Sameold Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 It's the ex LTR gf of 4 years 25th birthday on Tuesday. I've been trying my best to move on and the only contact I have had with her has been by e-mail about the flat we were renting. Middle of this month the flat is done and the arrangements are already in place about furniture etc. Will this help provide further closure? At the moment I live there by myself. I've no idea why I would want to text her? She hurt me so much and ended our relationship very cowardly in true GIGS style having started a new job and llived together for 6 months. It was like the commuting and everything got too tough and she saw an easier, greener field and left. This was in May. I also know she was lining her life up for after me for a few weeks before the split as I busted a very distasteful fb conversation between her and a guy she is now most likely in a relationship with despite her being adamant no one else was at all involved. Emotional cheating basically. The split was messy and I know she was hurt at the end too, but that's because the truth and guilt hurts... and I made sure she knew. I gave her one month to see sense and like I say the only contact then has been business driven e-mails. She is blocked on fb and has been since the line was drawn. Still see the odd pic pop up though that gets to me. So why the hell am I even thinking about the birthday? I am dating another girl who I like more and more every time I see her and we deserve a chance...I guess I'm not really 100% over the ex even though its now over 3 months since split and basically 2 months NC.
Dblock10 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 sameold you gave me good advice, listen to your own, why would you want to hear from your ex knowing the night before some guy was doing her from behind.. pay attention to new girl
winstonsdreams Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Ok i have to add my 2 cents. Even though i dumped my ex gf, i regretted it big time. It was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, i loved her and still do. She wished me Happy Birthday 3 weeks after we broke up, and was still cut up about our breakup, and it made me feel like absolute ***t. However she got into a relationship 2 weeks after that, which really cut me deep. I tried getting back with her and she told me to move on because she had done the same. ANYWAY the point i am getting at is her birthday came and went a few weeks ago, I am in strict NC now and as hard as it was i remained quiet. She is not a part of my life anymore and as Dblock10 put it why would you want to hear from your ex knowing the night before some guy was doing her from behind.. Don't contact her, move on, she is in the past mate. ***k her
pathetic1999 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Ok i have to add my 2 cents. Even though i dumped my ex gf, i regretted it big time. It was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, i loved her and still do. She wished me Happy Birthday 3 weeks after we broke up, and was still cut up about our breakup, and it made me feel like absolute ***t. However she got into a relationship 2 weeks after that, which really cut me deep. I tried getting back with her and she told me to move on because she had done the same. ANYWAY the point i am getting at is her birthday came and went a few weeks ago, I am in strict NC now and as hard as it was i remained quiet. She is not a part of my life anymore and as Dblock10 put it why would you want to hear from your ex knowing the night before some guy was doing her from behind.. Don't contact her, move on, she is in the past mate. ***k her If you realized you made a mistake why didn't you take her back when she texted you?
Trimmer Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I've no idea why I would want to text her? So don't do it. Don't overthink it - there's nothing good that could come of it. Just don't do it. If you need one more opinion to consider, check in with your new girl, and see what she thinks. That should help put things in perspective.
Author Sameold Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Sometimes it just helps to write it down. Dblock I know what you mean, my advice is really ingrained in my head and truth be told I was never going to text her, though it annoys me that part of me wants to...guess I still love what we had, not what she is now. Should I commit to this new girl even though I'm clearly not 100% over her? I don't think I will be over her for a long long time and whilst I'm happy to go complete nc surely I should be trying to let myself love again?
