Mount Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Quick question (mostly to OWs), when you are in A with the MM, do you still go to dates? I never stop going to dates (coffee, or dinner...etc) with other single guys even though nothing comes out yet. Just want to know if you all do as well?
Author Mount Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 No, I am not dating multiple people. I am saying I go on dates with single guys for coffee or dinner, but if no chemistry comes out, we just pass each other. LFH I understand your thoughts, but the MMs are married and having wives or SOs, but they still date you and have relationships with you, so I think it is nothing wrong if you go on dates - not mean you will need to be close to them, just for coffee or dinner to see if there has potential chemistry happening between you and the single guys. Absolutely not, but I'm in love with my MM and the thought of being with anyone else is not even something I would entertain, I was never the type to date multiple men at once even before I met him though.
Summer Breeze Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I dated while I was involved with MM. I can tell you right now it bothered him a whole lot more that I dated than it did me that he was M. He asked me once if it bothered me that I wasn't exclusive to him. Really? You're really asking me that? I ended the conversation letting him know that if he ever wanted to have an exclusive R with me I'd reciprocate. 5
Silly_Girl Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I tried to date whilst in the affair, but I loved him too hard to carry it on. He said he was okay when I did go on dates, but he wasn't at all. He knew he had no right to react so he sat on his feelings.
Got it Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I discussed and had the ability to date but I did not date while I was in the affair. I was focused on him, I loved him, so I had no interest in other men. If I did date we would discuss if it got to a point where sex would be involved. And yes, we had an obligation to ourselves to be monogamous with each other. And yes it was honored on both ends. And yes I know that to be true. And yes it was verified outside of him. (for the follow up comments I am assuming I will get). 1
Sauron Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 When OW and I first hooked up she said she wouldn't ignore other interested men, and why should she. As we time went by her dating would come up, and she says she is not interested in it. I would not be opposed to it as I am married and sleep with my wife most nights out of the week, I told her if she wanted to sleep with someone please practice safe sex and that seemed to hurt her a bit, so now we don't talk about it anymore.
Author Mount Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Sauron, thanks for sharing from the MM's pespective. So I assume you don't feel any jealous at all for her dating? When OW and I first hooked up she said she wouldn't ignore other interested men, and why should she. As we time went by her dating would come up, and she says she is not interested in it. I would not be opposed to it as I am married and sleep with my wife most nights out of the week, I told her if she wanted to sleep with someone please practice safe sex and that seemed to hurt her a bit, so now we don't talk about it anymore.
Sauron Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I am human male and we don't like to share, so yes a little, and I am married and choose to stay that way, so no because I can't expect that kind of realtionship with her. This all came up in our first year. It was very difficult to get used to for both of us. If she came to me and said, I am interested in someone that I can have a day to day life with I would understand totally, I might not like it, but it is what it is. She has never pressured me to leave and says she never expects me too, never made a demand for anything, just wants to spend time together and enjoy ourselves.
carhill Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Quick question (mostly to OWs), when you are in A with the MM, do you still go to dates? fOM, but yes, did date, as MW wasn't exclusive and monogamous. As their relationship status was nebulous, with 'separated' being the most common term heard, I considered them as one potential amongst a group of potentials.
