lunat1ccc Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 I had the courage to break up with my long distance Army gf. I love her, but I felt that we met at the wrong time/wrong place. I first met her during Army training and was with her for a few months, until she got stationed in Europe. I feel that it was mostly my fault. I understand that she has a busy lifestyle being in the Army, but I sometimes felt that I wasn't a priority to her. We'd still talk and Skype, but it wasn't as much as I wanted it to be. She was placed in an infantry unit where the majority of her battle buddies are males, and I admit that I got insecure many times. I'd get jealous when she'd hang out with her battle buddies all the time, and only Skyped me right before bed. I feel that it was all my fault. I just felt that I couldn't keep on being unhappy and worried all the time. I was never used to having a girlfriend that was naturally flirty. She tells me it's because she never had a father figure when she was young, and lacked the attention. Regardless, I feel like I gave up on us. =/ I don't think it has hit me yet, but I am greatly sad deep inside. I really did love her and wish that she were closer.
Author lunat1ccc Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 She is 19 and I'm 24. I used to have issues with her regarding compatibility, since in Europe, you tend you drink a lot, or so it is within the Army. I think it would've been a bit different, had I been in Europe and her back home, but because the Army is a male-dominated occupation, I was a bit hesitant. The problem originated in the beginning, with her being naturally flirty with others, kissing guys on the cheek, etc. but she never did anything considered cheating. She would compromise with me when I said something about her going clubbing every weekend, when she first got to Europe. I just felt neglected too, because she'd spend all her time with her male friends; I mean, they live right next to each other. I just want someone that would be excited to talk to me after a hard day's work. I can't say that she didn't try to make this work, because I feel that she did put in effort to compromise, talk to me more when I brought up certain issues, etc. But, it was hard for me to truly trust her and others around her, when my insecurities got the best of me. I feel selfish but can't help how I felt about the relationship and her around guys all the time. I could feel that she started acting like the guys and talking like them. I don't know, I'm rambling, but I feel that it's all because of trust issues. It was hard for me when there are guys who are trying to sleep with her, and her being a flirt, would return that favor of flirting. She seems to love attention from others. What do you guys think?
Calico Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 My thoughts, well, I think you can't really have a lasting or fulfilling relationship if you always wonder if the other person is faithful. It just makes you paranoid, distrusting and controlling, and besides causing you to be unhappy, it'll also slowly destroy your relationship. I completely and genuinely trusted my most recent ex (still hard to write that word) that I had been with for nearly four years, and in the end, she still cheated on me. In other relationships, where I was overly jealous, the girls never did anything and my lack of trust caused arguments. So there is no guarantee either way and you just need to somehow "let go" and accept that whatever happens, happens. You can't put a woman into a cage. For future relationships, looking a bit into your trust issues may be a good idea, if only so that you can enjoy the partnership more, with less anxiety and obsessive thought pattern. As for whether you did the "right thing" in this situation, I don't know. There probably is no one "right thing", so all decisions are "all right". If you had stayed, it may have eaten you up. She may have cheated on you. Or she may not have, but your distrust would have eventually driven her off. So, you didn't make a mistake -- you just made a decision and all you can do is learn a little from it. Perhaps look for a girl who is not in the army or who is more stationary, so that you have more "together time". Maybe someone a few years older, too.
Author lunat1ccc Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Thanks Calico. I don't think LDRs are for me, and I plan on not having one anymore. It was just hard for me because she was far away and I didn't know what she was always up to. And her being naturally flirty with others didn't help with trusting her as much. I just think she got tired of me always being indecisive about our relationship and how I'd hurt her numerous times by trying to break up whenever I felt she had done something that would trigger my lack of trust. When she was in the States, it was a lot better because I could visit her at least once a month. Do you think that my action of breaking up with her is justified because of the lack of trust I had with her due to her being super flirty? And her being in a unit full of infantry men and only hanging out with males didn't help either.
CaliBabe Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I think you did the right thing. At this point you have to do what is best for yourself and if you are not feeling secure in your relationship than you did what was best for you. LDR are really hard and takes much effort on both parties. I'm sorry for your pain, but it was probably for the better.
Author lunat1ccc Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 I know that I'll be okay. I just feel like had we been closer, without a doubt, we could've done this journey together. That's what I hate. The fact that, we could've made it work, if circumstances allowed.
january2011 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I'm sorry to hear this. I had hoped that you two would work it out. 1
Author lunat1ccc Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 I just think it'd help so much if I could go visit her. But, I'm tight on money. I deleted her off Facebook, because I told her that I need to heal. However, she tells me that she can't NOT have a part of me in her life. She tells me to please add her back.. that she wouldn't write anything on my wall, etc. Even today, she messaged me to not cut her out, if I really did love her, and she tells me that she loves me. What should I do? This break up is hard for both of us, because we still do love each other.
Mike_d Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 usually the hard thing to do is the right thing to do.
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