wisheswerefishes Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 ive been with my partner for a year (give or take)im very forgiving, which was probably my downfall. it turns out that for the fist four months he was cheating on me, with 5 other women, but i only found this out after we got engaged.. we had broke up for a month in sept due to him asking me to text his brother off his phone and me finding texts from him to his collegue asking how she'd 'like it' and requesting nude photos (whilst he was sat opposite me saying how his friends only text him horny) hed also asked me if i found her cute and had said 'i had a nightmare you thought i was cheating' so on our 'break' he sleeps with his collegue, his ex(i found out about her after engegement), some girl hes been talking to and some other girls... then comes back to me.. me, being stupid takes him back only to find the photos of their 'special' places and them on his still on his phone (but hed emailed them to himself just in case) tafter all this we got back together, i accepted it all, then kept finding emails and photos to more people and turns out hed planned the cheating, arranged it and done it. i love him dearly, and we are engaged and happy when i dont think about it, but i still sneakily check his emails and today i found he had not deleted he 'special' photos, im finding it impossible to get over it all and it reduces me to tears and insomnia every night. any advice?
geegirl Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) You teach people how to treat you. You teach him everyday that his actions have no repercussions. You teach him everyday that you are acceptable of his infidelity. Please do not confuse having a forgiving nature with having low self-esteem and having little to no self-respect for yourself. You turning a blind eye is not about forgiveness but about weakness. Love is wonderful but it's not enough to sustain a relationship. Trust is an important factor and it's void in your relationship. You will always be snooping and looking over your shoulder. You can't even communicate this to him, you're hiding. What sort of future are you looking at? Deep down inside you know this is so wrong for you. It will be even harder to remove yourself when you are married. Being engaged is not a good enough reason to settle for a relationship that you're happy with only when you numb yourself from the realities of it. Maybe it would be good for you to postpone the engagement, seek therapy and figure out if this is how you plan on living the rest of your marital life. Maybe suggest that you two go together. Understand that this man will continue to be this way. Can you live with a temporary amount of time grieving the loss of this relationship or a lifetime of heartache and hurt over his infidelity? Edited September 3, 2012 by geegirl
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