~me and my g/f just broke up, do i still have a chance & what should i do?~

[H2WOMRWA]

*This will be kind of long, but I would really appreciate you taking the time to read it, and help me out a bit. I'm sick of the pain I feel, and the hurt she has caused me.*

 

Ok, to start off me and my g/f have been dating for 7 months. We were great at first, but since the summer, we started seeing each other alot more, and started to get on each others nerves. We fought about nothing half the time. About a week and 1/2 ago, she told me it was over.

 

I asked her why, and she explained to me:

1) She needs time and space to think about what she really wants

2) She never really had a relationship last this long before and is getting scared

3) We fought too much

4) I treated her like **** sometimes and called her names (which, I did and I finally realized it)

5) I was always jealous, and got mad when she had guy friends.

5) She lost alot of the feeling we had from earlier in the relationship.

 

So anyways, I asked her for a second chance. She said she needs some time and to be with her friends a little bit. And I was perfectly fine with this. But then we did something like 3 days after the break up because we had planned this before hand. And I was looking at her text messages to see if she still had something i sent her, and one caught my eye. It said something about her hanging out with a guy the day after we broke up. It turns out she met this guy around July 3rd, and they talked on the phone a little bit. Then when we broke up, she went and hung out with him with her best friend also. I talked to her about it, and she said she did not know him enough to like him, and they are just friends.

 

Then about a few days later, they hung out again. So, I started to get jealous. So, I started comparing myself to him, and asking her if she would take me back. And told her that she has total assurance that I will love her, and like her for her. And it would be taking a risk losing me over some guy she hardly knows. She said life is full of risks, and you won't know what is out there, unless you take them. I said, well then you will lose me. And she got upset, and has cried many times over the fact.

 

Anyways, I brought up a few of the good times we had, and she starts to get choked up, but says she cant stop thinking of the bad times. I told her i screwed up, because i didn't know how good i had it, until she was gone. And I took her and the relationship for granted.

 

Now she tells me that she sees alot for us in the future, as in: getting back with each other. However, she says she still needs time to think about things, and it might take dating other guys to realize what she is risking to lose.

 

Now I realize everything I done wrong, and I really want her back. I promised alot of things to her, and I would stay up to them. Before we broke up, she said if we ever did, to not stop trying, and to get that 2nd chance. And this is what I want, a 2nd chance.

 

To be honest, I have never been in love before. Well at least not until I met her. It was only 7 months, and I feel intrigued to stay with her longer, and to find more out about her. She makes me feel so important and loved, Secure and Safe. I just can't stand not being with her anymore. I miss talking to her all hours of the night, and going home from work knowing i will either talk to her or be with her that night. Now, I don't have this luxery.

 

Anyways, she came over a few days ago, and we talked alot. She said that things take time, and only time can tell. Even though I told her everything I had left in me. Now I have nothing left except for one thing...

 

She left yesterday for a vacation, and is coming back around thursday/friday. She said this should give her time to clear her mind, and think about things. So I asked her, since her mind would be cleared, could we start all over, and could she give me 'another' first date? She said yes, and she said this could be the turning point in which will decide if we get back together right away or not. She said if not, she knows there will be another time in the future for us. I said, if you can see us in the future, why not now? She said she is confused, and will always wonder if there was something or someone else out there for her. Anyways, back to the date thing: I said 'here is what you must do, go on a date with me first and if you still aren't sure, go on a date with this other guy you have been hanging out with and talking to.' I did this so she would get to see what she needs to decide.

 

This other guy she said, won't open the door for her (like i do) and he says no when she asks him to. And she says i'm still more attractive than him. Otherwise he is really nice. But, I was really nice when we first met. I told her it's called a first impression.

 

So she told me that she will only give me hints, since there is soo much more i have to lose, than this guy. She told me to bring her somewhere where she can be herself ( not a fancy restaurant ) but still to make it romantic enough. But not too pushy. She wants to have fun, that is the type of girl she is. Spontaneous, random, just wants to be herself. She is pretty outgoing also, and is athletic. Now so far what I have is flowers (a rose for every month we went out, and a special colored one for the possible next month we could have together), a picnic on a beach during sunset, but now I need to fill the rest of the night.

