Lonely Ronin Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I meet a woman shortly after new years through a mutual friend, and we dated exclusively for 3 months. Our relationship ended because of a death in her family that required her to move home (several hundred miles away). We both felt that we didn’t know each other well enough to do anything rash, but as the same time felt a sense of loss. One of things she lamented about was the timing of us meeting. Why couldn't it have been earlier or later in life. We haven't seen each other in almost 6 months, and we have kind of kept in touch through Facebook and the occasional text or phone call. She was one of the first people to call when my grandfather died. We have both moved on, but at the same time haven't. She knows I have dated other people since, and I'm pretty sure she has as well. From my side no one I have meet has even come close to comparing to her. It took me a while to admit it to myself, but I got closer to her in 3 months than I did with me ex fiancee in 3 years. It feels as if we want to stay connected, but are both afraid to do so. Deep down I know the chances of anything ever happening between us are next to nothing so I have tried to put it behind me. I've communicated less, continued my search for a new job, dated of other people and generally just focused on other aspects of my life. Then this morning right as I was walking out the door to go visit as friend, I got a text from her (it's been 2 months). It was just a hey, I was doing this and it made me think of you text. I was late, but I told her I would call her soon so we could catch up, and she said she was looking forward to it. Anyone ever dealt with something like this before? My logical side says only heartbreak and pain for both of us can come, from continued communication, but my heart doesn't really want to let her slip completely out of my life. As I type this, just thinking about a trivial thing she used to do, makes me sad, and miss her a lot more than I think I should.
tigressA Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I really think you should go for it. See what happens. Read your signature...I think you will regret it if you don't try. 4
Author Lonely Ronin Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 I really think you should go for it. See what happens. Read your signature...I think you will regret it if you don't try. True, but I have already put it all on the line a couple of times in my life, and it has never turned out well in the end. But on the other hand, just the way she would hug me give me a kiss and say hi when we hadn't seen each other in a few days, always made me so calm relaxed and happy at the same time.
amythan Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I can relate with this. Something similar is happening to me right now and i think you should go for it. If you do not take the risk you cannot win. I really hope my bf is willing to take the risk too
Author Lonely Ronin Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 the texting continued tonight, so this is the most communication we've had in 6 months. I'm definety need to make a decision some time sion so I don't go crazy.
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Yes something like this happened to me before and I have no regrets for going after it, he has made me to be a much better person than I was before. Would you mind telling me why she had to move? Is she the main breadwinner in her family?
the ill-made knight Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I think sometimes in life we just have to bet it all. Most times we lose, but the times we win more than make up for the losses. 1
Author Lonely Ronin Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Is she the main breadwinner in her family? One of her siblings died unsuspectingly and tragically, so she moved home to help emotional support her parents. She also did it for herself, the death kind of shook her and made her want to be closer to her family. She's the small town girl that escaped small town life as soon as she could.
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) I asked because I was wondering why she had to break it off with you. Why didn't she just go home for a month? I don't know how much life she had built where you met and whether she wanted to move home as well anyway. Edited September 3, 2012 by Emilia
Author Lonely Ronin Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 I asked because I was wondering why she had to break it off with you. Why didn't she just go home for a month? I don't know how much life she had built where you met and whether she wanted to move home as well anyway. I don't want to get to deeply into her family history/dynamic, but she moved home for probably like a year or two (her time frame). I can tell you one thing for sure, she didn't wan't to move home. she is literally the girl who graduated high school, and got as far as way she could.
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I can tell you one thing for sure, she didn't wan't to move home. she is literally the girl who graduated high school, and got as far as way she could. What I'm thinking here (and the reason for the family dynamic questions) is that she doesn't sound emotionally resilient, especially if she moved home due to pressure from her family (rather than because she wanted to). You want to be clear what attracted you to her but I'm not sure she is the kind of person you can count on in a major crisis.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 What I'm thinking here (and the reason for the family dynamic questions) is that she doesn't sound emotionally resilient, especially if she moved home due to pressure from her family (rather than because she wanted to). You want to be clear what attracted you to her but I'm not sure she is the kind of person you can count on in a major crisis. The move was more due to a feeling of duty, as she is the strong will one who can handle anything. That's one of the things that attracted me to her in the first place. We are both very strong willed people, but at the same time broke through each others armor fairly easily. It's something we talked about early on. the fact that we made each other so comfortable, it's not something either of us have had happen very often..
Emilia Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 The move was more due to a feeling of duty, as she is the strong will one who can handle anything. That's one of the things that attracted me to her in the first place. We are both very strong willed people, but at the same time broke through each others armor fairly easily. It's something we talked about early on. the fact that we made each other so comfortable, it's not something either of us have had happen very often.. There is something I don't like about that, I can't explain. I think it reminds me of someone an ex of mine talked about. He described her as strong as well when in fact she gave in to her family and gave him up - or at least that was the way I saw it. Perspectives differ perhaps.
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