unfortunatly Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Hello everyone, Well here's my unfortunate story. We've been together for ten years, we had our ups and down and all our downs ended up by him going out with someone else. I think the affairs started always before we break up,he says after and the thing is that he always says there was nothing going on and by u doubting you pushed me into their arms. I don't know what is true anymore. Anyhow and after ten years we got married in April, he wasn't happy i can tell and he has lots of problems and really big debts. After an argument before we got married he told me, you wanna get married fine, but i will be moving out soon. I thought he's just angry, if he didn't want to get married he won't. We had a civil marriage with my mother and sisters there and his sister, his parents didn't agree to a poor wedding without a party and still don't. When we got married everything got worst, he was never home (for the poor 2 and a half months we lived together), he mostly slept on the couch when he got home the next morning, he never answered his phone and when i said something he started yelling "I was working, it's none of ur business" After a month i started finding condoms and notes in his backpack after he came home and he always said it's for a friend. I didn't believe that. After two horrible months of marriage he traveled for a job (That is for sure) and when he came back home i went through his phone and found conversation with, a girl i was doubting he was having an affair with and asked him earlier and he denied then. The messages clearly showed that they were having a Physical and emotional affair. When i showed him the messages he didn't deny, he just said yes we are. I got furious and asked him what happened to her fiance and he said she left him. I don't know if she left him for my husband or before. I told him you either leave her or leave home he simply chose to leave home and started telling me what he will be paying for. He had it all planned. when i asked him why you didn't leave before, he answered that he was waiting for his financials to become better..... He left and now he's still with her... we had a talk and he suggested that we take three months and have therapy each one by his own and the we will have a couple therapy after which we decide what to do, but meanwhile each one will live as he wish. I'm struggling, it's been a month now that he left, he comes home often to see the dog, when i ask him if he wants to eat he says yes! he is living at a friend's house. He sometimes makes moves towards me, we had some flirts.... we even sometimes go out to events or so... but he's still with her, he talks to her for hours daily and he even makes comments on her facebook wall and it kills me to read them. I KNOW THAT HE DOES NOT WORTH IT, I KNOW THAT I KNEW HIM AND I CHOSE TO MARRY HIM I KNOW IT ALL. WHAT I NEED IS ADVICE TO WIN HIM BACK AND NOT AN ADVICE TO LEAVE HIM AND GET A DIVORCE, I'M NOT GIVING UP YET, I DIDN'T HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE HAPPY WITH HIM AS A MARRIED COUPLE YET AND I'M NOT GIVING UP. I LOVE HIM AND WANT TO BE WITH HIM. ADVICE, ANYONE???!!!!! ( extra info: we've been living together for 7 years before we got married so we were used to live together, nothing changed. And she is a very clever woman, don't underestimate her, she even won 2 of our friends! they go out as a group now and as i hear, she is a fun person to be around) AND PLS TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION THAT WE BARELY SEE EACH OTHER Thank you for reading....
january2011 Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 From what you've written, the marriage was a sham from the very beginning, despite all the years that you've been together and lived together. My advice would be to get your ducks in a row, just as he did: focus on your living situation, financial matters and seek legal advice, particularly with regard to his debts and any responsibility you have towards paying them. Please stop feeding him and flirting with him. If you must let him see your dog, meet in a park somewhere rather than at your house. I'm sorry that you also seem to be losing some friends as well. I think that it might be best to start a fresh and work towards rebuilding your life without him.
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