spiderowl Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 We are told that eye contact is a telling sign that someone likes us, that a guy will make eye contact regularly if he's interested. I know a guy who is doing this, but of course in order to see that he is looking I am looking too. Is he just looking because I am or because he's interested? If someone is looking at you occasionally, aren't you bound to look back? Is it possible to know whether it means he's interested or if he's just wondering why you are staring at him, lol? 1
soccerrprp Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 This is clearly not an absolute truth, of course. I've dated women who did not like eye contact and it was not because they were trying to be evasive. Sociability, past experiences and up-bringing seemed to have contributed to the discomfort they felt while making eye contact. But if someone is looking at you off and on and incidentally as you look at him, he's likely interested and wondering if you are. 1
Author spiderowl Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 I'm hoping so, but maybe he's wondering why I keep looking at him. I'm not looking all the time but occasionally and I do find he looks then too.
Forever Learning Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 But if someone is looking at you off and on and incidentally as you look at him, he's likely interested and wondering if you are. Agreed. And people who are so shy that they have trouble making that type eye contact, may have some inner work to do regarding self esteem and worries of rejection.
january2011 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 This is something that could swing either way. And while signs and signals might be useful in determining potential romantic interest, you really need to interact in other ways beyond pupil-flashing, to be more certain that there is something there. Going out on a date, for example. 2
Author spiderowl Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 I agree, I find it hard to make eye contact but I'm getting better at it. I know that people with autism find it nearly impossible to make eye contact.
Author spiderowl Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 I guess the eye contact is a preliminary to try to work out if the other person is interested. If so, maybe they will ask out after that. It's very hard to tell! 1
ThaWholigan Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Eye contact is usually a signifier. If you are close enough, you can see pupils dilate when they look at you - this could be a sign of attraction. And you're right, looking into people's eyes is difficult when you're autistic. It took a good few years for me to get comfortable with it, now I can comfortably look into someone's eyes.
Author spiderowl Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 I'm glad you find it comfortable to look people in the eye now. I have always struggled with it but I'm getting better.
ScreamingTrees Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) Trouble making eye contact is not exclusive to the Autistic folk, though, unless I'm a closet Aspie and don't even realize it.. I don't really have trouble making eye contact, I did for awhile though, I feel the pain of my optically challenged brethren! Now I look back when I catch someone staring, I don't jump to negative assumptions and I just look back, sometimes THEY'RE the ones who get nervous and look away looking a bit hot and bothered. Maybe they think I'm going to follow them home and leave a dead raccoon on their porch.. I'd rather stay positive though. I've realized that I'm not the only one in the world with these petty issues.. Made it a lot easier for me to have dealt with it. Edited September 4, 2012 by ScreamingTrees
mortensorchid Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Eye contact is something that implied confidence. If someone were to keep looking away like a kid with ADD, would you be interested in this person? Not just as a date, but as a friend, socially, or workwise? You wouldn't.
ScreamingTrees Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Eye contact is something that implied confidence. If someone were to keep looking away like a kid with ADD, would you be interested in this person? Not just as a date, but as a friend, socially, or workwise? You wouldn't. Well, I seem to have made a great deal of friends from several vastly different backgrounds and I feel as though I've had this problem to some extent. Then again, when I've asked others non nonchalantly if I appeared jittery/nervous/avoidant, they usually tell me they didn't notice that I was acting strange in any way and don't have any second thoughts. That leads me to think that one's mind/perception can often be their own worst enemy... Personally, I don't care about petty **** like making eye contact, that doesn't make someone else lesser, that sounds silly. The other extreme's not much better, I usually get guys grilling me for no reason.. They usually stop when you give 'em a taste of their own medicine, though.
callingyouuu Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 I look at people pretty frequently (more out of curiosity than anything else), so when someone returns the favor, my default is usually to assume they don't really mean anything by it until given other information that backs up that conclusion. Eye contact hasn't been a reliable enough indicator of romantic interest in my experience, but I could be biased from my own perspective.
oaks Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Any more thoughts? Why do you keep looking at him?
january2011 Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Why do you keep looking at him? I'm looking at you, looking at me, looking at you, looking at me. Spiderowl, unless you make a move and show that you are interested by at least talking to him, all this analysis regarding his gaze may be all for naught. At the very least, talking to him will allow you to collect more data to analyse to determine whether or not there's any interest at his end.
Author spiderowl Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 Sometimes I look deliberately and sometimes I don't but he catches my eye. I don't know whether looking is mutual or accidental on his part. I have talked to him and he seems nice. We've only just started talking and I think we're both shy.
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