Reconciliation of the third kind!

[mistermr]

Interesting development.

 

Quick recap: Me[27] Her[24] cheated on me after a 4.5 year live-in relationship. I dumped her, moved back home. She stayed with him....

 

2 months later... he dumps her.

 

I can't deny how happy I was to hear that. But I'm not as happy as I thought I'd be. Interesting that.

 

Anyway. We had a long, fun, funny conversation tonight. Like old friends, it was the girl I used to know and love. I still love and she loves me.

 

We talked about how we both don't want to reconcile as partners. Which is good, I'm glad it didn't end up with her running back to me and me accepting her back with open arms. **** that.

 

Neither of us were jealous about what we plan to do next: Enjoy single life for a bit.

 

Second chances? At friendship. Yes, I bloody well hope so. She ****ed up and broke my heart. Can I forgive her? Yes, life is too short to hold grudges.

 

Will we get back together? Maybe, but not for a long time.

 

 

Am I doing the right thing? Should I be following NO CONTACT? Find out in next weeks show!

[mistermr]

Okay a little update.

 

We have spoken a few times and it has been like old friends talking. But I still let my feelings get in the way. She talks about the possibilities of dating other people, as do I. But whenever either of us got too specific I think we both feel slightly uncomfortable, I know I did and I sensed it in her voice too.

 

Here comes the weird part: I did a bad thing, I snooped at her emails. I saw she had signed up to a dating website and I snooped on there too. Well, lesson learned. I got my fingers burned. It's absolutely mortifying reading messages from the girl you love flirting up other people.

 

I couldn't take it any more. I told her to change all her passwords because I knew I'd be tempted to look again, kinda like watching a car crash. I felt so ashamed.

 

She was pissed off at me and rightly so!

 

I kept sending her messages, trying to explain myself and telling her how sorry I was. I really was, I hated that I became that person.

 

She replied back with something like; "It's good that you told me but just let me be pissed at you".

 

I'm still unsure whether or not keeping in contact is good? But if we recover from this incident and I keep my mind off what's she's doing, then maybe there's a chance?

 

I only flipped out because I saw her being extra flirty with one guy and well, horrible mental images n all that But if I don't know about that ****, then there's no problem. I want her to be happy, yes she cheated on me but it's obvious that I'm willing to get over that. Especially if it leads me to finding a better partner.

 

I have no idea when we'll talk again. I'm giving her space today but how long do you think I should wait?

[BooBoo1982]

I think you are fooling yourself by thinking you are ready for friendship and nothing more, you still love her and I think you might end up getting hurt if you continue with this friendship. I would wait until you are over her before you try thr friendship route.

 

I could be wrong, it's just my opinion.

[head/heels]

I have to say that I feel strongly that you are not over her. It is plain to see, at least for me, reading your words. Also, your actions show that as well.

.

I tell you this because you also mention that you dont want to have a relationship with her, that you just want to be friends but it does seem that you do hope that you two will get back together. There is nothing wrong with that but do realize that there are no guarantees if you do get back together.

.

I would recommend that you go back to no contact, heal and make a life for yourself as a single man and when you truly feel that you are over her and over the hurt and betrayal of her cheating then you can assess if you should email/text/call her. There are just too many fresh emotions I am sensing that can really cloud your judgement at this time. I also know how good it feels to think that there is another chance right around the corner but if you havent come to grips with why it ended and also healed from it you may be right back where you started.

I hope that helps and wish you the best.

[geegirl]

It's absolutely mortifying reading messages from the girl you love flirting up other people.

 

I'm confused. She cheated on you. That should have been mortifying enough to want to stay away from her, especially when you still have feelings for her and you have hope.

 

Your first post was a lie to yourself. You convinced yourself that it's a walk in the park getting in contact again. You're just keeping up appearances.

 

You had no right to snoop. You're not in a relationship with her. If you can't handle this farce, get out, NC and start your healing. Besides, she's not interested in you that way, if you're hanging around to see if she changes her mind.