Author salmagundi Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 thanks Mike. So I made it to day 6 nc and then yesterday she phoned me in the morning. I was on a pretext that was more or less lame so it wasn't specifically to talk to me. But talk we did. Basically just catching up, how are you doing etc. She wanted to know if we could see each other soon/ she misses me. I told her I miss her too but that I already told her we couldn't be friends so no, we couldn't meet up. This obviously upset her, but I don't care. I want her back and she. knows it, I am not interested in friendhip. I told her if she was moving on than I had to as well. Somehow she still managed to finish the conversation with 'ok well we'll talk about this another time soon... wrf? no we won't, what is their to talk about and why is my 'friendship' so important too her. I know she understands why I don't want to be friends, she even said if it was her she would do the same thing. So why is she so f$&kung adamant that we are going to be friends? Anyway,back to day 1 of nc...
Tree_Salmon Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 tree i like this post what you say about control.. so when you say she will either come back or disappear do you think thats true for all cases? my ex left and is now abroad potentially for a year maybe more.. she has initiated contact and i replied to her question about how this gig was a i went to. then she asked about my work but i didnt reply.. should i? its been 22 days nc for me now and not replying to her generic question. i realise she is just being friendly and she is happy being single etc so really what do i do, reply in kind or just let it go now She's just throwing the hook out there to see if you'll bite. It's not trying to be friendly. I learned that there are very few reasons for an ex to write something like that: 1- guilt : she feels like a bitch and wants you to respond and make her feel like less of a bitch. this, in fact, makes her a bigger bitch. 2- attention : she wants to see how quick her puppy will come to her. 3- comfort : she's scared, confused, angry, etc and needs her emotional tampon. The only thing that isn't listed here is "love" or whatever you want to call it. This is because it has nothing to do with missing you. I've been in these situations enough to know there isn't much else. In most cases, anyway.
Author salmagundi Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Thanks for that reality check Tree. Honestly, I hope she is being so aggressive about pursuing friendship with me because she feels bad. I want to her to feel bad now. She should feel bad, I think she broke up with rather than work through our difficulties precisely because she only likes the infatuation/romance stage. Or maybe I'm just saying that so I feel better...it would be easier if I could find some reason to hate her for being a bitch... whatever...any chance that this friendship hangup of hers is because of unresolved feelings on her part? Or is that just me grasping at straws?
David84 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I just wanted to say our situations are very similar. My ex left me coldly and out of the blue. Later told me she had been flirting with other guys via texts and hadn't been a good girlfriend. I'm 28 her 25. 3yrs together. She messages me every few days with "miss you" "think about you all the time" "<3" "I hope we can catch up soon, will you please see me" I've posted a lengthy thread all about it. Give it a read. I just want to say I feel your pain and confusion. I've had limited contact. I've responded twice and saw her once a few weeks afterwards. She wants to start over with me but I know it's just more lies. She's looking for a crutch. Everytime I have responded its been objectively and I've never whined or begged her back. I've accepted things won't be the same for us. I'll never ever trust her. My friends and family would view me as a bloody fool. When I have responded there has been zero urgency on her end. It's all about her, on her terms. If these girls wanted us back they would call you, screw the texts. They would call or come to your home and say "I miss you and I made a mistake, I love you and I need you in my life, I'm sorry for leaving and giving up" Honestly, if we can pour our hearts out to get them to stay as they leave us what makes us think they aren't capable of the same if they truly want us back. We don't need breadcrumbs, yes it's nice to know they are thinking about us, but why and when are they, they send a 1 minute text as they are riding shot gun with there new guy, tuck the phone away and catch a movie. We're left for days fighting the urge and reading into "I miss you <3 :(" ***c That. I'm with you, let's man up. We deserve better man.
Tree_Salmon Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Thanks for that reality check Tree. Honestly, I hope she is being so aggressive about pursuing friendship with me because she feels bad. I want to her to feel bad now. She should feel bad, I think she broke up with rather than work through our difficulties precisely because she only likes the infatuation/romance stage. Or maybe I'm just saying that so I feel better...it would be easier if I could find some reason to hate her for being a bitch... whatever...any chance that this friendship hangup of hers is because of unresolved feelings on her part? Or is that just me grasping at straws? You're a backup. Soon as she has something shiny around you wont hear from her. Comfort is the name of the game.
Tree_Salmon Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I just wanted to say our situations are very similar. My ex left me coldly and out of the blue. Later told me she had been flirting with other guys via texts and hadn't been a good girlfriend. I'm 28 her 25. 3yrs together. She messages me every few days with "miss you" "think about you all the time" "<3" "I hope we can catch up soon, will you please see me" I've posted a lengthy thread all about it. Give it a read. I just want to say I feel your pain and confusion. I've had limited contact. I've responded twice and saw her once a few weeks afterwards. She wants to start over with me but I know it's just more lies. She's looking for a crutch. Everytime I have responded its been objectively and I've never whined or begged her back. I've accepted things won't be the same for us. I'll never ever trust her. My friends and family would view me as a bloody fool. When I have responded there has been zero urgency on her end. It's all about her, on her terms. If these girls wanted us back they would call you, screw the texts. They would call or come to your home and say "I miss you and I made a mistake, I love you and I need you in my life, I'm sorry for leaving and giving up" Honestly, if we can pour our hearts out to get them to stay as they leave us what makes us think they aren't capable of the same if they truly want us back. We don't need breadcrumbs, yes it's nice to know they are thinking about us, but why and when are they, they send a 1 minute text as they are riding shot gun with there new guy, tuck the phone away and catch a movie. We're left for days fighting the urge and reading into "I miss you <3 :(" ***c That. I'm with you, let's man up. We deserve better man. If they wanted you back theyd show up at your house/job. My ex did both, and it still didn't work out. Just dragged on for another year. Don't even waste your time. There's so many cool chicks out there.
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