jocy_20 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 My boyfriend lost my trust, simple as that. He didn't cheat physically but to me whether you meant to say something to someone or not, especially to an ex..it's violating and hurtful. A few days ago I found that he had FB, we agree that we do not have any dealings with FB. In his words, he said that FB is nothing but crap, people use it to do sneaky things and connect with old flings and friends. Anyway he was messaging an ex, the things were disgusting and violating, I do not want to say the things but you get the picture. I confronted him about the things and the fact that he lied about having a FB page. I left him and well he was crying and trying to explain but he knew that nothign he said could change what I felt and saw. He was crying and told me that the reason why he said the things he said to her was because she threatened to come down to his house while i was their to break us up by lieing whatever. I said still, it's fu**ed up, why did you have the page anyway and why were you two talking? He said it was a mistake and he didn't want shi* to hit the ceiling, he said he had bad judgement. I told him off about how he's a hypocrite and how defensive he was and that I knew something bad was going on, I felt it in my gut. I asked if they ever met up or had sex while we were together and he said no. He was just telling her what she wanted to hear to keep her away. He wasn't making any sense at all. After asking and asking him, he just admitted that it was a mistake and that he didn't know why he did it and he is really sorry. I asked him if he was over her and if he loved me and he said he's over her, he was ****ty for what he did and he want to be with me. So, what I'm wondering is that..I forgive him...it's going to take more than words to fix it and things will never be the same, BUT..all I feel like doing is slapping the shi* out of him and hurting him like he hurt me. I don't want to stoop low like him..but that's how I feel. He said he will do anything to make things right but I'm so hurt and disappointed because of what he did, we aren't in each others prescence, and it's making me more anxious to see if he's really sorry. People make mistakes, I've made mine but I can't deal with the lies. I want to go to couples counseling but he doesn't want to pay for it. I was wondering if their is any affordable counseling or free. I do not need anyone to tell me to dump him until the time to see if he is going to change. I will update after some time if he's made effort or not then I will accept all opinions and advice. Any questions can be asked, I do not mind answering Q.'s if anyone need more detail about the situation.
I'm nuts Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Revenge really is a waste of energy, why? what for? just let it go. It is as useful as fakebook and dating sites.
Author jocy_20 Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 I know it would be a waste of time, I'm just saying what I feel like doing. I'm letting what he did go but I'm still upset..it just happened a few days ago.
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I will just say one thing, and one thing only: I am so glad you're not pregnant right now. I'm sorry this happened to you. 2
Radu Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Did he give you access to FaceBook to read the message history between them ? I don't want to be an ass, so don't interpret it as such, but what if you had been pregnant now ?
Kilikina Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I think the only person who can decide how to proceed is you. If you love him and think this was just one small Indiscretion then accept that and move forward together. If this is only one more lie on the pile then you need to look at the big picture and realize someone else will only treat you as badly as you will let them. Revenge will not fix the Hurt and definitely will not fix the problem; revenge is just an immature way of hurting someone who Hurt you and if this is something you feel you need to do then I think you need to seriously evaluate your relationship and If it's right. Loving someone means not wanting to Hurt someone because they have hurt you it means loving them through the faults and helping them and yourself be healthy and happy.
Author jocy_20 Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 Did he give you access to FaceBook to read the message history between them ? I don't want to be an ass, so don't interpret it as such, but what if you had been pregnant now ? I think I would have been devestated. & he gave me the password but he didn't say "look through my messeges." He said the password is the same for everything and he told me.
Author jocy_20 Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 I think the only person who can decide how to proceed is you. If you love him and think this was just one small Indiscretion then accept that and move forward together. If this is only one more lie on the pile then you need to look at the big picture and realize someone else will only treat you as badly as you will let them. Revenge will not fix the Hurt and definitely will not fix the problem; revenge is just an immature way of hurting someone who Hurt you and if this is something you feel you need to do then I think you need to seriously evaluate your relationship and If it's right. Loving someone means not wanting to Hurt someone because they have hurt you it means loving them through the faults and helping them and yourself be healthy and happy. I was thinking of that..everyone makes mistakes but I just need compfort and support from people who have been through this and give a little guidance in how to get past it and move forward. I want to move forward. He said he was really sorry and that it won't happen again.
lovehurts82 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) I do not need anyone to tell me to dump him until the time to see if he is going to change. Just a few things to think about. If you continue on in this situation and you let this go and there's really no consequences.. meaning.. you just let this go and forgive, what makes you think that there won't be further instances of things like this.. or that he won't come up with another excuse for betraying you and your relationship? How can he know that you are serious about this and be able to respect you if you allow him to do this to you and you simple forgive him and let it go? My ex fiance swore to me there was nothing going on with he and another girl when on a car ride home one night this "friend" of his was holding and rubbing his hand. He chalked it up to having "made a mistake". I was upset about it.. confronted him. He cried.. said he was sorry.. they were just drunk. After an argument and then a few talks, we decided to try and work through it and I'd try and forgive it and let it go. He breaks up with me a week later.. and a week after that.. he's engaged to that chick. He promised you it'd never happen again.. mine promised to love me forever.. would never break up with me.. asked my parents' permission to marry me.. and look where got believing promises got me when I believed them over my gut. I'm sorry to perhaps be too cynical or jaded, but your bf's excuse sounds lame as $hit to me. So after the two of you agreed to no facebooking, he breaks the agreement and does it anyhow, sneaking it behind your back. "Mistake" number one. So then.. he basically cybers his ex because she threatened to come to his house and try and break the two of you up? Or spread lies? Where's THAT message from her on his facebook? Or text? Surely if those other messages were around in conversation her threats would be as well? And if he was worried about her trying to do just that, he would have saved them to show you as proof. Mistake number two. I'm sorry.. but I couldn't be foolish enough to just forgive this and move on. Not without letting him go to really PROVE to me it wouldn't happen again.. and not sure how exactly that one would do that. I would forever be questioning and wondering what he was doing away from me, who he was texting, chatting with, etc. Edited September 2, 2012 by lovehurts82 1
Author jocy_20 Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 How do I let him know that I'm serious about the consequences? What we're doing now far as repairing and gaining trust is changing how things went on in the relationship, things that should have been done in the beginning. I'm not letting him off with the "forgive and forget" and "moving forward" notion. He is going to show me and earn my respect other than given to him as before. Our whole relationship went backwards and fast somewhat. I told him that I don't know if I can forget what he done and it will take some time and he said he will wait for me and that he want to make it work. I'm going to be more firm and stick by guns with pretty much taking things day by day and if I don't feel or see a difference, I'm letting it go. About facebook, in the beginning of the relationship we really didn't discuss no facebook but I did bring up a little later about me deleting FB before I started college this passing spring semester and he said that he don't do facebook, making it seem as if he never had it. I deleted this before I met him but after we discussed fb he was all stern in saying that i cannot have fb and i said he can't play online gaming with people and he said it's not the same and it is, to me. So...i deactivated my account after I found out what he did on ps3 out of spite to prove a point. He don't know or didn't know i had it and i lied and said i didn't have one when he asked again :\ I know it wasn't right but he made me mad and hurt me from what he did. I feel like if i never deactivated my fb, I would have never knew what he was doing..so it looks bad on both sides. It still doesn't give him a right to talk to his ex..I didn't look up or talk to my ex when I had my fb..i just wanted to keep in touch with my classmates and friends because i was in college and needed friend support.
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