howdidthishappen Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Kinda lengthy, but I find that the more info, the better in these circumstances. Could just use opinions from people who are unfamiliar with the situation... I met my ex in April 2009. She was about to graduate from our professional school, at which I had one more year, before embarking on a traveling degree program. I had expected it to be a summer fling, but it was clear from month two that she was something special. We originally broke up at the end of summer, but after talking to her and after she had come back stateside we agreed to date long distance. While difficult, I never slipped up and always loved her. When she arrived back, we had some difficulties. She protracted a stay with her family, meaning that we were apart for an additional four months. We fought, but eventually reconciled and moved, together, to the same city. Thus would begin the only happy year of my adult life. The good times went from January 2011 to October 2011. Eventually we discussed long term plans, as she is in her late twenties and was beginning to be concerned with child rearing. She wanted more children than me (5 v. 2), she insisted that I would lie to our (future) children and tell them that I believe in a god, and that we raise the kinds in the manner, generally, that she wanted (i.e., with millions of dollars, possibly educating them in Europe). She is an incredibly intelligent and resourceful woman, and I have no doubt that she could have made this happen. For my part, I don't really trust the rich and never had any desire to be wealthy. Moreover, we have diametrically opposed politics, and it may have presented further difficulties. As a result, we determined that we were long-term incompatible, and broke up. At the end of the month, I received a phone call from her. She told me that she had been miserable without me, and didn't want a part of a life without me. She offered to go to City Hall to get married on the instant, if I felt so inclined, and promised to work through any disagreements we might have in the future. Once again, I was happy. In April, my father was diagnosed with, what is in all probability, terminal cancer. While in a dark place, I made a comment to her that I didn't know that i could bring a child into this world. My ex wanted to have c. 5 children, and at this point she immediately became distant. She stopped sleeping with me, but didn't break up w/ me b/c of what I was going through. That said, she cut off all physical intimacy, and I grew resentful. After c. one month of having a quasi-girlfriend I slipped up and cheated while she was out of town for work. I don't lie to people I love--and I've never loved anyone as much as her--but I knew that I couldn't tell her b/c of how we had both spoken of cheaters before; i.e., that we would never tolerate being cheated on, as it evinced a proclivity to repeat the behavior. As a result, I started a conversation that acknowledged that she wanted to move from where we lived to the other side of the US to be closer to her family. Also, I brought up all of the things that had led to our previous breakup, and she agreed. It was pretty mutual. Honestly, I wanted to propose to her, but could never come clean because I couldn't tell her about my infidelity. A few weeks later we had a catch up dinner. I asked too many questions, and she doesn't lie. She'd met someone while on vacation with her family, a mere nine days after we'd broken up. I ended the dinner in a civil fashion, but we didn't speak again for a matter of months. When I eventually texted her, I learned that she had already moved. Two weeks later, I called her drunk one night and left a voicemail looking to catch up. She called back two days later. Once again, I asked too many questions, and learned that she had just been on vacation with the new guy, in Hawaii, for a week. All I can think of is my ex getting f@#$ed on a Hawaiian beach by someone other than me for a week straight. My question is twofold. How is it that she could move on so quickly after a three year relationship, where I am still miserable and haven't been able to even talk to a girl yet? Secondly, what are the odds that I could fly out to see her, cop to everything that I did, and that she would still want to know me, much less be with me? She's already three months into the new relationship, and doesn't seem to at all care for me anymore. I have always been content, but never happy. For a little more than a year, when I was with her, I was extraordinarily happy. I have been nothing but miserable since we broke up. I can't go on like this.
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