tomt1990 Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Hi all... My first post on here so be nice Here is my problem... I have been online dating on "Match" for a few months now. I have spoken to some nice girls, but know one I really liked.... until now. I started emailing this girl about a month ago, and we hit it off from the get go... we emailed regularly more or less every day, and she really did send some of the most adorable emails. She seemed very interested in me. We arranged to meet up and go out for the day. We met last friday (31st Aug). We met up at about 1:00pm and went for a few drinks before heading into london to a comedy club. We were both quite nervous to begin with (as we had said to eachother we would be!) but it soon got very comfortable, and conversation was just as easy and enjoyable as it was over email. We got back to her house (where I had left my car) at about midnight. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek (I wanted to kiss her properly, but thought I'd leave that for another time... incase she didn't want to) and we said goodnight and I left. Now, one thing happened on the date that has confused/concerned me alot. When leaving the comedy club, I receive a text from her (the girl I am on the date with!). The text showed a face pic of her and a message saying "xx night xx so you know, I'll be sleeping in until at least midday tomorrow... shame you can't join me xx" I immediately show it to her and asked what it was about. She got embarassed and explained that the pic was one she was going to send me that morning, to confirm that she was the same girl as on her profile, but had decided not to, and hadn't realised it had sent. And that the message was an old message sent by accident. She said sorry about 3 times and asked if I'd delete the message. She seemed genuine about it, so I decided to forget about it. So, it is now tuesday (4 days since the date) and she has barely contacted me at all. I have sent her a few texts, she replied to a couple of them, but not really inducing any conversation, like she would before we met. I asked if she'd like to come to a football match with me on wednesday evening (she had previously said she like to go to one with me), but she said she is very busy this week and was thinking about maybe meeting towards that end of next week. whats confusing me is that, although she seems to have lost interest, I have given her the opportunity of saying she is not interested, but she said she wants to get to know me more and would like to meet again. I really, really like her, but I am concerned that it may fizzle out before we possibly meet again, in nearly 2 weeks time. The mystery text doesn't help my thoughts either! What should I do? tell her my concerns? leave it for a few days and see what happens? or am I just being silly?! Thank you for listening
phineas Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 If you are going to OLD, you need to learn to not get so invested. 1 month of emailing is too long. It got you invested & if she bails like it seems she is you are now hurt by it. This is why I don't pay attention to a woman who wants to email more than a few weeks without giving me a meet. Their really just not that interested & pretty much only give you a date because they were bored. sorry. I'd just go dark on her & keep looking for other women. She knows what you want calling her out on it will destroy what little interest she may have left. Maybe she will come back & maybe she won't. But in the meanwhile there are 100's of other women out there. 1
truth_seeker Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 ^^^^^ He's right. How do I know? This happened to me, too. This is why I stopped OLD. The percentage of women on there who are playing games outweigh the women who are there looking for something serious. Frankly, I think most of the women on OLD are unstable and have serious internal issues. I'm working on expanding my social circle and getting involved in more activities. I suggest you do the same than relying on OLD to meet a woman. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 As a veteran OLDater - you need to learn few things: 1. Meet ASAP. Don't go for more than 3-4 e-mails without firm plans to meet. 2. Do not invest AT ALL before meeting. Everyone is just a profile. Don't hope, wish, fantasize. 3. Treat first "date" as a meeting. It's really not a date. It's a meet up to see if there is enough chemistry to date. Usually there isn't so keep your expectations to a minimum. 4. Have multiple options on the go, remember they are just profiles and another one is just a click away. 5. Try to meet girls in real life. Usually less quantity but more quality. 2
Author tomt1990 Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 Guys, Thanks for the replies, what you say does make complete sense. I will however clarify a couple of things... - It wasn't intentional to email for a month before meeting.... It was after a week that we started planning to meet up, the problem was that I wasn't available at weekends so we had to wait until we could both get the same day off work. - I don't think its a case that she is "bailing" on me. As I said, I have given her the opportunity, twice (after the date once over text), to tell me she is not interested... but both times she said she would like to see me again. She has even suggested that she has thought about meeting up at the end of next week. My main worry, again as I have said, is trying to make sure things don't fizzle out over the next 10 days, but without sounding too needy. how do I do that?