 

For all the viewers, and readers, I would like advice in the following fields:

1) How could I fill the night to make it special for her?

2) Is she just playing games with me, and wants me as a puppet, so she can keep me in limbo if things don't work out with other relationships in the future?

3) Do you see us getting back together, or at least having a chance in the future?

4) If things don't work out after the date, should I follow through with the no contact method?

 

*Thank you all for listening, and I appreciate all the advice. And if I could, I would thank you all personally!*

[crazydawg]

She's putting you in limbo. They are just friends is bull****, there is no such thing a guys friends. I know because it happened to me but i told her right away thats a load of **** and told her to f off. It hurt but its the truth man. Best advice i can give is to completely shut all contact wtih her, make believe you moved on, make believe that you don't care. Women want what they can't have. If she doesn't chase you then she's not for you,She doesn't have the high enought interest to pursue it with you. Believe me be strong you can do this its been 19 days for me and everyday it gets a little easier for me...... do what the russians did retreat retreat retreat and lure them isn't that how the russians won?

[Good heart]

through my experience with women, and regardless of the situation I was in, if the girl breaks up she always chooses a time when there is some sort of a spare potential boyfriend around, they can tolerate you for some time but the timing is done along with the start of a new relationship which she will be excited about for a long time until she gets bored from the guy or he treats her worse than you did and then she might decide to come back.

the best strategy is to go find another gf and forget about her in the time being( I know it is painful) since you are old school now and she seems that she wants to experiment.

I am sorry for being a little bit hard but this is my opinion..

take care

[crazydawg]

good heart your on the money

[H2WOMRWA]

just guy friend is not bull****. i know alot of women with guy friends, and they have boyfriends. and I see how they are around the guy friends. she talked to other guys when i was around, so obviously she isn't trying to hide anything, otherwise she wouldn't talk to them around me. She is actually a very nice and mature girl. Probably the most honest I never met. And, when she does hang out with other guys, she does tell me. She doesn't say she is going out with 'friends' or 'the girls'. She says, I went with a few guys and girls. She is pretty good about it. And when she realizes she did something wrong, like: when we promised to not drink unless we were with each other. She called me up saying she had a beer and said she is sorry. She did it early into, so i would know she didn't have more. She does admit everything, and this is another thing I love about her.

 

ok, at a guys perspective, it seems pretty much hopeless, and is a very pessimistic view.

 

Need some input from women. If you were in my position what would you do? and if you were in her's, what would be the possabilities?

[Pained]

I have to disagree. I've broken up with boyfriends without having any prospects or anyone in the wings at all. And yes, I'm definitely a woman.

 

I also have some friends who are men, and they are JUST friends, meaning I have no feelings for them whatsoever. However, they get treated no differently than my other friends, and I don't especially look foward to hearing from them.

[H2WOMRWA]

exactly pained. i admit, i'm quite the jealous type, and would rather be mad and believe that they r not just friends. However, i also would like to believe they r just friends. I do take her word, and she does have many guy friends, and barely calls them. She didn't really talk to this guy until we broke up. (i checked her phone a few times because things started to get a little bad, and i was curious of why?) but found nothing. I guess she just wasn't feeling the love in the relationship. Anyways, thank you pained, you pretty much have the same views on guy friends as my ex did.

[H2WOMRWA]

However, maybe this still are just friends. Except at a guys point of view, friends is usuaully out of the question. BUt to the girl, it may seem like a friendship. Guys and girls consider flirting totally at a different level. When a guy is joking around 1 on 1 with another girl, usually we consider it flirting. However, a girl may just take it as friendly joking around. I don't know what to think from all this, or to do. ADVICE EVERYONE!?!?!?!?!

