gnorgnorgnor Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Ok here goes, my 4 years relationship ended about a month ago and i asked my ex yest face to face if we still got a chance of getting back together, she said yes maybe but would be after 2 years as she wanted to finish her studies and doesnt want to commit to a BGR, so i went ahead and asked if she still have feelings for me and she replied she dunno. She asked y not chase her again as a friend and maybe after 2 years, we could be together? But at the same time she asked me to find other girls during this period and don't just be so commited to her as she doesn't want to guarantee me that after these 2 years she might still want me back. So now what should i do? Anyone in the same boat as me? 2 years is kinda long, should i actually remain as her friend n chase her back or should i let it go which i really cant right now?
salmagundi Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I have to ask you, do you want what she wants or do you want what you want? She is so diffident about your relationship that she can't even commit to leaving you on the back burner for chrissakes! What do you want? Do you want to wait around for two years to see if 'maybe' she will then want to get back with you? Even though she 'dunno' if she even has feelings for you? Why would you even consider this? She wants to concentrate on her studies? Fyck that! Does she mean she plans on leaving off sex for two years to leave more time for homework? Would you believe her? Never seen two people in love maintain a relationship while pursuing a degree? Seriously, screw this. THis is what is happening. She is shoving you aside because she wants to live it up for her last two years of school and see what she might be missing out on. She is going to put herself out there and is hoping she finds someone who really gets her engine running. If she does, you can forget about her in two years. If she doesn't then 'maybe' you will have a shot at the consolation prize. But in the meantime what are you going to do for the next 2 years? Planning on leaving off sex too, are you? Good luck!
Calico Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 She asked y not chase her again as a friend and maybe after 2 years, we could be together? But at the same time she asked me to find other girls during this period and don't just be so commited to her as she doesn't want to guarantee me that after these 2 years she might still want me back. She's gently telling you that it is over. Really over. She's not actually saying, "Wait two years and then I'll date you again.", but "This is finished, go and have some fun with others and be happy.". The two years thing is just a bit of a buffer she provides you with so that you don't fall into nowhere. After four years, she obviously cares for you and she is trying to be nice here, but her feelings have nevertheless changed. The whole "no relationship while I study" thing is basically telling you the same thing. If she loved you and wanted to be with you, her studies would not prevent her from having a romantic relationship with you. People in love aren't so rational and calculated, but want to be with who they love. Again, she does care about you and that is why is trying to do this softly. This doesn't mean she won't ever be back, but you really should not wait. If she'll come back, she'll come back no matter what you do. Waiting for her would only make you dislike her eventually, and quite possibly she'd get annoyed by it, too. Sorry for being so blunt about it. It does hurt and it will take time to get better. Facing reality, though, no matter how painful, will help you to move on and get better. Wish I could offer you a shortcut, but there's none. (Switching to a No Contact scenario is the fastest, but I don't know if you're ready for that.)
Author gnorgnorgnor Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 So its best for me to go NO CONTACT as from now?
Calico Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 If you are ready for it (that is, if you had enough). NC's purpose is for you to heal and get over the person and the situation. It'll get worse before it gets better, too (I can confirm the "worse" part so far!). It's the fastest way and you don't risk much by it. It may even make her miss you, but that is not the reason why you should go NC. You don't want it to be a mind game or power struggle, but use it to feel better and move on.
Author gnorgnorgnor Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Thx for the advices, i'll try my best to NC
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