Tirai Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 After the breakup year ago we spoke over phone every now and then, met twice. We spent both meetings talking for hours. They filed a divorce and he left country over a job. He said he'll contact me when the divorce is final. He messaged me about once a month until lately he's been more active and then he called. It's final and he loves me but is still healing over the divorce. I did not comment much on the love you and other stuff. The other stuff was pretty hardcore future planning. I mean, we had the affair for few months. Even i fell for him hard back then after all this time and some twists on the road i don't even know if i knew him at all. If he's worth the trust letting him into my life at any level more than occasional talks, if even that. And now he just lets me know how things are going to be after he comes back. He didn't ask me how i feel or what i want. He assumes, but doesn't ask or listen when i tell. My response was blocking all contact. Why? At this point? I've come a good way after the A ended. Am out of the fog and i see this man more by his actions. The trust issue and walking over me -he behaves like an arse and sweettalk wont change that. 4
sad puppy Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Right on, I applaud you!!!! You're an inspiration to many! 1
Spark1111 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 You are one smart cookie! Be proud of yourself. Listen to all his nonsense. But do not FEED it! You know how you judge a man's character? By HIS ACTIONS. Not his sweet talk. Men are about actions, not talk. KEEP leaning back. You are doing great girl.
strongnrelaxed Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I agree with the supportive words that have been shared here. What I hope to convey is a sense of balance. For every OM/OW there is an OM/OW. Too often those who are hurt demonize the other. Unfortunately this takes on the tone of man bashing. Remember that there are several people involved here and two of them (it appears) are women. While this guy may be messed up, it would be harmful to young women who are reading this to suggest that women are the victims of men's bad judgment or predations or that they are the weaker sex that needs to be protected from evil men. No one said this here, I am just trying to help balance the conversation. Men are about actions. And sweet talk is what we do. But women also have control and can exercise it too. If you learn this lesson, then perhaps something good can come from this and your life will truly be better going forward. Don't judge - analyze.
whichwayisup Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 And now he just lets me know how things are going to be after he comes back. He didn't ask me how i feel or what i want. He assumes, but doesn't ask or listen when i tell. Both you and his wife (well now exW) are better off without him. He sounds like a very self absorbed person.
veryhappy Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) What exactly did he do wrong? He came to you after one year, divorced and ready to be with you. This is what most OW crying their eyes out and having their hearts broken are hoping for around here. If he's notasking you what you want, it must be that all your discussions had led him to believe that you were still interested. That during your conversations you haven't actually said "hey I kind of moved on...i don't know if I want to be with you". I understand you were hurt, but what exactly is the truth here? Edited September 3, 2012 by cutedragon
Author Tirai Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) The original thought with this post was to say to those still in the turmoil: it does get better, and you will come out of it. If you choose to. Glad if some found that from it. Strongnrelaxed. Never thought it would sound like bashing or any of those things you mention. Certainly not my intention. Good comments, thanks for your input. No, i did not discuss, agree or lead him to believe i would put my life on hold and wait for him incase he would some day find it suitable to come around. I have not and will not and have made it perfectly clear to him. Now one year later, after random messages and few talks he thinks it's okay to assume i would do just that. And continue doing so, for his job at the end of the world lasts for 2 more years. What did he do wrong? He behaved like an arse, that's what he did wrong. I agree i could have been bit less of an arse and explain to him why i was blocking him. Sorry the language and the tone but this just gets me that way. This is not to bash men. There are good ones, brilliant ones. This is about one man who made 2 mistakes and one woman who made 1 mistake. That's all. Take care ** edit: LFH, good for you if you always know what you are doing I clearly don't. To me the fog was real. No, I am not married. Edited September 3, 2012 by Tirai forgot to answer a question
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