[CurlyIam]

I almost like your gf. What I don't like about her is the fact that she uses this other guy to get to you. I'm a girl and I either like a man or another one. If I don't know which one, I'm taking the time to choose.

 

Anyway, she did promise you a date, which is a good thing. But I think that after her little vacation, she'll know what she's looking for. Taking time away has the advantage of putting things into perspective.

 

 

If she doesn't call off the date, I say take her to a nice restaurant with worm atmosphere and delicious food.

 

Don't overdo it - I say no flowers, no gift. You are equals in this, all you are expected out of this dinner is to have a good time. Just delightful conversation, that's all!

 

If she sees that you're nervous, overattentive etc, she'll get uncomfortable. Plus you will give her an advantage over you. So I say play it cool and take it easy. Chill out, women like a confident man.

[liliales]

I read your post hoping that I could understand my BF bit better.

I noticed that you've never loved someone like her before you dated... have you been in a relationship over 3 months before you dated her?

 

I think I can understand your girl friend.

I am my boyfriend's first girlfriend, kiss, lover you know. We've dated for 4 months and I've started to get frustrated for things that he did. He didnt know how to treat a girl. I decided to be more understanding and help him how to treat girls and do things girls like. I tried to be blunt although all girl's dream is to have guys figure out what to do or get for the girl.

 

What bothered me was we had couple talks on breaking up becuase I couldnt handle it anymore. I just had to date a more sensitive and attentative guy. 6 months of dating and still no flowers. I gave him so many hints...

 

Anyway, he's from Utah and I'm there to study so I'm home away in Europe for the summer. I told him, maybe this 2 months break will help us realize what is what. I really loved him but there are things that creates a wall between us. Such as, I love ballroom dances and i'm social and outgoing. He is not. I love going to parties, he loves privacy. He'd rather be with me.

 

I dont know how differnet you are with your gf but how much you love her, you seem like my boyfriend. I'd get mad at him, and tell him harsh things and he asks for forgiveness for what he did wrong to make me mad and would love me anyway. I thought it was infatuation. I still am confused. Things about relationships are really hard to understand.

 

Most guys think simple. Most girls dont.

Many girls love romantic dinner and to have a fun date.

Get her a rose, (not too expensive.. one rose would do it..)

Eat somewhere you guys love going. There must have been a place you two went often during that 7 months.

(My bf and I just love going to Wendy's... I dont think romantic dinner has to be expensive. As long as there's a rose.. flowes are key to touching girl's heart. My bf's just very inexperienced. I did tell him that there's something I want if he wants to pick me up from the airport. He begged me if he could pick me up when I get back. So I gave him a hint.. something I like.. I guess I'm testing him. We'll see)

 

Picnic's cute too... make a sandwich for her. Cook. Girls love when guys cook for them.

What my bf learned to do was take me out to the canyons at night to show me the stars.

I dont know if you can see lots of stars where you are at but there's got to be a place with least amount of street lights where you can look up to the sky to see the stars. Turn up the car music.. ask her for a slow dance

Go bowling... or minigolfing... go watch The Notebook with her. I think all girls love that movie.

 

What confuse me in my relationships is... I only would get into a serious relationship if I saw a possibility of marrying the person. I hate break ups. Who doesnt. I've gone through few and I didnt want anymore.

I thought I only loved him because i felt pity for my bf.

Because i know it'd hurt him if i break up with him.

 

I'd say figure out what cause her feelings for you to go less...

If that didnt happen obviously she wouldnt have brought up the subject on breaking up.

 

I dont think it's taking an advantage if she ask you to do things for her. If she asks you to buy her too many things that probably is.

I've asked my bf to take a dance class... convinced him since the beginning... after 6 months.. he's decided to take it for at least 2 weeks.. I asked him to go make more friends while I'm gone.

Things like that dont hurt do they? I just want something good for him so I'll love him more. He sees us being together.. for me it's harder. He lacks a lot more things I want in a guy... I guess he doesnt see it that way.

 

First love is hard to forget.

