jgregory4614 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Its was a stupid move. The last couple of weeks have been hard on me. Im finding it difficult to find any friends in the town I just in. I guess all the time Im spending by myself is starting to make me fell a little lonely. I text my wife last night asking her how the kids are doing. (Its been 3 months since our seperation). Then i told her I had something to get off my chest. (At this point we havent discussed any closure). I told her, "I still love you and I think about you all the time but I know we cant be together or try to get back together. Im not looking to be with anyone else or plan on being with anyone for a very long time. Im not out to hurt you or disrespect you in anyway." She didnt respond for a while. Then 3 hours later she text me back. " I will always love u and have respect for u, but I do wanna move on. I dont want to hang on to something thats not there." I feel like I really screwed up by texting her but at the same time I feel like it was something I needed to say. I am hurt and Im trying what I can to find some friends to keep my mind off my seperation but nothing is working.
Author jgregory4614 Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Ive also been hesitant about blocking her on facebook. Neither one of us has changed our martial status which still says married. I dont want to cause her to rush into a public relationship with whom ever she is seeing. Which by the way it sounds to me she might have something serious going on another guy. I dont want to see her with some else. It will kill me if it happens. Would it be better if I block her facebook or wait for her que.
spaniard Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 It's okay. You did what you had to do. That message didn't change a thing. You told her what you feel and it's absolutely okay. You don't need to be ashamed of anything. Your message was mature, manly and shows that you still love and respect her. I know it seems a bad move, but actually, it is not, because however cruel it may sound, it seems your wife is done with this marriage. Your message didn't make things neither better nor worse. I know it's easy to say to move on. I can't do this myself (although mine was just an 8 month relationship). But this time we have no other options. We HAVE to move on.
Mint Sauce Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Hi Greg, No need to be so harsh on yourself. You didn't "screw up". But as expected her reply was probably very painful for you. Your gut feeling is probably correct. You could take control over whatever is still within your control, and e.g. be the first to change your relationship status, and unfriend/acquantaince her. Then again, the best thing to do is probably to not worry about what to do with FB, unless she's really active on there in a painful way. Try to get out in the real world, doing activities for which it's ok to be on your own. Go running, to the gym, to a coffee place where other people sit alone reading a book. You'll make new friends along the way. take care, someone left after 10yrs of marriage, and again after 5 years long-term, both times for another guy
Gaprofitt Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Its was a stupid move. The last couple of weeks have been hard on me. Im finding it difficult to find any friends in the town I just in. I guess all the time Im spending by myself is starting to make me fell a little lonely. I text my wife last night asking her how the kids are doing. (Its been 3 months since our seperation). Then i told her I had something to get off my chest. (At this point we havent discussed any closure). I told her, "I still love you and I think about you all the time but I know we cant be together or try to get back together. Im not looking to be with anyone else or plan on being with anyone for a very long time. Im not out to hurt you or disrespect you in anyway." She didnt respond for a while. Then 3 hours later she text me back. " I will always love u and have respect for u, but I do wanna move on. I dont want to hang on to something thats not there." I feel like I really screwed up by texting her but at the same time I feel like it was something I needed to say. I am hurt and Im trying what I can to find some friends to keep my mind off my seperation but nothing is working. Hey, Take it easy, it's ok. I've been there and done that. In my situation every time I reached out I've got really hurt by her coldness and bitterness. It's been just brutal. I know how you feel wanting your family and wife, I do badly also. Greg
Author jgregory4614 Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Thanks everyone. Good advice. Ive been working out alot for the past month just about everyday. Ive called some old friends up over the weekend in hopes to visit but no luck. I do a lot of nature trail hiking. I do meet people along the way but im only able to conversate long enough for small talk. Ive tried going to clubs but being 30 years old and i not that much into drinking i loose interest with the much younger crowd and end up leaving earlier than expected. For the facbook situation, im going to go ahead and block her. Im also going to change my martial status to seperated. Maybe this will help open new doors.
mistermr Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Blocking people on Facebook is easy, once you've done it there is no trace of them. Sure you have the temptation to unblock but as long as their profile isn't set to public you won't get much joy out of it. The only thing I can see of my ex if I unblock his her profile picture and she hasn't changed that in years and I hope she never does (eep).
Author jgregory4614 Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 I just blocked her and all of her friends. I also set my privacy to friends only. Well this is a major step for me. Ive always had a big habit of checking her page since we seperated. I think it would be a matter of before she put something on there that would hurt me. Now I just need to work on finding some new friends. It would help keep my sanity at this point in time. 1
spaniard Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Oh, tell me about it. For me NC has been an easy job -- stop checking her FB profile all the time is another story. But good job. You made an important step in your healing process.
Author jgregory4614 Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 We have kids and its diffcult to stay NC. The only thing I can do at this point is stick with the buisness end about our kids and keep the catching up emotionally part to minimum. She does sometime ask me how things are going and I just tell her everthing is good. Besides me texting her last night I havent told her anything else about how I really felt. 1
Author jgregory4614 Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Well...after blocking her FB page i posted to all my friends to let them know ive been seperated for 3 months, i had so many people comment showing me support. It was awesome! I even got a couple of attractive single women that wanna hook up. Blocking her was the best thing I could of done. Thanks guys!
BewitchedandBothered Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Its was a stupid move. The last couple of weeks have been hard on me. Im finding it difficult to find any friends in the town I just in. I guess all the time Im spending by myself is starting to make me fell a little lonely. I text my wife last night asking her how the kids are doing. (Its been 3 months since our seperation). Then i told her I had something to get off my chest. (At this point we havent discussed any closure). I told her, "I still love you and I think about you all the time but I know we cant be together or try to get back together. Im not looking to be with anyone else or plan on being with anyone for a very long time. Im not out to hurt you or disrespect you in anyway." She didnt respond for a while. Then 3 hours later she text me back. " I will always love u and have respect for u, but I do wanna move on. I dont want to hang on to something thats not there." I feel like I really screwed up by texting her but at the same time I feel like it was something I needed to say. I am hurt and Im trying what I can to find some friends to keep my mind off my seperation but nothing is working. You are still married and have children; you should keep in contact! And what you said was heartfelt and honest. Don't feel screwed up-you did the right thing.
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