Mrlonelyone Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 When the dating world has you down and feeling out how do you keep going? That's where I am. So many disappointments, so few really interesting people. It feels pointless. How have others dealt with a lack of interesting prospects other than through OLD?
ThaWholigan Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I know that when I have had doubts about dating, I put myself into my creative and aspirational endeavors more, as well as my own personal, spiritual AND physical growth. This is how I deal with it, I tune out of "dating" and simply tune into being. 6
iris219 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I don't have a great answer for you, but I think acceptance is key. Personally, I'm trying to learn to accept that a relationship is simply not in the cards for me. This is difficult and at times very saddening, but I can either accept it or be miserable about it. I choose to try and accept it. Also, I've given up. I've stopped deluding myself into believing I'll meet someone eventually. Less disappointment that way. I've decided to go out much less than I was before. I was spending money, not having fun, and not meeting anyone. I'll go to work, the gym, but that's about it. I might meet a friend out once or twice a month, but I'm no longer going to be as social as I was simply because it felt so pointless.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Wholigan. Yeah that works for me too. When I have lots of work to do I really don't think about relationships or any of that. Iris, Yeah I have taken that approach before. I don't know if I want to do that now though. One time I was determined not to distract myself with friendships or relationships as I marched through the student center. Then I met eyes with someone who would be one of the most significant relationships of my life. Since then I just can't take that approach without hoping, that as before, someone will present themselves.
RedRobin Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Pretty much what I do when anything gets me down... - Focus on my existing friends/family and finding new ones when possible. For instance, a very good friend of mine just suffered a stroke. I'm close to her husband and daughter and have been splitting shifts at the hospital with them where she is staying. I had breakfast this morning with another good friend. - Find or re-establish a hobby I love. Am looking for a sport bike and plan on going to the AMA races in Jersey next weekend and check out the 'scene'. When $$ come through, I may even take up racing motorcycles myself (!!)... on a casual basis though.. not professional. - Plow into career efforts/interests. I'm taking on an additional project at work. I'm really not focused on finding anyone right now. If I come across someone interesting, then will cross that bridge when/if it happens. While I have times I'm lonely... I'm certainly not 'alone'... and I'm very thankful for that. 2
Joaquin Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Take a break. You don't have to be out on the pull.
Lonely Ronin Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I turn to music and physical activity. these are two from my current playlist. Black Stone Cherry - All I'm Dreamin' Of - YouTube
Necris Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I am always failing and being rejected (100% rejection rate, hell yeah) so I just try to laugh at it by telling my friends about my experiences sort of like how some guys like to brag about how they "scored with that hot chick" I kind of do the opposite, and some of my stories can be pretty funny. But deep down I still do feel lonely, but oh well.
MrCastle Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 How have others dealt with a lack of interesting prospects other than through OLD? INTERESTING PROSPECTS THROUGH OLD?? I would kill for that.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) Red Robin. I'm making ' While I have times I'm lonely... I'm certainly not 'alone'' my sig line here. That's just what I am. Loneliness and being alone are different. I have felt very connected while being totally alone, and very lonely while surrounded by a crowd. LonelyRonin Those are good selections. What Has been on my mind lately is Johnny Cash. Red1824 what makes you so sure I am after a girl, let alone a specific girl? In the time I have been here I have written at length about two women and about my adventures with many men. My real problem is finding people who see someone like me as a person instead of an exotic but secret experience. MrCastle I hear that. OLD seems to be a waste of time. When I do connect with someone they live 2000+ miles away. Realistically how often does that result in a good RlShip? Necris Really. Save up those stories and write a memoir. Or maybe do a sitcom based on your experiences. You know where you tell your children how you met their mother. Ooops that's been done already. lol. Edited September 3, 2012 by Mrlonelyone
carhill Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 How have others dealt with a lack of interesting prospects other than through OLD? Having goals other than dating and mating. Loving and valuing those who have demonstrated loyalty and trust. Seeking new adventures. Relishing the sheer beauty of life. 3
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 That's all great advice Carhill. This is just one of those things that keeps me awake at 3AM. When there is no work to do, the adventure lay in the day, and life seems so cold. That is a depressing sentence to write. LOL.
carhill Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 The prior might sound like current advice but was actually a reflection upon my early 30's and the realities which eventually defeated my depression of the period. Getting married (and divorced) only reinforced it.
