More than two years later.

[dng]

Hey folks,

 

I wont beat around the bush. My GF left more than 2 years ago, in a sneaky way. She asked for a break, we established the framework for that but as soon as she left she broke all the rules and never came back.

 

The whole story is here because I was so depressed, so low, I googled and googled until I found this site and I wrote everything here and people helped me cope with it.

 

I have to say that for at least six months I was totally hoping it would work itself out and I patiently waited. I went ballistic when I learned there was another guy in the story now and I never really gave her the time of day again after that, even tho she would call and write periodically.

 

She tried getting back together at the 6 months, 1 year, 1.5 year mark but I was still too mad about how things had worked out and I just told her, in so many words, to get stuffed. I went pretty far verbally when my anger finally reached the surfaced.

 

I saw her again at the 3 months mark, that was another time she was coming back, but she was now super incomfortable being around me, physically, her body langage was all off and she wouldnt let me near. That was a really hard moment for me.

 

Eventually I completely lost my mind and quit my job, left the country and wandered around for months and totally ignored all her attempts.

 

Every time we talked again there was another new guy and I would just go crazy over it, that's how I felt and that's how it went.

 

I finally saw her again this summer, she came over and spent some time with me. I unloaded all the things I felt she did to me over the breakup and talked for about 12 hours non stop and she just took it all and said she was sorry. Not much in the way of explanining, but then again I'm very good at not hearing what doesnt fit in my diaporama. We had sex then for the first time since she left and it was kinda awkward. I was wondering alot about the other guys but she is a wall and will not speak one word of it.

 

I even tried to push her into talking about it by saying some of my stuff but she is no fool and she didnt bite. After that I just went off again and got so angry I asked her to leave and she did. She tried seeing me a few more times after that but I just ignored her.

 

Now I have to say that we had a very good relationship, very connected, enormous amounts of love but some role confusion. I dont have a mom, shje doesnt have a dad, so, you know?

 

Similar minds, we understand each other at a glance. The sex was never too amazing however, she always seemed uncomfortable with it but I was never able to get her to talk about it too much, she tended to just blame it on me, wrong timing, wrong position, but I never bought that, really.

 

On top of everything else, after the breakup I really lost alot of respect for her and I've also build an enormous amount of anger.

 

Today is my name day and she contacted me again, about meeting on wednesday. She said that if I am serious about it, and willing to put in the effort, we would like to start over.

 

What do you all think? If you feel like saying "You dont deserve her" or anything like that, lemme tell you, you cant handle that girl, so dont bother.

 

Good insight only, please.

[soccerrprp]

Eventually I completely lost my mind and quit my job, left the country and wandered around for months and totally ignored all her attempts.

 

Every time we talked again there was another new guy and I would just go crazy over it, that's how I felt and that's how it went.

 

Now I have to say that we had a very good relationship, very connected, enormous amounts of love but some role confusion. I dont have a mom, shje doesnt have a dad, so, you know?

 

The sex was never too amazing however, she always seemed uncomfortable with it but I was never able to get her to talk about it too much, she tended to just blame it on me, wrong timing, wrong position, but I never bought that, really.

 

On top of everything else, after the breakup I really lost alot of respect for her and I've also build an enormous amount of anger.

 

Today is my name day and she contacted me again, about meeting on wednesday. She said that if I am serious about it, and willing to put in the effort, we would like to start over.

 

 

So, is she coming back to you because the other guys didn't work out? Is the sex going to improve and will you be satisfied with that, if not? What of your "enormous" of anger and the quitting of the job after the break up? She really messed with your head for certain and you are still pissed. It sounds like for good reasons. Why would you want to go back to that?

 

Realistically, there is no starting over. No do-overs. Everything that lead to the ugly break-up is still there to be dealt with. Can't erase your anger, the way she left, etc.

 

Really need to think about whether you want to go back to someone who did this to you. Your emotions right now clearly show that you are not in a good place to get back with her.

 

Good luck.

[dng]

So, is she coming back to you because the other guys didn't work out?

 

I don't know. She said a while ago she was sure it would be super easy to find someone else but quickly realised she couldn't connect with anyone on the same level and at that point I was already too angry at her.

 

I tried with so many girls too and I'm at the same point, I dont care about any of them and I can't get her out of my mind. I MUST be crazy.

 

 

Is the sex going to improve and will you be satisfied with that, if not?

 

The sex will not improve, I dont think. Altought she has gained experience now I suppose, I think she has an underlying mental condition that she hasnt so far addressed. I dont really care about that anymore, to be honest.

 

What of your "enormous" of anger and the quitting of the job after the break up? She really messed with your head for certain and you are still pissed. It sounds like for good reasons. Why would you want to go back to that?

 

She SO messed me up, messed with my head and to this day I'm not sure she understands the extent of the damage. For at least six months she was coming back every week, only to cancel, delay, change her plans. There was a guy in the BG the whole time that I didnt know about until I talked to her mom and her mom told me. It was so hard, I wonder how I survived it.

 

That's where the anger started. And I also went out and did everything that I thought she was doing, but she doesnt seem to really care at all about that, which in my mind translates as doesnt care about me, but I'm second guessing myself alot on that one.

 

 

Really need to think about whether you want to go back to someone who did this to you. Your emotions right now clearly show that you are not in a good place to get back with her.Good luck.

 

Even on this I'm torn between wanting to be a man and wanting to handle things, and being a little children scared of losing his mom.

 

My confusion level on the whole thing is very, very high.

[winstonsdreams]

dude just give it a shot, if you still love her why not? don't do anything you might regret. tell her it's her last chance, who knows i am sure you have had sex with other women big deal just give it a chance i say.

[leoc1973]

I agree. If your still feeling this way after 2 years then you have to take another chance. She will prolly stomp on your heart again but its almost like its already in the process of being stomped on as it is. You need to see a counselor about your jealousy tho. A 12 hour speech while she sits there and takes it is not normal. Most women would have cut you off after 20 minutes.

[EgoJoe]

The sex isn't great, she won't talk about it but blames you and circumstance without attempting to fix it or being willing to listen to ideas for solutions.

 

Doesn't like a partner to me.

 

My advice would be for you to say, "Thanks but no thanks."