Author Sunberry Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) Your judgment has let you down time and time again. You keep making choices that are detrimental to you. All the people around you, whether friends or strangers on a forum cannot be wrong when they tell you to stay away from him. If there is anyone you cannot trust right now, it is you. DO NOT CONTACT HIM. What do you need to let him know? He KNOWS he used you for sex. He KNOWS he disrespected you. He KNOWS he hurt you. You don't need to let him know because when he knew what he was doing, he didn't care that he was doing it. So, telling him, doesn't change how callous he felt then or how callous he feels now. So, what is your objective? He won't even care if you move on or stay. When someone doesn't love you, your feelings are of no importance to them. Stop bargaining with yourself. You keep wanting to go back for no reason other than to just see if maybe this one more time it'll be different. You want to see that if he sees he's losing you, he may change his mind. You want to force some sort of realization onto him. Nothing more to say. Nothing more to tell. It may matter to you but it won't matter to him. His treatment of you is an indication that whatever you feel and say means absolutely nothing to him. Try no to project what you feel onto him. He does not care. Please Sunberry. You won't listen to those that care but you insist on going back to the one that consistently hurts and uses you. When I meant I saw these things at the last minute it was too late. I should've waited and saw these messages. There's nothing I can do now but start over. I actually want to start over and start anew..I want to leave all of this behind me..I want to grow as a person and not rely on people. Granted I'm being a bit immature, and yes I'm as stubborn as a bull, and yes I'm as passive as can be.. I'm going to listen to people....I cut off my phone, just in case and will tell people if they need me to contact me, then let it be through email. I'm cleaning right now, and soon I'm going to go work out and study then pick up a journal to write in. I want to change and it's not healthy to put all of my feelings onto someone who gives two ****s about me. I do need to grown up. It's time for me to give it a rest..I didn't mean to be so frustrating. My counselor told me to right a list of reasons why I want to move on and start from there. I go to him again Wednesday morning and will fill you in on my progress in there.. I wish I stayed NC from the very beginning..but I didn't listen and now all I can do now is make up for it..I can't go back in time. He's never coming back. Time to let it sink in now. Edited September 8, 2012 by Sunberry
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