LeoNguyen Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Dating can get pretty repetitive pretty quickly. If you're not enjoying your dating life, it's been you've been doing the same things. Most people just go grab some coffee at Starbucks or some pasta over a dinner meal. And then they start repeating the same 20 interview questions on every date. It's no wonder they get sick of dating so quickly. Want to have more fun dating? Do something that you actually like doing. It sounds obvious but most people aren't doing this. Try taking a social dance class together (Don't know how to dance? Doesn't matter. The ability to have fun is much more important). Volunteer at a Church together. Tell each other to bring your favorite book and read to each other? Sounds crazy? Try it! Don't wait till you get to know each other for a few months to start having fun. 1
RedRobin Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Red Robin. I'm making ' While I have times I'm lonely... I'm certainly not 'alone'' my sig line here. That's just what I am. Loneliness and being alone are different. I have felt very connected while being totally alone, and very lonely while surrounded by a crowd. I'm honored At times like this I think of a quote... "No man is a failure who has friends" - It's a Wonderful Life (when I'm feeling REAALLY down... I watch It's a Wonderful Life) It's a Wonderful Life - Wikiquote
LeoNguyen Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I don't have a great answer for you, but I think acceptance is key. Personally, I'm trying to learn to accept that a relationship is simply not in the cards for me. This is difficult and at times very saddening, but I can either accept it or be miserable about it. I choose to try and accept it. Also, I've given up. I've stopped deluding myself into believing I'll meet someone eventually. Less disappointment that way. I've decided to go out much less than I was before. I was spending money, not having fun, and not meeting anyone. I'll go to work, the gym, but that's about it. I might meet a friend out once or twice a month, but I'm no longer going to be as social as I was simply because it felt so pointless. Iris (I've always loved that name), sometimes a little bit of delusion goes a long way in finding a good partner. Not only have you accepted your fate, you've also accepted defeat. I know you've tried before. And it's frustrating when you don't see results. So the question you have to ask yourself is, "Is what I'm currently doing really going to help bring me closer to finding love?" It doesn't seem like it. Your situation reminds me of a story I once heard. There was a prisoner of war who was imprisoned underground in World War II. He wanted to escape so he kept digging through the dirt walls to try to get through to the other side. After a year of doing it, he finally gave up. He was imprisoned for the next several years until he was finally freed (the war ended). But he got curious, so one day, he came back to the exact same spot where he was imprisoned before. And he started digging again... Only to realize that if he had kept digging years before, he would have dug his way to freedom. He only had a few feet left dig...
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 Dating can get pretty repetitive pretty quickly. If you're not enjoying your dating life, it's been you've been doing the same things. Most people just go grab some coffee at Starbucks or some pasta over a dinner meal. And then they start repeating the same 20 interview questions on every date. It's no wonder they get sick of dating so quickly. Want to have more fun dating? Do something that you actually like doing. It sounds obvious but most people aren't doing this. Try taking a social dance class together (Don't know how to dance? Doesn't matter. The ability to have fun is much more important). Volunteer at a Church together. Tell each other to bring your favorite book and read to each other? Sounds crazy? Try it! Don't wait till you get to know each other for a few months to start having fun. That all makes so much sense, too bad people will never do it. It would make dating more about getting to know someone new rather than a ritual. Tell someone you want to read books to eachother on a "date" and they will think your crazy. It's like we have this rote mating dance we do and one misstep outside that box too early on is a red flagg. Like we are birds or lizards or something.
mortensorchid Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 I know where you are coming from. It's depressing as hell, nothing seems to work. The only connections you make with others are through OLD and that's kind of strange when you think about it. And then there's MeetUp, which seems (at least around here) to be for older people. But, we're here on Earth and we're either going to make a connection with others somehow or we're not. 1
El Brujo Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 When the dating world has you down and feeling out how do you keep going? That's where I am. So many disappointments, so few really interesting people. It feels pointless. How have others dealt with a lack of interesting prospects other than through OLD? I deal with it by turning my thinking around 180 degrees. If women aren't interested in a guy who's 6'6", never been in jail, never been unemployed, owns a home, well... I have my cake, and I've been eating it too... for 5 years. Who's going to stop me???
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 That is a good attitude shift. If someone can't see what we've got to offer it's their loss. I am going to try to just not think about it and let it bug me. There are more things in life than finding a special someone. What I dread however is the coming Halloween - new years (and arguably valentines day) period where mass media bombards one with reminders.
El Brujo Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 What I dread however is the coming Halloween - new years (and arguably valentines day) period where mass media bombards one with reminders. Even then, all is not lost. Being introverted can work in your favor on Halloween; take advantage of your status by doing the old Masked Marvel act. Create an air of mystery, and you'll be an impossible act to follow. Hey, it worked for the guy in V for Vendetta...
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