Boredguy Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Okay first things first: We are both 14, and I know people will probably say "You shouldn't be in an LDR" well we really love eachother, it's been three months and we are still happy as can be, and we are both mature. Anyways, at school she gets harassed, in a sexual way, these guys try and grab her, and one has touched her breasts and I just wish I could be there to defend her. She should tell someone but I think she is worried or something. Is there anything I can do? We are 500 miles away and it hurts knowing she is having to go through all of this.
GorillaTheater Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 This is a good time to learn that being a White Knight in a relationship is a pretty thankless and futile job. You listen to her, and suggest, once or maybe twice, that she report the harrassment to her parents and to the school officials. It's her job to take care of this, not yours.
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 BoredGuy this is bullying and harassment, and she should never have to put up with it. But she MUST report it to someone at the school. Tell her to try to always be with someone, and to avoid the guys who do this.
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 The other thing is - and I hesitate to say this, because obviously I really don't have a full picture - but there is just the tiniest possibility that she may be telling you this to ... ...make you jealous. This kind of harassment is extremely rare. It's so risky, most guys wouldn't be seen dead harassing a fellow pupil in this way. I'm not saying she's lying - maybe some guys are giving her a hard time - but physical stuff like this is almost unheard of....touching her breasts? Man, that is sooo high-risk.... And distance makes it impossible for you to really verify, and check. I'm a girl.. I know how girls' minds work. This might be a test of your devotion to her, to see how you react. The 'stronger' your reaction, the more you must care.... Just think about it for a minute....
Author Boredguy Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 She always could be, but I don't think it's something she would do :/ I mean she goes to a pretty bad school, so it's more believable that this would be happening to her, than her lying. With my "ex" i would have thought immediately she was making it up, she did those things to see how much you would care. She's also been rather depressed, and yesterday she was almost scared (dunno if that's the right word) to go to school, or just being at school. I just wish there was someway I could be with her, or help her out.
KathyM Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I highly doubt she's making this stuff up. She is being sexually harrassed, and if they have groped her, that is a sexual assault. You should encourage her to tell this to her school counselor or school principal, and they hopefully will suspend those boys from school. I know how it feels to be harrassed in this way. When I was 12 years old, attending a middle school in a safe suburban community, I had a guy a couple of years older continually following me home from school, stalking me, someone I didn't know but who went to my school. Normally, he would just follow me and I would ignore him, hoping he would stop, but once he caught up to me, put his arm around me and his hand under my skirt. I went to great lengths to try to avoid him, walking far out of my way home hoping he would not find me. This went on for months. I was too embarrassed/ashamed to tell anyone. This was before sexual harrassment laws were in place. You should take this seriously. What they are doing is against the law, and you should encourage your girlfriend to tell school officials or the school counselor so this behavior will stop. 2
justwhoiam Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 First thing she should do is not to wear anything pretty, showy or that can catch attention. Tell her to avoid skinny clothes too. Sexual thoughts are favored by enhanced body features. Secondly, she should inform some teacher within the school. I agree about parents, but honestly, I also know they usually are the last to know. So let's be real. And third, get to talk to some of her friends, schoolmates and see if they can report the problem for her. You need tact, as this is a very delicate matter.
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 She needs to learn to defend herself from these kinds of attacks by reporting these boys to school counselors/staff so that they can have a long talk to these young guys about the rules of what's appropriate and what is not...not that they should have to. Also they can contact their parents. Unfortunately most women don't know how to do this and are afraid of the backlash or attention this will get, so they'd rather just ignore and then just let some other poor girl deal with It over the same fears. She also needs to tell boys no so they take her seriously and she needs to mean it or they'll just think she's playful. Lastly If she is playfully teasing these boys and giving them the OK at least in their minds to engage in this then her behavior may have something to do with this, and when it comes to women they can do very bizarre things to gain your attention or make you jealous, I didn't believe it for myself until it happened to me and realized all the crazy crap women do to manipulate situations with men...I don't know If she's doing this to you now but I can tell you I'm 31 and women are still playing some crazy games nowadays to test you and mess with your head. Another thing....do yourself a favor and don't call yourselves mature...I promise you 5 years from now you'll laugh at yourself for it, and then when you're 19 and still think you are...5 years from then you'll laugh at yourself again for thinking it...most people learn the hard way, and so very likely will you, don't put the added embarrassment of thinking you knew you were more aware than you really are because you were "mature" don't think you can get away with this or that because you are, doesn't matter If you're mature for your age...It's a good thing but don't base decisions off of it, it'll be the biggest trick you've ever played on yourself, I can promise you that.
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) First thing she should do is not to wear anything pretty, showy or that can catch attention. Tell her to avoid skinny clothes too. Sexual thoughts are favored by enhanced body features. ......You need tact, as this is a very delicate matter. It bugs me, whether this is a perception or reality, that women get admonished for wearing the clothing they enjoy wearing, for fear it will send out "The Wrong Message". Women are constantly being advised to "Don't wear this, or be careful wearing that, or don't look too *whatever*..." It's appalling that it'a women who have to be cautious about their presentation, because it's the men who misinterpret any signals they perceive are being sent. In reality, a lot of the time - there are no signals being sent other than "I enjoy wearing this, I like the way I look and it makes me feel nice" The signal is hardly ever "Look at me guys, I am eminently screwable, why don't you come onto me and pester me, harass me, and make assumptions that what I'm looking for is a leg-over, simply because you believe you have a right to react that way?" Sexual thoughts are favored by enhanced body features. In other words, men get horny when they notice the tits and ass. There is no 'Wrong Message' - because often, there is No message - at all. Yet many guys still think with their dicks and assume a girl is asking for it. Oh really? Think again. Edited September 7, 2012 by TaraMaiden 2
justwhoiam Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 go on with your policy, tara. I prefer less risks to get noticed than being raped. That didn't mean you can't wear what you want, that was meant to discourage being the focus in a bad school, before action has been taken.
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I didn't say it was my policy. I'm just saying it entirely pi$$es me off, that's all. It's an attitude that I would have understood in the 19th century, but in these so-called enlightened times of equality, you'd think we'd be past all that crap by now. But no. Women still get the "Well dressed like that, she's asking for it" baloney.
bluegreen Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 You both ladies have some valid points unfortunately some young girls I see on streets FB or just around look like they could give seasoned hooker lessons in make up or dressing its sick and they are hardly day over 13-14-15 years old are they asking for it its hard to say cause their little chicken brains have not even went so far to think about it except will they get noticed. Now on another hand NO its never right to be groped just cause you wear something some girls even in most conservative clothing have body made for sin and its not possible to ignore it is it their fault of course NOT what they could do about it is try to resemble and be who they are normal smart girls who dress and look presentable Future Queen of England is stunning example of someone any young girl would be and should be follower. Once they grow up mature become adults maybe then they can dress however they wish but then they will be capable of actually handling it to ... 1
Author Boredguy Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 Thanks everyone. She's talked to her parents about it. Knowing how bad her last school was in this area, they are pretty upset she has to go to this one, and go through all the sexual harassment, and bullying. So they are trying to work it out, if it gets worse they will probably enroll her into a private school or something. Anyways thanks a lot for the help everyone c:
bluegreen Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 USA gives a people lot of good and lot of bad as well and that includes free will and choices but it does not teach them or has to how to be responsible for them and neither those who choose how to behave certain way are doing it. Then when s... hits a fan its "always" I didn't know I could not have done that and most famous its someone else s fault !!! What is real truth here about this young lady only she knows and it could be either one I mentioned but am glad that is has been resolved or nothing here is truth but young silly does not know better girl wanted to make her bf jealous case ...
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