And hurts than just casual dating.

I think that's what keeps me and my bf together...

It's been over 3 weeks I havent see him. We chat.. but I miss him a lot still.

A lot of things have happend during those weeks and lot of understanding had to take place. I am the least patient person. I'm very impatient in anything and.. he's kind of taught me to be patient.

Patience might be the key to everything.

 

Just wait for her to figure out what her heart really tells her...

Or wait till you find another lover.

I dont know what mine's going to be. My heart tells me he's not the one. But it also tells me that he'll change and be the one....

 

Good luck

-JS writing from Poland.

 

 

 

 

PS.

WRITE HER A POEM! I think it's VERRY Romantic if a guy writes a poem about her.

Like..

'your smile....

'the way you walk...

etc..

stuff about how much you know about her!!

 

[liliales]

I have lots of guy friends too.

Yes my bf does tell me he's jealous when I am talking to other guys at parties or so...

I think guys have to think of their situation.

You must have friends... and a female friend. You talk to her.. do you talk with feelings? Do you flirt with her around your girlfriend? I doubt it.

 

I dont see why you should be jealous when she's talking to her guy friends and not flirting just because she's taking few minutes not being attentative to you... just be more understanding.

Understand.. and patience i think that's the only way to solve relationships.

 

 

Originally posted by Pained

I have to disagree. I've broken up with boyfriends without having any prospects or anyone in the wings at all. And yes, I'm definitely a woman.

 

I also have some friends who are men, and they are JUST friends, meaning I have no feelings for them whatsoever. However, they get treated no differently than my other friends, and I don't especially look foward to hearing from them.

[H2WOMRWA]

Thank you for your advice... Here are some answers to your questions, and then maybe you could add something else. But your advice is good, i'll go through your whole post & react to them.

 

Originally posted by liliales

I noticed that you've never loved someone like her before you dated... have you been in a relationship over 3 months before you dated her?

 

> Yes infact the shortest was 5 months, then she was next shortest, with 7+ months, then i had a 8 month and one that lasted a year. The other ones I never really counted. But these were the most serious.

 

What bothered me was we had couple talks on breaking up becuase I couldnt handle it anymore. I just had to date a more sensitive and attentative guy. 6 months of dating and still no flowers. I gave him so many hints...

 

> Also, she did the same thing. I got her flowers once, on valentines day. And it wasn't even a dozen roses. I guess I was stupid. I could have saved a few bucks to get her roses, but never really took the effort to save my money for her. I feel soo bad, and she always hinted to me to get her them.

 

Most guys think simple. Most girls dont.

 

>Most girls aren't simple and this is true. But she is, and that's what makes her different from most girls.

 

Get her a rose, (not too expensive.. one rose would do it..)

 

>The 1 rose thing is a great idea. Is a color other than red better? Something that is significant. Cause then in the future when I get her roses, I can stick a rose of this color in there to make it special. So she can remember this date, and how special it was.

 

Eat somewhere you guys love going.

 

> We didn't go out to eat much. She isn't the type to go to restaurants. She says she doesn't like them because she feels she has to act different at places. She doesn't like fancy restaurants, no cheap restaurants. Eating at restaurants with her is rare.

 

Picnic's cute too... make a sandwich for her. Cook. Girls love when guys cook for them.

 

>I'm going to make some type of pasta or something. Also a sandwich. Then just bring some fruit or something. Also, the notebook movie. She has been begging me to see that. I never brought her to see it when we were going out. Now I feel like an ass after you say how girls love this movie. Were going up to the state park and having this picnic. Then just walk on the trails. And at night, were going to the drive-in movie theatre up there. So the whole thing will be there. It is a hour away, but it will be worth it. Hopefully they r playing the notebook. It's a double feature.

 

WRITE HER A POEM! I think it's VERRY Romantic if a guy writes a poem about her.

Like..

'your smile....

'the way you walk...

etc..

stuff about how much you know about her!!