phineas Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 ^^^^^ He's right. How do I know? This happened to me, too. This is why I stopped OLD. The percentage of women on there who are playing games outweigh the women who are there looking for something serious. Frankly, I think most of the women on OLD are unstable and have serious internal issues. I'm working on expanding my social circle and getting involved in more activities. I suggest you do the same than relying on OLD to meet a woman. This is what i'm thinking now. I'm not a model or anything but the women my age (around 40) on OLD just seem way to stuck on themselves & i've done way better in real life when I went out. My social circle is almost non-existent due to kids every weekend & half the week so I turned to OLD. I got nothing to lose really.
TheFinalWord Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) Now, one thing happened on the date that has confused/concerned me alot. When leaving the comedy club, I receive a text from her (the girl I am on the date with!). The text showed a face pic of her and a message saying "xx night xx so you know, I'll be sleeping in until at least midday tomorrow... shame you can't join me xx" I immediately show it to her and asked what it was about. She got embarassed and explained that the pic was one she was going to send me that morning, to confirm that she was the same girl as on her profile, but had decided not to, and hadn't realised it had sent. And that the message was an old message sent by accident. She said sorry about 3 times and asked if I'd delete the message. She seemed genuine about it, so I decided to forget about it. Lie alert! Lie alert! Sorry to have to tell you, but I don't buy that tall tale for one second. She is with someone else. A lot of the people using OLD are multidating. 9 times out of 10, if you have to ask "Are they interested?". They're not. If a woman is into you, you will know it. What should you do? She's a liar IMHO so be glad you found out on the first date. The guilty flee when no one pursues. She seemed genuine, but if you get a gut feeling don't ignore it. "Seeming genuine" just means she is a skilled liar. Or you're so smitten you want to believe she would never pull a fast one on you and will hunt for ways to justify her behavior. , but she said she is very busy this week and was thinking about maybe meeting towards that end of next week. whats confusing me is that, although she seems to have lost interest, I have given her the opportunity of saying she is not interested, but she said she wants to get to know me more and would like to meet again. Oh, young padawan. If Tom Cruise or Johnny Depp asked her out, do you think she would be too busy? Yeah, you're a back-up date. Sorry to be harsh, but these are the realities of 95% of OLD. Using and abusing people. It's sad, but if you want to use this method then get prepared for lots of players from both genders. BTW, most women will never say "Yeah I'm no longer interested and no longer want to see you". They will just ignore you and hope you fade away. If a girl likes you finding ways to keep and touch and meet will not be an issue. With all humans, actions speak louder than words. PS: I'm sorry to have to do that on your first post. Welcome to LS, feel free to vent about your OLD experiences. We all do it Edited September 4, 2012 by TheFinalWord Gave some extra info since this is my 1000th post! yeah!!! 2
Author tomt1990 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Lie alert! Lie alert! Sorry to have to tell you, but I don't buy that tall tale for one second. She is with someone else. A lot of the people using OLD are multidating. 9 times out of 10, if you have to ask "Are they interested?". They're not. If a woman is into you, you will know it. What should you do? She's a liar IMHO so be glad you found out on the first date. The guilty flee when no one pursues. She seemed genuine, but if you get a gut feeling don't ignore it. "Seeming genuine" just means she is a skilled liar. Or you're so smitten you want to believe she would never pull a fast one on you and will hunt for ways to justify her behavior. Oh, young padawan. If Tom Cruise or Johnny Depp asked her out, do you think she would be too busy? Yeah, you're a back-up date. Sorry to be harsh, but these are the realities of 95% of OLD. Using and abusing people. It's sad, but if you want to use this method then get prepared for lots of players from both genders. BTW, most women will never say "Yeah I'm no longer interested and no longer want to see you". They will just ignore you and hope you fade away. If a girl likes you finding ways to keep and touch and meet will not be an issue. With all humans, actions speak louder than words. PS: I'm sorry to have to do that on your first post. Welcome to LS, feel free to vent about your OLD experiences. We all do it It's a hard pill to swallow but unfortunately I think you are right... It is difficult because, as I said, I really like her, and looking back on the emails we echanged, it breaks my heart in a way that she may not be the person she appeared to be. Never mind
