ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 So basically I don't necessarily like this guy, I went to HS with him and he is super hot. We have been texting a little and we both want sex a lot. I just got kind of dumped by my now ex and honestly everyday I feel like I am over it but it still hurts me so much, I just want to feel numb and have sex with someone and it's devastating like I need something or someone. I went from having sex like all the time to never now. Basically he said that it's OK what we are doing because his fiancee cheated on him but I feel bad about doing it but on the other hand I have needs, I can at least do it until either he decides to work on his relationship or I find a guy who actually wants to date and it'll just be me and him. I feel like maybe since she cheated its kind of justified you know? But they have a son together and I would hate to break up a family, and I don't want bad karma, I am already having such a hard time getting into a relationship. I want to meet someone single but in the end I don't want to potentially have sex with a guy and then get attached, but with him I know I won't get attached because he is already attached. I need to figure out what I am going to do though soon because I feel like he is losing interest in me, he doesn't text much anymore or call and so I need to figure out if he is worth trying to do this with. I want to but I don't, if I don't he will just find someone else. But part of me feels terrible even considering this but I mean guys have played me out before so why should I care I mean I have control of this situation you know? But they have a kid together I don't want to ruin a family. But the thing is I doubt she will leave him if she even found out.
CarrieT Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 But part of me feels terrible even considering this but I mean guys have played me out before so why should I care I mean I have control of this situation you know? But they have a kid together I don't want to ruin a family. But the thing is I doubt she will leave him if she even found out. I think you should feel terrible. Maybe I am old school and belong to the "protect the sisterhood" concept, but how would you feel about the woman that does this to the father of your child and your fiance? You should care because you shouldn't treat another the way you would not want to be treated. It is called integrity and apparently you have none. 6
prettylittlethings Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Okay, so hold on a second. You're a woman, who wants sex all the time with a male, no strings attached. So what's the issue again?
prettylittlethings Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Ditch the guy and find another unattached, guilt-free. You have options. Pick someone pretty but not boyfriend material. Problem solved. 3
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 The idea of trying to date again just really scares me
whichwayisup Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 How do you know for sure she has cheated on him? Because he told you so? Keep in mind, this a so-called man who is engaged and is lying/cheating on his fiance. Is this all worth it? For a guy whom you say you don't even like? 2
whichwayisup Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 The idea of trying to date again just really scares me So how is having sex with a man who is engaged and has a child with his fiance any safer or better than dating a single man? You were hurt from your previous relationship. Take time to heal and then when you're ready, date someone single. 2
darkmoon Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 look, the guy will be a married man one day - eek!
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 I don't dislike him, I just have no feelings toward him at all. I mean he is attractive but that is pretty much all I feel for him. The whole sex toy thing.. I have a few sex toys but I really miss like the human interaction. I miss being touched and feeling wanted and needed you know? I mean a toy can get me off (I have never actually orgasmed from sex) but I love just being touched by someone else. Sorry if it's graphic. I am just super confused about everything right now. He might not even want me anymore..
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 I understand wanting to be touched and held. Keep in mind though, that a meaningless encounter with someone you feel anything for want might make you feel worse. Thats true and I'm so afraid of that
ThatJustHappened Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I don't dislike him, I just have no feelings toward him at all. I mean he is attractive but that is pretty much all I feel for him. The whole sex toy thing.. I have a few sex toys but I really miss like the human interaction. I miss being touched and feeling wanted and needed you know? I mean a toy can get me off (I have never actually orgasmed from sex) but I love just being touched by someone else. Sorry if it's graphic. I am just super confused about everything right now. He might not even want me anymore.. So go find a single guy to touch you. There are plenty of single men who want sex with no strings attached. It's not that difficult. You don't have to hurt his fiancee just because you got hurt..break the cycle.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 So … you don't really have any ethics or a moral code? It must be really weird to go through life with your only guidance being what you think will make you feel better right this minute. Sad. 4
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 I understand wanting to be touched and held. Keep in mind though, that a meaningless encounter with someone you feel anything for want might make you feel worse. So … you don't really have any ethics or a moral code? It must be really weird to go through life with your only guidance being what you think will make you feel better right this minute. Sad. If I had no ethics or morals I would have done it already and I wouldn't be asking for advice.. I want to feel good I don't want to think about my ex this distracts me from him at least
ThatJustHappened Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 If I had no ethics or morals I would have done it already and I wouldn't be asking for advice.. I want to feel good I don't want to think about my ex this distracts me from him at least First of all, this is not going to make you feel good in the long run. You are going to feel way worse when this is all over. Second, why do you have to feel good at someone else's expense? That's incredibly selfish of you. As I said, there are tons of single men out there who would kill for a no strings attached f*ck buddy. Why can't you find one of them? If you truly have no emotional attachment then why does it have to be this guy in particular? 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 If I had no ethics or morals I would have done it already and I wouldn't be asking for advice.. I want to feel good I don't want to think about my ex this distracts me from him at least Go on Craigslist casual encounters. You'll find people to f*** you right this minute. Win / win. 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Go on Craigslist casual encounters. You'll find people to f*** you right this minute. Win / win. That is disgusting... I can't do that.. gross people do things like that. And I am picky about the guys I date/sleep with and I doubt I would find the type of guy I want on CL, see here is my thing, I want to date and be in a relationship but I know I can't have that with him because he is engaged. It is really hard to explain why I would even consider this..
