Turbo_sc2 Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Me and my Girl Friend have been together for a year now and we both love each other very much, but there is this guy that went to the army that was a very good guy friend to her and hes coming back soon and ya i am jealous of him , she said that she is going to go stay with him for a couple of weeks which is out of town with out me, even though i told her i dont want her to go see him she said that he is like a brother to her which hes not and she loves him very much but as a brother and this guy is great or as i am told.Do you think that she will end up with him because shes been talkin about him latly that she misses him cant wait til he gets back so she can see him?????????????? help and whenever i show her that i am jelous she gets really mad should i be jealous whats going on hahaha?
Whoahhgirl Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 I think in some way you have a right to be jealous. Your g/f is staying with someone of the opposite sex for a while. It's not like it's for one night...it's a couple of weeks. I guess that your g/f hasn't realized that if the shoe was on the other foot and you were going to stay with a female friend...she probably wouldn't be too happy. Especially if you kept talking to her about how you missed your female friend. Only time will tell if she ends up with this guy. If her love for you is strong and real, she won't stray. I say for now, give them both the benefit of the doubt and try to make the best of what you have until she leaves. I say that if you haven't met this man and don't know how they act around each other....you can't really pass judgment on either one of them. For all you know, they may honestly have just a brother/sister type of relationship. Try to keep yourself busy while she's gone. You will be less miserable if your not sittting at home thinking about it.
Author Turbo_sc2 Posted July 20, 2004 Author Posted July 20, 2004 Ive messed around with her and said that i was going to do the same thing to her and she says to just go ahead and do it with an attitude, and we been fightin about this for about a month now i try just to let it go but its kinda hard knowing there is a other guy she loves and we really havent been that close this pass month i quess i should just drop the subject and stop bringin it up just gonna make things worse right?
HoldOn Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 That's too bad that you've been fighting for a month. I totally understand how you would be jealous, I would be out of my mind. I was recently talking to my bf about a similar situation. I told him that one of my girlfriends had an old guy friend who wanted to stay on her couch. She didn't want him to, because she felt awkward about it. Which led to my bf asking me if I would mind if this female friend of his ever wanted to stay on his couch. This is a paraphrase conversation. I said, "I guess that would be okay..." He said "No it wouldn't, you would be pissed." I said "You're right I would be pissed" And he said, "then I won't do it. You need to tell me when something upsets you and I won't do it." That's the crux of the situation. If it bothers you, your gf should respect your wishes. It's not like she just wants to go out for coffee with an old friend. She wants to stay at his place for two weeks. My position is that she probably won't cheat on you. (Is there any evidence that she would?) But it is kinda disrespectful for her to do this against your wishes. I wouldn't do it if my bf had a problem with it. However, getting mad at her isn't going to stop her, you'll just piss her off. If you want to lose her, this is the way to do it. And she'll go running to her guy friend. "My bf is such a jerk. Booo Hooo." "Oh baby, I'll comfort you.." No no, it's much better to be the cool, secure bf. But I personally would not want to be with a person who would do this to me.
HoldOn Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Oh, yes, and I wouldn't recommend trying to get back at her with another girl. It won't work.
Author Turbo_sc2 Posted July 20, 2004 Author Posted July 20, 2004 how can me and her just sit down and talk and i not make her mad because i do every time i try to talk to her about him she says i am just being controllin and insecure. and now that we been fighting she dosent like being with me as much we use to be with each other day and night but she said she doesnt like being around me when i am sad and depreassed which she causes it hahahah help she says she feels like i been smuthering her?and i havent done anything different since we been together??????????????whats her problem should i just give her alot of space lol??
2Confuzed Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 I think that if she truly loves and respects you, and she knows it bothers you, then she shouldn't go. You need to talk to her when you aren't in the middle of an arguement. Bring it up when you guys are in a good mood. Tell her that it bothers you. Make her see it from your point of view, tell her to walk in your shoes. I bet if it was you going to see someone, she would feel the same way you do. You don't know this guy and you don't know his intentions. I think if she respects you, she won't go because she realize how much it would hurt you.
