spaniard Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 So. My girlfriend broke up with me two months ago. Practically it was not her but us - we broke up together although I was still in love with her. We met again two weeks later to exchange our stuff. It was pretty hard as she was talking about how 'interesting' that she had absolutely no feelings for me although she had been crazy about me. I couldn't say a word as I felt like I was dying. I did nothing but smile... Then after she told me that she needed to go to a party, I called her on phone and told her that I was still love with her. Next day she told me on Facebook that she had absolutely no feelings for me and this whole thing was dead. I replied that if that's the case, I would delete her from my friends on Facebook, delete our blog that we had written together. I told her that I wasn't angry and it's not some kind of childish move, I just wanted to move on and this was the best way to do it. For the record: we were a great couple together. We did things that no other couples did - at least among those we knew. We had so many common things that I felt I found my future wife. She loved me so much that she simply couldn't exist without me. She fell into depression every time I left for a few days (I attended the university in another town, but went home every weekend and sometimes on Wednesdays). I'm still not fully aware of the fact why her love had died, but it doesn't matter anyore. It's the past, she is over me. I have been strong enough to avoid contact with her. There has been NC since that Facebook conversation one and a half month ago. It's quite easy for me, I feel no temptation to contact her, although I find it pretty hard not to check her FB page from time to time. I'm working on it, for example I haven't checked it for a few days and it makes me proud The first 1-2 weeks were extremely difficult. You all know this, so I don't wanna detail it here. As a man I have always had problems with expressing my feelings, but man, I cried like a little baby when I truly realized that she had gone forever. Then I decided that I was man and I needed to man up and got through this no matter the cost. That is what I have been working ever since then. I have made enormous progress since day 1. I'm feeling so much better, I laugh a lot, I have started activities I always planned to do (skydiving course!) and I'm on the right path to get over her completely. I just want to give you a few tips. These ones are rather for men than women, but it's possible that some girls will find it applicable to their situations as well. First, I realized the break up hurts because it destroys our self-esteem. In the very moment you start rebuilding your self-esteem, you will feel better. So you need to ask yourself: how can I boost my self-esteem? I think guys are luckier in this regard as they have more activities to lean on. 1) You have to man up. You have to be a man. You have to go through a mourning period, but damn, you must not let it last longer than a few weeks. You have to accept that it is gone. Forever. She (or he) will not come back EVER. Doesn't matter how happy you were - it is gone. If you wanted to be a great boyfriend/girlfriend, now it's time to be a better man. To move on, you have to improve yourself. This is the period when you are overwhelmed with emotions - time to turn the pain and sorrow into motivation and hard work! You are tough. You can do this. And trust me, successes will come and they will be not only a huge boost on your self-esteem but also on your mood as well. 2) As a man, I have always respected physical fitness. I have been a skinny guy but fast and agile as I did sports like soccer and running where agility is quite important. Unfortunately I had a serious knee injury a year ago that prevented me doing all the sports I loved. Results? I gained quite a lot fat (+5 kg) and grew a nice pot belly. After the break up, however, I decided to hit the gym and get in shape again. I decided to gain muscle, lose fat and live healthily. I've been doing this for 2 months and I consider it as one of the best decisions in my life. It's extremely helpful. I feel much stronger, much fitter and overall happier and more balanced. Sometimes I can't wait to go to gym to work out! What's more: you will meet new friends and learn what determination and motivation truly means. I attend the university gym, most guys there are not only tough but sharp as hell. I also joined a university football team as my knee is getting better and I decided to start visiting muay thai trainings. Being tough means being more confident. Being confident means you are less likely to collapse like a pack of card when you hear uncomfortable news from your ex. And I'm about to fulfill one my dreams: to be a skydiver. I start the skydiving course the Wednesday and I can't wait for it! 3) Physical fitness is nothing without mental fitness. You must stay strong in body, mind and spirit. So read. Find books that interest you. Although I'm studying industrial management, I'm really into history. I found a book (The Rise and Fall of the Great Powers by Paul Kennedy) that I feel was written for me. It's extremely interesting and I can spend hours reading it - hours when I don't think of my ex even for a fraction of a second. 4) Spirit. I'm a Christian, although I'm not a good person at all. I've always had a pretty quick temper. I'm thankful that, in my 24 years of life, I've never expressed it by physically punching holes in walls or striking others. I started to read the Bible regularly as I used to do it earlier. I attend the church quite often. It helps me concentrate my thoughts. I'm trying to be a better man and it gives me the guide that I really need these days. I also joined a volunteer group, because I realized that in my life I have hardly given 'back' anything to the society. Now it's the time! (Of course, you don't need religion to do this. Being a good or bad person doesn't depend on religion.) 5) Motivation. Watch inspirational movies. Listen to uplifting music. Movies and music can make you feel tough and motivated - the next step is to turn them into actual activities. 6) Lean on your friends, but don't pity yourself too much. It's okay to talk about your ex sometimes. You are hurt and there are no reason to hide it before your best buddies. But don't overdo it. There is nothing worse than a person who does nothing but complaining 24 hours a day. 7) Try to get back into the dating game as soon as possible. Every rejection, every failed attempt brings you closer to the One. 8) And the most important: find a purpose. Mine is about self-improvement. I want to be smarter, tougher and better in every way than I was before I met her. It helps me divert my thoughts from my ex to something more useful. So that's what I do. I'm not over my ex, I'm not there even by a longshot. But I have made so much progress in the last two months that it makes me feel that this whole period won't last forever. Bad feelings will go away, but you need to WORK on it. And sometimes it makes you feel better that you know you are getting better It's like a chain reaction. But no contact is the key of everything. I hope it helps some fellows out there. Good luck and try to accept the fact - it won't last forever. Nothing lasts forever. You'll be fine. Oh, and sorry for my poor English (I'm working on it it, too:)). 3
Tyler. Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Good job bro, keep it up I'm doing the same thing, working out like crazy and just trying to improve overall. To anyone out there, it does get easier. Not overnight, but over time it gets easier and easier. Life goes on no matter what, and we should just try to be happy. It's not the end of the world. It just seems like it, i know, but you just gotta keep moving forward.
D-One Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Great tips man....really enjoyed reading. Keep up the progress
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