this forum before...do not share a bed with someone you havent been dating long if you guys arent going to hook up. Id personally see your behavior as c0ck teasing and Id assume you werent much into me and would leave it up to you to come after me. Right because cuddling and making out all night is not into you, whatever man.
madjac74 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I dont see how it makes him a douchebag. Guys usually take what you did as a signal that you arent much into him or attracted to him. Who the hell sleeps in their dates bed and doesnt have sex? Like others have said on this forum before...do not share a bed with someone you havent been dating long if you guys arent going to hook up. Id personally see your behavior as c0ck teasing and Id assume you werent much into me and would leave it up to you to come after me. I shared a bed with a girl on the first date and we did nothing but talk all night and laugh at stupid reality shows on MTV. She ended up being what I consider the love of my life and the sex happened eventually and it was fantastic. 4
kaylan Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) Right because cuddling and making out all night is not into you, whatever man. That doesnt mean they want to or will have sex with me ever. Ive made out with girls Ive never had the intention of sleeping with or moving things further. It happens dude...with a lot of people. Cuddling and kissing is easy...and that kind of affection is nice...but it doesnt mean sex will happen. Based on your logic, I should expect sex from women who ever kiss me on dates or cuddle with me during a movie. I should assume they will always be into me. But thats not always the case Think about that.I shared a bed with a girl on the first date and we did nothing but talk all night and laugh at stupid reality shows on MTV. She ended up being what I consider the love of my life and the sex happened eventually and it was fantastic. Exceptions dont make the rules. Rushing to bed with someone you arent sleeping with is not the best idea. Lets not pretend that for every story like yours, there isnt ten stories about a guy making out with a girl who never calls him again. Or sleeping in the same bed with a girl who never sleeps with him...even if it happens more than once. If someone isnt ready for sex, and doesnt want to send mixed signals...dont sleep in bed with someone you barely know. You can kiss and cuddle on the couch, and then you can go home to your own bed. Edited September 5, 2012 by kaylan
oaks Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Went on a few awesome dates and slept over on 3rd date, but didn't have sex said I was not ready. Guy is not talking to me anymore...surprise surprise lol and he actually seemed like a nice guy was not crazy hot or anything After only 3 dates he doesn't want to talk to you anymore. Why does that make him a douchebag? Do you think he owes you a 4th date? Or even a phone call? If it was just 3 dates, and he doesn't like what you're offering, why continue with it?
madjac74 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Exceptions dont make the rules. Rushing to bed with someone you arent sleeping with is not the best idea. Lets not pretend that for every story like yours, there isnt ten stories about a guy making out with a girl who never calls him again. Or sleeping in the same bed with a girl who never sleeps with him...even if it happens more than once. If someone isnt ready for sex, and doesnt want to send mixed signals...dont sleep in bed with someone you barely know. You can kiss and cuddle on the couch, and then you can go home to your own bed. That's fair enough. I suppose for every guy who expects nothing from a date there are 20 guys who expect a BJ or something. And perhaps the girl I was with actually expected something. I suppose it comes down to was that failed attempt as some may call it worth another date and I guess she was lucky that he showed his true colors and just got out of her life.
madjac74 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 There is also the possibility that he just got hit by a Miller Lite truck the next morning and he is clinging to life wondering why you haven't come to visit him after 3 awesome dates
johan Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Went on a few awesome dates and slept over on 3rd date, but didn't have sex said I was not ready. Guy is not talking to me anymore...surprise surprise lol and he actually seemed like a nice guy was not crazy hot or anything I find that lame. He should be man enough to wait. But you're lucky you found out he wasn't before you did have sex. I've spent the night with girls many times and not had sex. It actually seems to be a turn on for them to know that you like them enough to wait. It builds trust early in the relationship. What you did was not a strange thing to do. It wasn't a tease. It was just a way to get close without going all the way so soon. 3
BS76 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I dont see how it makes him a douchebag. Guys usually take what you did as a signal that you arent much into him or attracted to him. Who the hell sleeps in their dates bed and doesnt have sex? Like others have said on this forum before...do not share a bed with someone you havent been dating long if you guys arent going to hook up. Id personally see your behavior as c0ck teasing and Id assume you werent much into me and would leave it up to you to come after me. I have to agree. Poor guy probably had serious blue balls after that and felt extremely rejected.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Hmmm I find that strange. Are you sure he is ignoring you because you didn't have sex? In my experiences, even douches are prepared to wait for a bit, especially if there is escalation in sexual intimacy. 3
prettylittlethings Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Patience is a virtue and most women can see that and appreciate it greatly. One of the biggest mistakes men make in dating is coming on too strong, too soon, sexually. I can't think of any circumstances when it sends the right message. Whether it's in the beginning and the guy is drunk dialing and making sexual remarks (using an example of a post on LS), or a guy is pushing for sex early on, it's a turn off, not a turn on. Showing the slightest amount of frustration when a girl isn't putting out as quickly as you want her to is also very off putting. That attitude of "she was leading me on" isn't going to get you very far with a woman.
madjac74 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Or he really just got hit by a Miller Lite truck! After 3 dates and in this age of text only, maybe something happened and he can't respond. We don't even know the time frame he hasn't talked to her.
kaylan Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 That's fair enough. I suppose for every guy who expects nothing from a date there are 20 guys who expect a BJ or something. And perhaps the girl I was with actually expected something. I suppose it comes down to was that failed attempt as some may call it worth another date and I guess she was lucky that he showed his true colors and just got out of her life.Thats if we assume he just wanted sex. If he did, theres nothing wrong with that and hes not a douche bag for bailing before anything could happen. Its possible hes a perceptive guy like me and backed off because he could tell that this girl wanted more than he would. Thats a possibility no? There is also the possibility that he just got hit by a Miller Lite truck the next morning and he is clinging to life wondering why you haven't come to visit him after 3 awesome dates What about another possibility that he felt she wasnt that into him due to her sleeping in the same bed and nothing getting sexual. Its not common for relative strangers to sleep in the same bed and nothing much happen. As I said, some guys could see that as her not having the highest interest in him. Im agreeing with oaks here. They wanted different things and hes not a douche bag for wanting whatever he may have wanted. Were all making assumptions here. Why are guys douche bags for wanting sex, yet backing off of the girls who want more than sex....but still seen in the same realm as the guys who move forward, lead a girl on, and then use her. The user is the douche bag. Not the guy who simply has a sex drive but did nothing wrong.
