Bobbyroland Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Hi Everyone, My girlfriend and i have been together for close to 2 years. She's 21 and i am 28. (she's not like your average 21 year old because she's not really interested in partying and all that. she's very concerned about her future/family etc..) We are both very much in love with each other. Recently i began pressuring her and making her feel trapped. i wasn't sure why at the time but instead of stopping i just kept doing it. She tried telling me her concerns but i wasn't listening. on Thursday we talked and she told me her concerns and we were almost out of the woods but we ended up talking about alot of other stuff. she got upset, left and told me she needs time to think. i did everything wrong when she told me she wanted to leave like telling her i love her and begging her to stay. i let her go after that and walked her to her car. i told her that i think this will make our relationship stronger. during our argument she told me that i had to let her go that night because she does not want to break up with me right now. she also said the time apart would be good because it will give us time to miss each other. since this happened i called her once on Sunday night and left her a message. i kept it real light and brief just asking her about her weekend and telling her what i did. i also made a point of sounding confident. i have not heard back from her and do not expect to for a while. i'm trying the no conatact thing but it sucks. i can't concentrate on anything. i love her very much and i know she feels the same. i'm almost glad we haven't talked because i think it's better right now. i strongly beleive she is not contacting me because that is her way of doing what she can to save our relationship. it sucks for me though. i want to contact her but i know it will only make things worse. i'm confident i'll hear from her @ some point but the waiting sucks. i was thinking about calling her on Friday if i don't hear from her at all this week. if i do i'm not sure if i should let her know i thought about things and think she was right, or just keep it real light again like saying hi and seeing how she is. What do you guys think abouth the Friday call and our chances of mending this relationship?
t866 Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 If you love somethig let it go, if they come back you were meant to be. It sucks, I know I'm going through the same thing. Me and my boyfriend broke-up cause he wants to party all the time. He gave me a ring and wanted to get married. Then ou of the blue decided never to talk to me again and we were together 3 and 1/2 years. He is my first love. I know you want to call her all the time. But women do not overnight stop feeling the love they had for a man.Give her some time. If she wants you, nothing can keep her away. If she doesn't nothing can make her stay!!!!
t866 Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Another thing do not call her. She will want to know what you've been up to and call you. Like I said she is not going to fall out of love with you overnight. Give it time!!! 2 years is a long time. Try to do things to take your mind off of it. Just beacuse someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean they don't love you. Hang in there, it's tough I know. Stay strong, there is always somebody for somone.
Bobbyroland Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 i know you are right. i just want the chance to let her know i realized what i've been doing to make her feel this way. i made her feel trapped and then i felt insecure. the 2 ways we were pulling was making both of us feel worse. i am not going to call her as much as i want to. i know this problem is typical, but do you think this situation is different because we didn't actually "Break Up", she's thinking things through right now. i know that she loves me as much as i love her and she wants it to work. i'm just worried that she may think it can't. when i do talk to her i know i can make both of us feel beeter. the other thing i was thinking was it might be better that i haven't heard from her, because if she called me right away it probably would have been bad news. what do you think?
t866 Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 MAKE HER MISS YOU!!! Then maybe she will realize what she had and that she took it for granted. Let me tell you it is vey hard to find a good guy. Just knowing that she loves you should put your mind at ease. Give it time, it will all work out. How did you make her feel trapped? Why would it have been bad if she called YOU right away? Like I said women do not change the way they feel over night. The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU!!! Did the "let's take a break" end on bad terms?
Bobbyroland Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 I am feeling better today. Yesterday sucked but i was talking to one of my friends and then all of a sudden it's like a light turned on in my head. i started to realize that this is an opportunity for me to be strong for both of us. i was really feeling crappy yesterday and i was thinking i know if i'm feeling this bad she is at least feeling close to as bad. then i realized this is her way of trying to save our relationship and make it work. As much as i thought i needed her to stay so we can work it out, is as much as she thought she needed to go to work it out. i see now that her way is the only way and this is a chance for me to show her i am the strong confident guy she fell in love with when we started dating. When Jessica and i first started going out everything was cool for like the first year/year and a half. The reason was because i was being my normal self (confident, funny, etc..). then like about six weeks ago i started pressuring her by like telling her how much i loved her and need her way too much. She's gone on a couple of trips the last 2 months and i was asking her to make sure she called me and stuff like that. and if she was late or something when she said she was going to be over i would like make her feel bad about. not by yelling just by like guilting her. I don't know why i started acting like this but i see how it made her feel overwhelmed and trapped. she felt like she owed me an explanation or a phone call and i didn't want her to feel that way. then, when she tried telling me how she felt like a couple weeks before this happened, i wasn't listening so that made things worse. The "Let's Take a break" kind of went like this: She came over and i had a feeling she wanted to talk to me about some things and i even knew what they were. she brought up the whole feeling trapped thing and i told her i had been thinking about it for a couple of days and she was right and i wouldn't do it anymore. then she brought up a couple of other things about like not doing what she wants and stuff like that. Anyway, like an hour into it everything was cool, we were laughing and stuff. Then we should have stopped but she started saying we were like becoming way too dependeant on each other and we should spend less time together. (For the last year we've been basically living together, she stayed over like every night). instead of agreeing w/ her, because she was right, i was like trying to talk her out of it. Then things just escalated because we were talking about a bunch of ohter things all at once. Then we both got upset and she was like i don't know if i can do this, you've made me cry alot recently, and she said she wanted to leave that night and stay at her moms. when i asked her not too she said she didn't want to break up with me right then so that's why she felt like she had to leave. then i started to do everything wrong like beg her to stay and tell her i love her etc... we talked alittle more and things cooled down a little. she took some of her stuff with her (a few clothes and her toothbrush/ lotions) and i walked her to her car. then luckily i started to handle things better and i told her i think she's right about this and i was confident we could get through this and when we do our relationship will be alot stronger. then she left. I'm not sure if this type of "Take a break" scenario is considered bad terms or good terms, i guess it could have been worse. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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