soccerrprp Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) Yikes, here is my first serious relationship thread…I hope my ex in question is not on this forum- LOL! I will try not to add too much unnecessary details, so you are subjected to a bunch of dribble. I met this wonderful, independent, intelligent, extremely private woman a few months back. Our relationship became a little strained due the lack of opportunities to date towards the end. We both have very young children. After a few months of dating, we decided that it was best to take a break. The break was her idea, but not shockingly surprising. We were getting closer and in a period of a week or two, things seemed to change. When we broke it off, she told me that she didn’t want to date me “right now” and that she wasn’t ready for a LTR. She had been hurt badly in the past. I went NC for 2-months and out of the blue, she emails me and asks how I am doing and if I was back from vacation. I respond, of course. We agree to go hiking together when the temps lowered. Important here…we agreed at the break-up to remain friends. I told her that if she could handle that and that she was being sincere, we could try. IMPORTANT: While on vacation, the best I’ve ever had in my life, I realized that I had nothing to feel bad about in terms of how and why the relationship did not work out. Even in the end, she told me that I was good to her and made her happy. She was very gracious and I, sensitive to her wishes. In fact, I did not try to change her mind. I dated two other lovely ladies after the breakup. I felt and feel fantastic! Who wouldn’t after spending over a month in the mountains running 2x per day and over 200 miles. I was reborn in a way….lots of time to reflect, transform. I thought I had moved on… A few weeks of additional NC and I contacted her to see if she was still interested in going hiking. The weather was cooler. She was, but she unloaded news on me that took the wind out of me for a bit. In her response to her to my hiking outing, she informs me that she had adopted another child. A toddler. Surprising not because she had adopted another child, she has a heart of gold, but that it occurred so soon and so quickly. I knew that she was interested in adopting again. In her email she said things like “I really hope that you can meet her” and “I would really like to see you.” I had a difficult time responding to the email, but agreed to see her and the new member of the family that very next week. Needless to say, she was eager to see me again. Anyway, I stopped by her home and saw her and the little, beautiful girl. I spent the next hour playing with her and mixing in conversation with my ex. Step back an hour… When I entered the house, child in her am, I automatically approached her and kissed her on the lips, pressed our cheeks together for a couple of seconds and I then kissed her on the forehead. Throughout this exchange, she had her hand on my waist/back slightly caressing. It was strange. No words, so automatic and yet I can feel little or no emotion as I did this. She tried to engage me in small talk concerning this and that and I was just not in the mood. I was polite and I managed only to give brief answers to her questions. I could see from the corner of my eyes, on occasion, that she was watching me and the child engaged in play. She later thanked me for playing with her. I asked,”Why wouldn’t I?” “Most people just look at her,” was her response. The child had health issues and is delayed. The child took an immediate liking to me. My ex was very pleased to see that the little girl was comfortable with me and expressed thus with some enthusiasm. It was a very nice time spent. We kissed each other upon departure and can see the little girl tearing up. Later that day, I get an email indicating that her older son was upset that he had missed me and that the little girl had ”fallen in love with me!” And that she was “very happy to see me!” We plan to see each other again very soon. She needs time to bond with her new child. We also plan to get our children together. Ladies, what does all this mean? What is she doing? To this day, after 4 days since our meeting, I am ambivalent and it puzzles me that I am feeling this way. I simply did not think it was a good time to hash out what our relationship was while visiting the newest member of her family. Any insight is helpful. I’m trying to think this through, perhaps over thinking things here…. Oh, some other important information about ourselves: Both in 40's, she's never been married, I lost my wife last year to terminal disease. Edited September 4, 2012 by soccerrprp
Author soccerrprp Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 Perhaps an easier question. Does this seem like a vetting process to anyone? Is she or was she testing my reaction to her, the little girl? Anyone have any insight?
Author soccerrprp Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Oh, well, the questions I have will be answered later this week. Just thought someone would have some insight to what is/was happening.
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