HoldOn Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 She already knows that you are upset about it. Ask her to please consider your feelings and consider how much this will hurt you. "Are you willing to do this, even though it will hurt me so much? I wouldn't do it to you. To me, it's a big deal. To a lot of people it would be a big deal. What if one of your girlfriend's boyfriends were going to do it." "Let's compromise. Can you stay in a hotel? Perhaps I could come visit while you are visiting him." Regardless, I stand by my statement that I wouldn't keep dating a person if they didn't care about my feelings. I don't think you are being controlling, I think your concerns are valid. But try not to get angry with her, as that is pointless. Do what 2confuzed said and bring it up when you're in a good mood.
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 how can me and her just sit down and talk and i not make her mad because i do every time i try to talk to her about him she says i am just being controllin and insecure. Your concern shouldn't be whether or not communicating your feelings will make her "mad." If she isn't mature enough to examine a situation rationally from both sides then she isn't ready for the same kind of relationship you are looking for. STOP walking on eggshells! Seems to me that she is in control of you rather than the other way around. So what; if you are trying to gain some control over your situation. You're in it so you have every right to ask questions and get the answers you need to make an informed decision regarding where you go from here. And; so what, if you're feeling "insecure" with where your relationship stands when the person you are invested in has given you a good reason. Nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. You're human. she said she doesnt like being around me when i am sad and depreassed Oh. So she's one of those "fair weather" girlfriends? Out the door at the slightest hint of conflict because she isn't willing to invest the effort it takes to navigate the rough spots? Or maybe she's just avoiding accountability for failing to meet you half way and disregarding anyone's feelings except her own. she says she feels like i been smuthering her? Then let that free bird fly. It's not "you" that's smothering her…it’s the idea of having to be invested in any "relationship" where she might be expected to give up and/or compromise any aspect of her "single" life. Simply put: you're ready to settle down and she isn't, and you can't have a "relationship" if you're the only one who's actually in it. Neither one of you are "wrong", you just have different expectations and priorities at this point in your life. Turbo, you will NEVER EVER be able to control what another person does. People will do exactly what they want to do regardless of your feelings or any subsequent consequence. The best you can hope for is to be informed so that YOU can make a conscious decision as to whether to deal with a relationship on "their" terms, or to exit it on yours. All the control you need is right in your hands, but the only person whose actions you have jurisdiction over is your own. If you are not happy, then "control" your feet and walk. In doing so, you will have regained absolute power over yourself AND the fate of this one-sided relationship. Remember, no one can "control" how you choose to live your life, either. Stay strong; be your own best ally, and good luck with whatever decision you choose to make for yourself.
HoldOn Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Then let that free bird fly. It's not "you" that's smothering her…it’s the idea of having to be invested in any "relationship" yeah, when someone asks for space, you give them enough space to fly to f'n Jupiter. That's what they asked for.
Adunaphel Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 There are a couple of guys I love like brothers ...and I'd never ever have a relationship with. I guess they feel the same towards me. Yet I'd never stay at their places even one single night if it bothered my boyfriend, I'd probably feel unconfortable if I did even if he told me he would not mind. I agree with the others who said your concerns are legitimate, and she should consider your feelings. She should at least consider compromising. Does this guy know she has a boyfriend? If he's really like a brother to her, she might explain him you are worried, you could agree to meet -the three of you-and work out a compromise in person. You might even find you like this guy and he really looks like only a friend. I don't mean he should invite the both of you to his place for two weeks (even it it would be nice ) but a way could be worked out to put all of you at ease. I don't like your gf's attitude. Did you ask her to meet him? if so, how did she react? If she refuses any compromise and will do as she wills, you might consider walking away, as Enigma suggested.
YellowLioness Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 I agree with Enigma. Why is she so defensive anyway? It makes me wonder what she's hiding from you.
alicia24 Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Please do not worry I have friend Darren that I love dearly but I see him as the brotherly type. There is not an ounce of sexual attraction. We have a lot in common and like going out together once in a while. We both have significant others and they are cool with the friendship. On the other hand I would not disrespect my significant other by spending the night with my friend if I knew it bothered them
Wellnowuknow Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 I have a bf and very good brother friend in the army. Same situation as you. And I've had this conversation with my bf before because I too was going to visit my friend and stay with him a while. What I did was as soon as my friend got here I introduced him to my bf so that he would understand what I meant and Us three hung out for a while so that my bf could see we were just friends and nothing more. I have never cheated on my bf and I stayed with my friend and nothing happened. I think you should trust your gf and if she says you have nothing to worry about then you shouldnt worry. If you dont feel comfortable ask her if you can meet him. She shouldnt have a problem with it and if she does then you should worry.
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