Delaney8 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Okay, here's the thing. I've been in a relationship with this amazing girl for about 1 year and a half. We met at a party and things sort of just happened from then on. We gradually fell in love with each other, I was her first, she was my first as well... We've had our ups and downs, but generally, we really care about and love each other. In the last few months I've been a little bit too clingy when it comes to her. She doesn't admit it, but I can truly raise my hand and say even I've felt I've been hanging out with her more often than normal. Going to her place when she gives out obvious signals it's best for me not to come over, constantly trying to be around her... and we gradually started having petty arguments from time to time. We've only had one really big "fight" and it was about 3 months ago. Time and compromise seems to have pretty much resolved that "saga". Anyway, due to all of those "problems" she seems to have come to the conclusion that our relationship doesn't have much of a future. Main reason? She doesn't know when these little fights we have from time to time really become a big deal in a relationship or whether they're just something normal. I keep telling her all couples argue occasionally and it's not a big deal. Thing is, she has the perfect parents, they never fight and they always seem in complete harmony with each other. She seems to view their behavioural patterns as what most couples are and should be like - absolutely no arguing and so on. My parents, on the other hand, I've witnessed plenty of times in the past having real problems between each other and I think I know what it's like for a couple to REALLY be going through difficulties. Anyway, my girlfriend says she loves me, but doesn't know if she wants to be with me in the long run. She's not certain about anything in her life at the moment (education and so on) anyway, so it's not just with me that she doesn't know what direction she's going in in her life. A week ago, she left for Germany (going to uni there, that's why I'm posting this in the LDR section) and we're sort of keeping it long distance (she's very pessimistic about our chances to manage)... Until a few days ago when things got a bit heated in a skype convo, almost on the brink of breaking up for a moment, although things ended on a good note, with me saying it's best for her to take some time to herself to figure things out. She doesn't seem to think so though, we keep on chattin' fairly regularly. She is constantly on my mind, I miss her dearly, I'd give everything I have just to see her and it appears I'm the one who's more affected by our not seeing each other. She's got a lot of stuff on her mind right now, it's her first year in university and all, which I understand. It appears that I'm the one who stresses more about our relationship and acts needy which I know is bad. So what should I do to show her that we DO have a future together and that what we're going through is normal for every couple? We're no longer in that "falling in love" phase, now it's more about working on our relationship. Looking forward to any advice, I really think I've met my perfect girl and I want things to work out. Also, she seems to have started taking me for granted in the last few months. I'm usually the one who initiates most calls/chats and I used to be the one who initiated almost each and every one of our dates, which sounds bad at first, but do keep in mind she tends to be quite a passive person, rarely is she the one to offer any ideas as to going out with anyone, be it a girl friend of hers or me. So what should I do? Back off a little, play it cool? How do I get her to miss me? Secondly, how do I get her to have higher hopes about our relationship?
rogerabbit Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Thing is, she has the perfect parents, they never fight and they always seem in complete harmony with each other. She seems to view their behavioural patterns as what most couples are and should be like - absolutely no arguing and so on. :lmao::lmao: That would scare the hell out of me! No fighting whatsoever means either her parents are very good at keeping arguments away from their kids (which does their kids' view on life a disservice - the entire world revolves around resolving differences through constructive conflict), or it means their marriage will fall apart in a nuclear explosion. It is very, very rare for a relationship to not have contention, and those relationships that in fact do not have any contention lack passion across the spectrum. My parents, on the other hand, I've witnessed plenty of times in the past having real problems between each other and I think I know what it's like for a couple to REALLY be going through difficulties. Congratulations, you come from a normal family. Anyway, my girlfriend says she loves me, but doesn't know if she wants to be with me in the long run. She's not certain about anything in her life at the moment (education and so on) anyway, so it's not just with me that she doesn't know what direction she's going in in her life. A week ago, she left for Germany (going to uni there, that's why I'm posting this in the LDR section) and we're sort of keeping it long distance (she's very pessimistic about our chances to manage)... Until a few days ago when things got a bit heated in a skype convo, almost on the brink of breaking up for a moment, although things ended on a good note, with me saying it's best for her to take some time to herself to figure things out. She doesn't seem to think so though, we keep on chattin' fairly regularly. You are justifying your situation to no end, and I know you already know the answer to your question. You're looking for some convincing here on these forums that your thinking is correct. Well, your thinking is correct. Break it off. All the signs are there. You can take command of the situation or you can wait for it to happen to you. The hardest thing I ever did was break up with a girl I loved for two years to no end. She was in school and a hard worker. The combination of nursing school, the relationship, the distance and her family was too much for her. And I knew if it was meant to be, I needed to give her that space. So I ended it. She didn't date anyone until the end of nursing school and she made it through with top honors. Now she's married, but I also moved on and we stayed friends. I am very happy for her that she found a great guy. I am also in a wonderful relationship. The short term pain is short term, and emotions are always transitional, which means you will feel terrible for a short time but it will heal and you will find another great girl to date (I mean, you got this one, right?) I hope my advice helps, but your situation is your situation and I'm just a stranger on the internet. You have to decide ultimately what is the right thing to do for you. Good luck.
Author Delaney8 Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) rogerabbit, I can see where you're coming from with this. I know I may sound cheesy, but there's just something in her that attracts me, she's very different to normal people in general, I can't really describe it properly if you don't know her in person yourself. Anyway, thanks for the advice, but for now, I'm not breaking it off, we both agreed to just go with the flow before she left for Germany, we also agreed not to make any promises and plans for the future and just see how it goes. I'm just gonna play it cool from now on, I'm not putting her on top of my priority list anymore, I'm not going to be the one who's always emotional and needy, and perhaps she may start not taking me for granted and may actually start feeling like she misses me. If not - we'll see. I realise it may be my own fault I went ahead of myself with this relationship, I seem to put too much strain and importance on it. But from now on I'll just man up, live my life and hope it works out with this girl. Hopefully, she realises she has someone in her life who truly cares about her and would do anything for her. Edited September 4, 2012 by Delaney8
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