otis_p Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]My ex left me 4 months ago. We were in what I though of a happy relationship for 1 1/2 years and we had worked together 2 years prior to going out.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]We lived together and were talking about marriage and kids. Over time I discovered that her family did not approve as I was Indian and she is oriental. I had met her family a few times and even went to Oz last new years to see them.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]We are both in out mid 30's so we are not children. We had our challenges in our relationship apart from her family; she wanted to move back home to OZ to be closer to her family, i agreed and was in the process of applying for a visa to move over there. I knew it would not be easy as the cost of living in Sydney was very high and it would also be a bad move for my career, but I was willing to make any sacrifice for her, as i loved her so much and though she loved me.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]We had issues in our relationship, and I always told her that if she did not love me or want to be with me she should tell me, i always told her that I wanted an honest relationship.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]4 months ago, I moved out of the flat as her mother was coming to visit and she would not approve of us living together, I had moved out the previous year for the same reason and came back after her family had left. I did meet them for dinner and we had previously discussed getting married with her parents. While her mother was here, me and my ex met for dinner, I told her to bring her mom as well, but she told me she would not come this time as she ‘hated’ me….to me this was very harsh, as we had only met a handful of times. At dinner, my ex she told me that she was not sure about us anymore and wanted a break in the relationship, even though we had problems this shocked me. She asked for a few months break, as we were currently living together I asked where should I go, what should i do? She told me she did not think about that. I told her a few months is too long, why don't we have a break for a few weeks and talk again after this, after her mother had gone back home and we could discuss this properly. She agreed and as I was in shock, I left her and wanted to be alone, even though she wanted to walk and talk some more.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I went to my brothers and less than a week later I received a good-bye letter sent to my work place, she told me she loved me, but was unsure about the future, that she needed time to think, that she may be making the biggest mistake but did not expect me to wait for her (as I told her I would not wait a few months for her)[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I emailed her trying to be civil and just asked her for a chance to say goodbye properly, she did not respond. Over the next few weeks I tried emailing, phoning and texting, but got no response. Her phone went straight to voicemail and even her work landline was always busy.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]In her letter to me she said she left my things with our building porter to collect as she thought I would not want to see her again, when i got in touch with the porter to collect my things, he told me that my ex had moved out of the flat, she had moved out 4 days after our last conversation, moved out before I had even received her goodbye letter.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Reading various posts they say that when someone dumps you they have been thinking about it for a while, my ex had obviously thought about it and made plans to leave me, she moved out of the flat and blocked all possible contact I had with her, even her friends refused to even let me know she was ok and they also ignore me.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I know she is gone and does not want to be with me, I know we will never be together again; I also do not want to be with someone who can treat me like this. I have been working on myself over the last few months, and spending more time with friends and family, i am in a much better place now than 4 months ago when i was a absolute wreck.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]What I find hard to understand is why she chose to disappear out of my life; she even seems to be ignoring mutual friends. I have not tried to contact her for 2 months, her birthday is coming up next month and I’m not sure if it is worth trying anymore as will she even recieve or read the message.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I was always honest, kind and loving, I never raised my voice and we had very few arguments, i though we were so much in love and would spend the rest of our lives together. I thought maybe after a few weeks/months she would get in touch, if just to say sorry or to check that I am ok, but nothing. I'm not a bad person and have not chased or harassed her, I’m just confused. It would provide me with some comfort just to know she is ok. I don’t even know which continent she is in. I will always love her and just want her to be happy.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Will she ever be in touch with me again, or is she gone forever?[/FONT][/sIZE]
Sebastian76 Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 I don't think she will be coming back mate. Doesn't sound like it at least. By the sound of it she sounds extremely selfish and not somebody I would want to be in a relationship with at any cost. It also sounds like you should have put your foot down a loooong time ago. Moving out of your own home, so that her parents wont find out, because you are not good enough? IMFG!!!!! Talk about being a doormat! Move on my friend. The woman seemingly is incapable of sympathy or empathy, so it is like loving a reptile... Don't waste it on someone like her.
Author otis_p Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 Thanks for the reply. Doormat? *Maybe. *I am a good guy, some call me a people pleaser, but I don't necessarily think that is a bad trait. *I thought she loved me so I was willing to do anything for her, I guess I was wrong. As for moving out when her family was in the UK, I don't see anything wrong with that. *In the Asian community it would be disrespectful to live together until yo are married, so I can understand this. I don't want her back (I know that this is not a reality), but I would like to know that she is ok, even if she doesn't care for me anymore, how can you just forget someone you once loved and stop caring for them all together? I just don't understand, there was no abuse, no infidelity on my part (and on hers I think) so why disappear and ignore me? *Surely it has to be easier to tell me she doesn't love me and to leave her alone rather than; moving out of our flat, changing phone numbers, blocking my email, Facebook, ignoring mutual friends and telling her friends to ignore me. I will always wonder why, I knew her for over 3 years, we had worked and lived together, she had also been hurt in previous relationships where her partners cheated on her, so it's hard for me to understand how she can be so selfish, hurtful and ignore me like this.
KathyM Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 I suspect she's gone for good and you should try to move on with your life. She obviously felt a lot of pressure from her parents to leave you. In the oriental culture, parents are very influential with their children, and children have a lot of respect for what they say and what their wishes are. The parents must not believe that your culture is compatible with theirs for whatever reason, and so they convinced her to leave you. I don't think she deserves blame for this--she was honoring her parents' wishes and respecting their counsel. You may not agree with what was decided, but she chose to go along with her parents' wishes. In the oriental culture, parents are revered, and their wisdom is highly respected and honored. If you are not approved of by the parents, your relationship is doomed. Sorry.
Author otis_p Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 Thanks I don't agree but I can understand why she left me, family is also very important to me. But did this mean she had to run away, hide and ignore me? I'm not waiting for her to come back, it would just give me piece of mind to know tha she is ok, is this too much to expect?
KathyM Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Thanks I don't agree but I can understand why she left me, family is also very important to me. But did this mean she had to run away, hide and ignore me? I'm not waiting for her to come back, it would just give me piece of mind to know tha she is ok, is this too much to expect? Once she's decided to break it off with you, it may be painful for her to see you or talk to you, because it's a reminder of her feelings for you. She wants to make a clean break, and you're going to have to accept that. Sorry. I know it must feel like you didn't get closure and it's very hard to turn off your feelings so abruptly, but she has decided that NC is the way for her to move on with her life.
Author otis_p Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 I wish I could be the same, but I think about her ever spare moment I have, is hard for me to imagine how she can just forget me. I want to be able to tell her that I will be ok (a bit of a lie) and that I wish her happiness and hope all her dreams come true and one day that she can find someone who she loves, will treat her right and be acceptable by her family. You see, last week one of my best friends suddenly died, he got married last year, the last time I saw him alive he was so happy, he told me he was expecting his first child. The last time I saw him he was on life support, he got a blood clot in the brain and was brain dead. Life is to short for regrets, and with my friends death me and my exes problems seem insignificant. I just don't want my ex to suffer of feel any pain because of our failed relationship. I know I'll survive (it has taken me a long time and therapy to get here) I just wish we could both get closure to move on with our lives.
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