USCGAviator Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 ^^^^^ He's right. How do I know? This happened to me, too. This is why I stopped OLD. The percentage of women on there who are playing games outweigh the women who are there looking for something serious. Frankly, I think most of the women on OLD are unstable and have serious internal issues. I'm working on expanding my social circle and getting involved in more activities. I suggest you do the same than relying on OLD to meet a woman. I completely disagree with this. My experience when I was OLD was quite the opposite. I met alot of very nice women that were healthy and ready to have a relationship. Unfortunately, I was the one with issues
veggirl Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 yeah that text was definitely meant for another guy. I wouldn't contact her again.
TheFinalWord Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 It's a hard pill to swallow but unfortunately I think you are right... It is difficult because, as I said, I really like her, and looking back on the emails we echanged, it breaks my heart in a way that she may not be the person she appeared to be. Never mind Sorry buddy. There are a lot of good women out there. Most men and women on this site have had someone do this to them. You seem like a good guy and she doesn't deserve someone like you. It hurts I know, but the good thing is you found out how she was early on. Big piece of advice: don't let this jade you. Just recognize that you can't take other people at face value. We've all made that mistake. Don't give your heart to someone too early. Wait to see if their actions line up with their words. The key here is balance. You don't want to become hard-hearted and so guarded no one can get in, but you don't want to expose your heart to someone until you get an honest taste of their character and integrity. How to get over it? You have to let her go. Delete those e-mails, delete her number. Every time you read those e-mails you re-open the wound. Also, you will keep festering "what did I do wrong" and it will degrade your self-esteem. So please delete them and delete her from any social media, okay? No contact is a highly recommended method on this site and gives a process for healing from heart break. Here is the LS guide for no-contact (if someone has an updated one, can you please link?) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/81399-no-contact-q-you-ls-newbies All the best friend Cheer up. Someone great will come along and you'll see why this woman was never right for you. 1
truth_seeker Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 This is what i'm thinking now. I'm not a model or anything but the women my age (around 40) on OLD just seem way to stuck on themselves & i've done way better in real life when I went out. My social circle is almost non-existent due to kids every weekend & half the week so I turned to OLD. I got nothing to lose really. I can't do OLD ever again. I'm sure it does work for some, but the results I've gotten make me sick to my stomach. I just can't handle multi-dating. To think I'm just an option on some woman's list doesn't sit well with me. There's just too much multi-dating, games, agendas going on, I would rather keep busy with activities and meet someone through someone else. I'm surprised women around 40 would be like this. I can understand 20's-early 30's, but women at that age, who are losing their looks, would be more content with meeting a guy they would get along with more so than dating a "hot guy".
oaks Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 yeah that text was definitely meant for another guy. I wouldn't contact her again. Yes that was my first thought, too, and I haven't come up with any other ideas.
Author tomt1990 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Guys, Thank you all for the advice... really helpful! especially you thefinalword... great post what I have decided to do is to tell her sorry but I don't want to meet her anymore... and cut off all contact. I figure... what is bothering me the most is that she isn't talking to me, yet still said she wants to see me again. so I will take that out of the equation and say thank you but no thank you. I think I will give OLD another go though, and see what happens. I am young (22) so have plenty of time to find what I am looking for
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