SJC2008 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Or he really just got hit by a Miller Lite truck! After 3 dates and in this age of text only, maybe something happened and he can't respond. We don't even know the time frame he hasn't talked to her. You were afraid to turn down his invite to spending the night because you didn't want to get nexted so you spent the night and figured you'd use the "not ready" but make out with him a lot to keep him interested. You should of spared both of yalls time and said no and got nexted because it would of shown his true colors before hand which is want you want in dating, for the other person to show their true colors sooner than later so you can decide whether or not to persue them/be persued. Stop having sleepover dates until you're ready to smash. The good ones will wait, you just gotta believe.
madjac74 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Thats if we assume he just wanted sex. If he did, theres nothing wrong with that and hes not a douche bag for bailing before anything could happen. Its possible hes a perceptive guy like me and backed off because he could tell that this girl wanted more than he would. Thats a possibility no? What about another possibility that he felt she wasnt that into him due to her sleeping in the same bed and nothing getting sexual. Its not common for relative strangers to sleep in the same bed and nothing much happen. As I said, some guys could see that as her not having the highest interest in him. Im agreeing with oaks here. They wanted different things and hes not a douche bag for wanting whatever he may have wanted. Were all making assumptions here. Why are guys douche bags for wanting sex, yet backing off of the girls who want more than sex....but still seen in the same realm as the guys who move forward, lead a girl on, and then use her. The user is the douche bag. Not the guy who simply has a sex drive but did nothing wrong. I get your points kaylan and everyone is entitled to how they feel and can bail at any time but a real douchebag is someone who just disappears. It would take very little to just tell her "I'm not interested anymore" I have been the douche too many times unfortunately
phineas Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I don't sleep with women i'm not sleeping with. Period.
ascendotum Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 One of the biggest mistakes men make in dating is coming on too strong, too soon, sexually. I can't think of any circumstances when it sends the right message. Whether it's in the beginning and the guy is drunk dialing and making sexual remarks (using an example of a post on LS), or a guy is pushing for sex early on, it's a turn off, not a turn on. Depends on how hot the guy is, how many drinks she's had and how horny she is. If you invite a guy back to your place for the night, not every guy will, but don't be shocked if most come on strong. Hmmm I find that strange. Are you sure he is ignoring you because you didn't have sex? In my experiences, even douches are prepared to wait for a bit, especially if there is escalation in sexual intimacy.I agree, in this case, he spent the night in bed with her. Its no stretch of the imagination for the guy to conclude the next date its gonna be 'show time'. Even if you are a lazy douche, if you are 3/4 of the way there, you wouldn't bail if it was purely the nookie that was motivating your interest in the girl. Like others have said on this forum before...do not share a bed with someone you havent been dating long if you guys arent going to hook up I agree don't invite a guy back into your bed, but already know in your mind that you are going to be finger wagging him, when he tries to grope you in the bedroom.
Lamplight Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Way to go!! You forced his hand and didn't compromise yourself in the process. He is a douchebag because he just disappeared with no expectation at all. Only men who are spineless cowards do that. That goodness that you didn't have sex with him. 1
Imported Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Went on a few awesome dates and slept over on 3rd date, but didn't have sex said I was not ready. Guy is not talking to me anymore...surprise surprise lol and he actually seemed like a nice guy was not crazy hot or anything How do you define "not talking to you"? He hasn't contacted you for less than 24 hours now? Maybe a day? Maybe 3 days? I have seen women flip out over what I thought was nothing. Did you say to take it slow? Cool off? Moving too fast? Maybe that's what he is doing...slowing it down. And good for him, hopefully he does stay away from you and finds someone else, since you sure jumped to calling him a douchebag so easily.
ThaWholigan Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Patience is a virtue and most women can see that and appreciate it greatly. One of the biggest mistakes men make in dating is coming on too strong, too soon, sexually. I can't think of any circumstances when it sends the right message. Whether it's in the beginning and the guy is drunk dialing and making sexual remarks (using an example of a post on LS), or a guy is pushing for sex early on, it's a turn off, not a turn on. Showing the slightest amount of frustration when a girl isn't putting out as quickly as you want her to is also very off putting. That attitude of "she was leading me on" isn't going to get you very far with a woman. One of the biggest mistakes men make is also the opposite - not making a move at all . Too much patience and you get the LJBF speech The skill is in reading the other person. 3
Imported Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 One of the biggest mistakes men make is also the opposite - not making a move at all . I disagree. I am pretty sure it is the biggest mistake for most men. 1
oaks Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Went on a few awesome dates and slept over on 3rd date, but didn't have sex said I was not ready. Guy is not talking to me anymore...surprise surprise lol and he actually seemed like a nice guy was not crazy hot or anything At what point in the process of accepting a sleepover date did you explain to him that no sex would be taking place? How did he take this news?
Imported Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 "Sleep over dates"....without sex is like sticking your head in the mouth of a hungry lion and then be suprised that he tried to bite your head off. 1
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