 

>want to help me with this one? lol. I aint the poem type, but I would do it to get her back. Also, I burned her a cd full of her favorite and some new country songs. She loves country. Infact, i hated country, but since I've been with her, I love it now. Since we broke up, thats all i listen to. No more rap or classic rock, or punk. Country is all about what were going through, and maybe it will help her realize. Plus, i think this is kind of sweet. Infact, I think I could write a song for her in a few days. If you help me with the poem, I can write music for it, and make a song for her. Put it on the cd. Would this be sweet?

 

Please respond back liliales. I like the way you think, and you have a good attitude and outlook on life.

[liliales]

I guess even with number of experiences, everyone goes through the same things...

I guessed you havent dated anyone.

 

- Color of the Rose... Do you know her favorite color? If it's an odd rose color.. like green or black or brown.. i know that at flower stores, they dye flowers in to different colors. Orange, Blue, even Green... check it out at the grocery stores like Walmart..

 

- Yeah.. definately, then ask if she's seen notebook yet. if not, you should go...

 

- If she thinks simple.. does she like surprises?

 

- Does she like to sing? That's funny she likes country music. I like listening to country but my bf hasnt really thought of liking it... that's cool you changed. You should include that in the poem.

Like.. 'if you think I dont think about you, why would i be listening to country music.' something like that. I'm not really good at writing poems either...

 

If you can sing... and compose, I'd say that's better! I think it's always cute if a guy writes a song for a girl and plays guitar and sings it to her. You can record it and burn it onto a cd. So she can keep lisening to it. If you have the tools to do it. That'd be cool.

 

If you want me to help you with the poem... ideas..

Write here why you think she is special to you,

what makes her different,

list of things that you are attracted to her. Her laugh, fuzzy hair? maybe.. pimple? (I tell my bf how cute his pimples look like.. hehe..cheesy i know but still something like that shows how much you know the person)

Things you tease her about her that makes her laugh (does she like being tickled?)

Things that made her laugh (times when both of you were happy)

Things that made her cry (so you can say I'm sorry and please forgive me)

 

It'd be also cute to put in a part how you noticed her first time and talked to her.. or first date..

 

Important thing.. list of things how she made you become a better person.

 

I'll try to make one up.. and you can edit it the way you want.

when's the date? when do you need it by?

 

Good luck!

[H2WOMRWA]

Do u have email? or a messanger service such as aim, yahoo, icq, or msn? Any way we can quick text? OTherwise email will do.

 

Anyways, yes I would love for u to help me write a poem. I would need it by sunday. And u said i haven't dated. I dated tons of times, but only made it serious with like no more than 10.

 

If there are any other convinient ways to talk, please message back...

 

Well, message back anyways, and we'll keep in contact about it. If she takes me back, I will Love U! lol. Anyways, i'll always keep u updated from here on out.

[liliales]

you can email me to [email protected]

[H2WOMRWA]

Well, she is back from camp. However, she didn't call me right away. I texted messaged her earlier to remind her to call me around my break. She did call around that time though. And then she had to go cause she was spending time with her family. I heard her mom yelling in the background to me, so I knew it wasn't an excuse. Anyways, she called me again, about 9, and I was busy so I told her I would call right back. I did call back, and she was on her way to the fair to meet some friends. Is she really meeting this guy there, or her friends? What should I believe? Does this show she isn't really interested in me or not. Because I think if she was interested, she would have tryed to talk to me longer until she got to the fair. But she said she had to let me go cause her phone keeps dying and she is on her way to the fair. She asked me to call her back tomorrow, because she would be out late, and I said what about you call me tonight after the fair and she said thats fine. However, didn't seem to interested in talking, but I don't know if the hurry to the fair and phone dying was an excuse. You would think if she thought about it and wanted me back she would be all interested to talk to me and stuff. But maybe she just made plans already. I think she asked me to call her back tomorrow because she figured I would be sleeping cause I have work at 4am. But, I am now staying up waiting for her to call. What should I think? And what should I do?