MissBee Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Quick question (mostly to OWs), when you are in A with the MM, do you still go to dates? I never stop going to dates (coffee, or dinner...etc) with other single guys even though nothing comes out yet. Just want to know if you all do as well? When I was in the A, yes...always. I continued to go out with other men. My thought process was that we're clearly not in a monogamous relationship, therefore I'm not going to act like it. Part of it was also a defense mechanism, to "buffer" my feelings for him. That failed miserably. I was invested emotionally in him, although I tried to date others and seem like it was no big deal, I could take him or leave him. The truth was, I was emotionally unavailable to form any kind of real relationship with any of these single guys because I was completely in love with the guy I was in the A with. Simple. They were something to do "on the side" so I didn't feel like I was just waiting for him...but I was not emotionally attached to them and couldn't be because I was already long gone, in love with him. 1
East7 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 . The truth was, I was emotionally unavailable to form any kind of real relationship with any of these single guys because I was completely in love with the guy I was in the A with. Simple. They were something to do "on the side" so I didn't feel like I was just waiting for him...but I was not emotionally attached to them and couldn't be because I was already long gone, in love with him. I experienced it exactly the same. Thanks MissBee for your eloquence I wanted to keep my options open as the MW's marriage was still going on. I didn't owe her fidelity. The most suprising was that -knowing I was dating others - she had the nerve to tell me that I didn't love her, that I wasn't trustworthy and she couldn't trust me in a normal relationship ! The problem was that I wasn't emotionally available for those single women and that was a poison for any attempt to start a relationship with someone else. With the hindsight, I think I have blown 1 or 2 great opportunities because my mind was too busy thinking about MW rather than MYSELF 3
Sauron Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 This is really interesting. I would figure the OW/OM would always keep their options open. I would never stand in the way of my OW finding a full time partner, would miss her, but how could any married person expect anything different?
chinneytan Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I would and am doing it. To keep myself sane and occupy. I yearn for a normal relationship where i do not need to feel im the second best all the time. Love him too much to share. He does get upset when he knows about some other guys. Its a "territory" thingy for man I know deep down, even if I meet a potential bf, our A will definitely not end there.
beenburned Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Sauron, And you assume women like to share?
Sauron Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Sauron, And you assume women like to share? Apparently, since so many of the female gender do. Men are territorial by nature as a survival instinct. However, you will note if you have read my posts, that I am fine with either my wife or OW doing what they need to do. However, they both seem satisfied. My 3rd is as well.
ThatJustHappened Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Apparently, since so many of the female gender do. Men are territorial by nature as a survival instinct. However, you will note if you have read my posts, that I am fine with either my wife or OW doing what they need to do. However, they both seem satisfied. My 3rd is as well. So they all know about each other? 1
whichwayisup Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I would and am doing it. To keep myself sane and occupy. I yearn for a normal relationship where i do not need to feel im the second best all the time. Love him too much to share. He does get upset when he knows about some other guys. Its a "territory" thingy for man I know deep down, even if I meet a potential bf, our A will definitely not end there. So how do you figure that's going to happen, have a normal relationship with someone who you don't have share if you're still having an A with your MM? Dating is a distraction, a quick fix aka bandaid .. The facts still remain that you are second fiddle to him, he doesn't seem to be divorcing his wife and you're sick of sharing him. I do hope you gain the strength to end it so you can heal and find a (single) guy who can love and adore only you. 2
canuckprincess Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I would and am doing it. To keep myself sane and occupy. I yearn for a normal relationship where i do not need to feel im the second best all the time. Love him too much to share. He does get upset when he knows about some other guys. Its a "territory" thingy for man I know deep down, even if I meet a potential bf, our A will definitely not end there. I do go on dinner or movie dates but not with multiple guys. I have mostly male friends so I guess some assume I"m dating them but I'm not. They are just guys that distract me from time to time. Do you sleep with any of the other men you date or not? I don't and I won't.
bunnyboileri Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Im seeing a MM thing is theres a woman in his house in his life, why should I sit waiting just for him when hes got that, im having fun!!
chinneytan Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I do go on dinner or movie dates but not with multiple guys. I have mostly male friends so I guess some assume I"m dating them but I'm not. They are just guys that distract me from time to time. Do you sleep with any of the other men you date or not? I don't and I won't. Same here. I agree its more of the distraction since the "im at home waiting for you" feeling really sucks. No, i dun sleep with the other man. Only my partner. But then again, my A is kinda different from many of the OW here. His W is thousand miles away in his home country whereas he is staying in my country. Currently, we are staying together. I still go out on dinner dates with guys.
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