Renard99 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) Should I commit to this new girl even though I'm clearly not 100% over her? I don't think I will be over her for a long long time and whilst I'm happy to go complete nc surely I should be trying to let myself love again? Be very careful entering this territory and I say this out of experience. It's an absolute minefield. I wasn't 100% over my ex when I met a new girl and this caused so much emotional confusion, and, even though I felt like I could cope with it and deserved to love again, it ultimately made that period really stressful for me. The new girl blew my ex out of the water, and the more I learnt about her, the more I wanted to be with her..... yet I continually compared her to my ex and that wasn't fair on her. My ex even got back into contact with me wanting to try again not long after I met the new girl (9 months after the breakup), and, for a split second, I considered it and was torn between two women, and the new girl sensed something was wrong with me (although I never told her, I lied and said my ex was messing me around with a business matter that was still hanging about and was nothing to worry about). I'm not saying that will happen for you, but it can and again....... stressful. What I'm trying to say is that it can really mess with your head, even if you say to yourself 'I can deal with it' like I did. When it comes to feelings for the ex, always keep in mind 'is this fair on the new girl?' and 'is she getting the best of me?'. If you can't always answer 'yes' to those, and you must be honest with yourself, then you really need to reconsider moving on with the new relationship. p.s As for that new girl? Well we just celebrated 1 year together, so proof that you can pull through... just be very mindful as you navigate those early minefields. Edited September 3, 2012 by Renard99
smokey bear Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Sometimes it just helps to write it down. Dblock I know what you mean, my advice is really ingrained in my head and truth be told I was never going to text her, though it annoys me that part of me wants to...guess I still love what we had, not what she is now. Should I commit to this new girl even though I'm clearly not 100% over her? I don't think I will be over her for a long long time and whilst I'm happy to go complete nc surely I should be trying to let myself love again? Here's a question for you and should help you decide if you should commit. If your ex came back, changed, learned her lesson and done everything in her power to get you back, would you go? If the answer is yes, you shouldnt commit. Its not fair on the new girl 2
Author Sameold Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Here's a question for you and should help you decide if you should commit. If your ex came back, changed, learned her lesson and done everything in her power to get you back, would you go? If the answer is yes, you shouldnt commit. Its not fair on the new girl hmmm interesting. I don't know. My boundaries are such that if she slept with someone else then we are toast forever...she will have done as she was dating the guy she was messaging from work only weeks or less from the split (yet she continually denied anyone else was involved haha - bitch). In reality there's no going back, I miss what we had not the person she became..she's incredibly stubborn anyway, she'd never lose face. I need to give this new girl a chance...and more importantly myself.
Author Sameold Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 Well guys I didn't text her for the whole of today.... Today has been hard but really now her birthday just has to be another day in my life. I moved the fridge out of the flat we were sharing today too and in just over a week I'll have moved out. That will be in then, nothing linking us at all. It's hard but the NC tactics I have stuck to are helping...
KS11 Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Someone on here a while back gave me some good advice, which although i failed to follow (im a sucker for punishment), made a lot of sense. Basically they said that these days, like birthdays, christmas, valentines days etc are the few days out of the year that we get to claw back a little bit of dignity. No doubt our ex's are expecting us to cave in and wish them well on these days, but by not doing so it shows, however insignificant it may seem, that we are stronger than they think! Im pretty sure the person who gave me this little advice explained it a lot better than that! Massive effort on staying NC though...youre a stronger man than i am!
winstonsdreams Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Sameold you did the right thing, well done on staying strong! KS11 hit the nail on the head.
GLDheart Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Here's a way to warm you up: Go outside and spend a moment alone in reflection. Light a small fire or bring a big candle. Take out a paper and pen and right to her. Be genuine. Say what you really would say to her. Hold nothing back. Read back to yourself what you wrote... Then burn that letter. Turn your back and let the past lie in ashes. Now, head back in and kiss your new girl. 1
Author Sameold Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 The thing is I did spend a month trying to get her back to no avail, tried it all, nc lc and even appearing with flowers despite her cowardish behaviour. I am proud that I did try and fix things, could they ever have been fixed? Probably not but at least I tried to save 4 good years of a ltr. But then I drew the line and that has been it....it's still so hard but nc is only way to get your self respect and show them that you are strong. I know the ex will have noticed no text from me came yesterday whatever her situation but hey what does that matter anyway I guess...
winstonsdreams Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Damn straight she noticed, trust me you made a point. You can hold your head up high. YOU are the bigger person here, now focus on you and moving on, we are all here for you.
Author Sameold Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Hi winston, do you really think she noticed? I hope so. I did try and save things but I think I did the right thing drawing the line. It will never make sense to me why she did this, we generally had a great relationship and people even used to say it. It is so very sad that she cowarded out without even saying anything when it got tough, I really hate what she became. I'm finding it hard to click with the new girl but it's hard because work means I can't see her much. I met the ex at uni where everything was much easier. Any advice?
winstonsdreams Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Well to be honest your situation and mine were totally different, i actually broke up with my ex gf, and regretted it and tried to get her back. She already had a new bf after 6 weeks though, so i kind of let her birthday pass out of respect for her, being the idiot dumper. But you don't owe your ex anything man, she hurt you and you made a statement by not saying anything to her, whether she cared or not only she knows. Look man as far as your new relationship goes, if it feels right go for it. I personally tried a rebound thing a month ago and it was awful, but if your new girl is nice and treating you right and making you happy, then see where it goes you never know.
Author Sameold Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 I guess as the dumpee we see the girl go off and perhaps go in to another relationship. I guess if what you had was good then they don't just forget but they must also know they ended it and I bet many many dumpers out there that do end it but never have the balls or strength to go and try to fix it even if they felt they made a mistake. We assume the dumper is always happy but it must play on their mind too.
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