ThatJustHappened Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) That is disgusting... I can't do that.. gross people do things like that. And I am picky about the guys I date/sleep with and I doubt I would find the type of guy I want on CL, see here is my thing, I want to date and be in a relationship but I know I can't have that with him because he is engaged. It is really hard to explain why I would even consider this.. Because if things don't work out between the two of you, you don't have to blame yourself for it, you can blame the fact that he was already taken and you think it won't hurt as much if he doesn't choose you. You just got dumped and you're terrified of feeling like that again. You don't want to have to go through that kind of pain and rejection again so you're considering carrying on with this man because you think that if he rejects you it won't feel like a real rejection because there's the ready-made excuse of the fiancee. It will hurt just as much, if not more. Edit: Please don't make the mistake of thinking I am judging you for the way you're feeling. I've been dumped and I know exactly what you're going through. I did the same thing (though not with men who were taken..I did it with men who I knew were emotionally unavailable and not my type). Edited September 3, 2012 by ThatJustHappened 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 That is disgusting... I can't do that.. gross people do things like that. And I am picky about the guys I date/sleep with and I doubt I would find the type of guy I want on CL, see here is my thing, I want to date and be in a relationship but I know I can't have that with him because he is engaged. It is really hard to explain why I would even consider this.. Um, grosser people sleep with married / engaged folks just to get their rocks off. You are starting to set off some alarms; it's difficult for me to believe that you're for real. Cool story, though. 5
CarrieT Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Your opening statement: So basically I don't necessarily like this guy Contradicts this a few hours later: I don't dislike him, I just have no feelings toward him at all. If I had no ethics or morals I would have done it already and I wouldn't be asking for advice.. Well, we are here to call you on ethics or morals (or lack thereof) because you did do it, knowing he had a fiance and a child. People with morals don't fool around with what doesn't belong to them just because they "want to feel good [and] don't want to think about [their] ex." So this is just all about you feeling good. But look how you feel now - bad enough that it brought you to a site to figure out your actions. And we are here to call you on it because what you did is scummy and lacks moral fortitude. You are calling people gross who hook-up via Casual Encounters? What you did is gross because you've hurt more than yourself.
ThatJustHappened Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Your opening statement: Contradicts this a few hours later: Well, we are here to call you on ethics or morals (or lack thereof) because you did do it, knowing he had a fiance and a child. People with morals don't fool around with what doesn't belong to them just because they "want to feel good [and] don't want to think about [their] ex." So this is just all about you feeling good. But look how you feel now - bad enough that it brought you to a site to figure out your actions. And we are here to call you on it because what you did is scummy and lacks moral fortitude. You are calling people gross who hook-up via Casual Encounters? What you did is gross because you've hurt more than yourself. I don't think she's done anything with him yet..just texting so far. I think she's just considering it and came here to get advice. Is that right OP?
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Your opening statement: Contradicts this a few hours later: Well, we are here to call you on ethics or morals (or lack thereof) because you did do it, knowing he had a fiance and a child. People with morals don't fool around with what doesn't belong to them just because they "want to feel good [and] don't want to think about [their] ex." So this is just all about you feeling good. But look how you feel now - bad enough that it brought you to a site to figure out your actions. And we are here to call you on it because what you did is scummy and lacks moral fortitude. You are calling people gross who hook-up via Casual Encounters? What you did is gross because you've hurt more than yourself. As of right now I haven't done anything with him. I haven't slept with him yet I came here to get advice and I posted in the "other woman/man" section because I thought I would get advice from people in the same position NOT people who would judge me and tell me I need to go find disgusting people on CL. People cheat all the time, and like I said even if I choose not to act on this he will just find another woman who will.
Leelou Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 He may have decided to sleep with you to balance the score with his fiance, and also as a last hurrah before getting married. Now you feel him start to distance himself, I guess he has already begun to question his actions and motivations... why not make it easier for him, and end it with him now, so you feel you had some choice in the matter? It's not just him or no one... you were feeling weak in the moment and succumbed to a really bad idea, but now you've had your fun, no one found you out (not yet, it's possible she finds out about you in the future and raises havoc for you, some BS get single-minded about revenge, watch out) so extract yourself now before the Bitter End. Why are you waiting for HIM to make the decision? Take control. Walk away.
Leelou Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 As of right now I haven't done anything with him. I haven't slept with him yet I came here to get advice and I posted in the "other woman/man" section because I thought I would get advice from people in the same position NOT people who would judge me and tell me I need to go find disgusting people on CL. People cheat all the time, and like I said even if I choose not to act on this he will just find another woman who will. He might not find 'another woman who will' -- he might not find such an available and willing woman in the short few months he has until he marries, so he might ONLY be allowing himself to cheat NOW. If you turn him down, and the next three women turn him down, guess what? He might not do it. I'm an OW, but was a BS for years and years first.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 I don't think she's done anything with him yet..just texting so far. I think she's just considering it and came here to get advice. Is that right OP? Yes, we have only texted. He has asked me if he can come over but I won't let him until I figure out my own emotions about the situation.
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