 

Does it seem about time for me to use the no contact rule, well only answer her calls, and not call her?

[liliales]

You are going on the date this sunday? Right?

I say just dont contact her for a day or till the night before the date... to see if she'll call wondering what's up.

If she doesnt.. that'd be sad.

If she does, that does mean she's somewhat thinking about you.

 

I never got your email... I guess you're giving a second thought about the poem/song..

I wont be able to help cause I'm leaving on a two week trip and wont have access to the internet.

 

But, I wish you all the best with your upcoming date.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

-JS.

[H2WOMRWA]

Here's the update. I talked to her tonight, and earlier she was pissed at me. She told me she just wanted to go no the date so I would quit bugging her. But now, we are gonna actually go on the date as just friends. And if being friends with her is what it takes to prove I love her, and I really want to be with her, Then i will do it. I've never been friends with my ex's before, so I know it's gonna put me to the test. But it will test my love for her. If I can do it, then I really do love her. So here is what it is gonna be. I am gonna go on the date as friends, maybe she will realize I'm willing to be friends with her, and make her think. I won't call her however, but wait as she calls me. She called me tonight, because she went to me to talk to. She could have called anyone else, but called me. She just wanted to talk to someone on her way home from this party she was at. And she chose me. Obviously, there is some feelings in her for me yet. And I know I still got to work on being a better person, but to be honest, I have noticed that I changed alot just to be with her. And if being friends is what it takes to prove to her I changed, then I will have to do it. Because I love her, and this is taking all my love to do it.

 

Any replies would be nice...

[crazydawg]

ur girl is using you. Stop calling her and then you'll see.... who comes running back once a girl knows they can have u its over...

[H2WOMRWA]

so you think because i call her she thinks she has me kind of under her control. And can manipulate our relationship at any time? So like whenever she needs me i'll be there? Is this what ur getting at?

 

Anyways, so what ur saying is if i stop calling, then she loses the control and comes running back to me?

 

Please verify if I am taking this the right way

[H2WOMRWA]

well, we talked today, and at first she blew up at me. I asked her why since we broke up she has always been crabby to me and all her friends. She said she doesn't know. I suggested maybe it was the breakup, and she got soo frustrated and hung up. Then I called her back, saying I was sorry to talk about that stuff, and she asked why couldn't I have changed then for her instead of now. And been as nice as I am now back then. And she was getting all choked up and started crying. And she is like, why couldn't u have done all this then, and how its too late now. Obviously she knows its not too late, and she is saying this so that I try harder. I think deep down she wants to be with me, but she wants to prove to herself that she can stay strong, and go against her feelings. And prove to her friends that she can be without me. BUt why would she do this?

[liliales]

Hey, sorry i couldnt help you two weeks ago. i ended up going on a road trip for two weeks and couldnt get internet access...

How are you doing with your ex? She probably does still have interest in you... if you keep trying, she'll come back. I just had a big fight with my bf... i told him i hated him because he hasnt text messaged me or wrote me for few days since I am away.. or didnt even call me and i really wanted to break up. But he's (whatcha call it... persuasiveness??) pretty stubborn and wont give up on me.

 

let me know if you need any help.

-JS

[too sad to think xx3]

well a little about myself, my name is stephanie i was in the softball little leauge world series for 13-14 years old, well we came in second place in the world we lost to virginia.. grrrr. i also play soccer, basketballs and track im on 3 soccer teams, south central priemer, CFC, and my JH team.my ex boyfriends name is nick hes sooooo hot and athletic and really tan and smart. my "bestfriend" is taylor.

 

my bf just broke up with me and im soo sad and now he likes my best friend.. and taylor who i thought was my best friend is in complete love with nick-my ex bf- me and nick were going out sence july 3, 2005 and i took our relationship for total granted i did not know what i had untill i lost it..=( i cry every single day..nicks in every single one of my classes in school and when i see him i get soo sad. i really dont know why he dumped me.. sorry about you and your ex gf im sad too dont worry everything will turn out good dont worry