Kite Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago, because I fought to much with him, which made him lose his feelings for me and no longer wants to be intimate with me. Aside from my begging and not understanding what was going on, it was not a bad break up. No mean things were said. I love him a lot and can't seem to come to grips with the situation, I keep hoping he'll tell me it was a mistake or something. We fought because I felt he wasn't giving me enough attention. He is emotionally distant. I didn't realize fighting was such a big issue for him. We didn't fight that often really. I never really harassed him after the break other than asking him 3 times whether he was sure. He keeps saying that we can see how things go in a few months, but can't be sure and that I shouldn't push him. Left him alone for the last 2 weeks. He has never initiated contact. So, tonight I phone him and we chat a bit, but then I ask whether we can't have another chance, because I love him and miss him, etc. I told him to not spare my feelings and tell me straight that it's over if it is, I can't keep hoping anymore. He said I am putting him in an awkward situation and he can't think about it now, but will phone me tomorrow. Is this a bad sign? Have I pushed him too far? I feel this relationship is worth saving and that stress (we both have new jobs) has brought us to this point. Could his feelings have changed due to stress?
TaraMaiden Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 The awkward situation? That's the "Yes, of course we've broken up" bit. He has broken up with you. Needing space is the classic way of putting a distance between yourself and your partner, in order not to ever have to say - "I think we should break up. I guarantee if you decide to go No Contact - he will not break it any time soon, and when eventually he does, it will just be to 'touch base' and ask if you're ok. Hew really doesn't want back in, but you're corenring him,a nd he doesn't want to hurt your feelings any more than this. You've broken up. go No Contact (Read the Caliguy Link in my signature) and stay right away from him. And start living life as a single person, because trust me - he is.
Author Kite Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 I am painfully aware that what I am doing is wrong. Believe me. It's just that the reason for the break up is so fixable. We were together for 2.5 years. We had a fight maybe once every 2 weeks and they were never crazy fights. More like serious discussions. I KNOW I should just forget about him, but I can't.
TaraMaiden Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 have you ever stopped to think that actually, it was just as good an excuse as any to just bow out? maybe his heart was already no longer in it... and this proved to be a timely opportunity to back out.... It's possible also that the 'awkward situation' involves another lady....
Author Kite Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 I have considered this, but am not sure. He assured me there was no other woman involved. I checked his phone right after the break up and there were flirtatious messages between him and a co-worker. confronted him. He said it went nowhere and relationships at work weren't allowed. She is still with her bf. I don't know what to believe. He said he put a stop to it, but that when he started getting interested in her he was sure he had to break up with me. He doesn't want to be that kind of man. and the main reason for losing his feelings are the fights. I left this out of the OP because I don't know whether it has bearing on the situation. Am I being naive?
Hddforyou Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 From a guys perspective.. Ignore him.. Move on.. When you Smother him with your love and concern you will push him away. He will feel as if he has the power and in control. From the last time you contacted him make it a 60 day plan. DONT contact him in these 60 days and IF he doesn't contact back before the end. YOU will be stronger and you will be able to move on, and it will show you he doesn't care.
TaraMaiden Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I have considered this, but am not sure. He assured me there was no other woman involved. I checked his phone right after the break up and there were flirtatious messages between him and a co-worker. confronted him. He said it went nowhere and relationships at work weren't allowed. She is still with her bf. Yes... and he is still with his GF. You. What does that mean, then? I don't know what to believe. He said he put a stop to it, but that when he started getting interested in her he was sure he had to break up with me. He doesn't want to be that kind of man. and the main reason for losing his feelings are the fights. No, the main reason for losing his feelings is that he has lost his feelings and is attracted to other women. A person who hasn't lost his/her feelings doesn't have a desire to have feelings for other people. The fights are an excuse. I told you. See? You didn't mention "a third party" in your 1st post. But I got there anyway, huh? I left this out of the OP because I don't know whether it has bearing on the situation. Am I being naive? Bluntly? Yes. I'm afraid you are. The mere presence of flirtatious texts to another woman, whom he sees every day, are as red a warning flag as you could ever hope to get. "She is still with her BF". Gimme a break.....!
chados Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 attraction to other people is the problem everyone has. when you learn to see past that is when you can live with someone for the rest of your life. personally ive had that problem too. and i still do. no relationship will ever be the same as it ones was. it will never be as exciting as it was in the beginning. but i will never do that mistake. after a while youre partner becomes a really good friend too. someone you have a history with. and if is a good history you share, dont leave it just because you think that the girl in the coffee shop is cute. because thats what your ex also was at first. then you lost attraction. well work to build it up instead. "im talking about people in general, not you or your boyfriend personally" you should stay away. like someone said in the above post. its known fact that if you run in to your ex after a long time, and the relationship was a good one. that the dumper can feel. damn she looks good right now. that of course doesnt mean youre getting back together or anything. but the chances are higher then if youre chasing him. ive been in this situation and we all react differently. but if theres something i have learned it is. be careful with going back to your ex. and you should have a really good reason to even consider doing so.
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