Eagle55 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 If you haven't been following my story/break-up please look back at my past posts. However, for a short run down here you go. The NEW is bolded below. My ex of 2+ years broke up with out of the blue saying the "I'm not happy, don't know if I am in love anymore, and not sure if we are right for each other spill". After taking a little time to think it over she confirmed the break-up. We are both college graduates living in my home town where the college is. Her family is around 4 hours away. She got a job teaching after graduation and we basically lived together (unofficially) for some time. She was my first "true" love and we had a great, mature, healthy relationship. 2 months prior to the split she mentioned she didn't know if she felt the same way...this was in May. We had a few odd days after that but everything seemed to be okay and pan out. Then after returning from a weekend together where everything seemed fine she broke the news of being unhappy. After the breakup in late June I was shocked and broken...no one friends and family included saw this coming. We always heard we were the perfect couple. Looking back I can now see warming signs but at the time they weren't really brought to my attention. As I mentioned previously she had communication problems...in the sense that if something bothered her she would hold it in rather than discuss it. She got better as the relationship went on but her family has always had communication problems. So long story short, I did everything I could initially to try and get her back...begged, told her I saw the problems, etc. After a few weeks of LC where I was trying to get her back I realized she was very cold when talking to me. The week after the break-up she was all smiley faces in texts, funny, calling old names, etc. and I really thought we could work it out. However, after a week is when she officially said she didn't see it working and didn't think she was in love. So I was destroyed and did all the things I just mentioned. I remained in LC for around 2 1/2 weeks and all the while composing a journal of what problems I had found in the relationship and how they needed to be fixed. It was a honest account of everything and it really did address all the problems but I wish I could take writing it back. I gave it to her close to a month after the breakup where it she said it was a bad idea before even seeing it. However, she took it and I have no clue if she ever really read it. After that I decided to do a little research and realized I had done a lot of things backwards. I knew I couldn't take it back so I said what's next? I then realized I was gonna go NC to help discover what problems there were in the relationship, work on myself physically, mentally, etc. After 5 weeks of NC and working on myself I realized I had been very unhappy with myself in the relationship and that came back on her. I quit doing the little things that mattered, didn't make things special, the spark went out in short. During NC I opened lines of communication with old friends, worked out, got back into church, etc. I feel awesome but after all of that I still missed her and realized it was worth trying. During NC I never got a call, text, or social network message from her. I didn't expect it but it would have been nice to see she had maybe realized it wasn't the best decision. However, I know her well and she usually is firm once she does something, but I just hoped she realized this wasn't what she wanted. So after being split up for over 2+ months and 5 weeks of NC, I decided to open lines of communication and feel out the situation. I called her on a Thursday where I planned to keep call light and short. She answered and we talked about her new students, family, and basically how she had been. We had a dog together and that was something else we talked about b/c I haven't seen her since I started NC. She didn't seem as cold as before where it always seemed she was trying to be firm and make her point...without giving me any hope. This call was a little awkward in the sense it was the first time we had talked in a while and it wasn't our usual talk. After a few minutes of chatting I mentioned a show my band (manage) was playing in town and one of her favorite places. The main reason I did this was because it was harmless and she has been hanging out with a lot of mutual friends who I knew were coming to the show. I figured it would take the awkwardness of her coming if she felt comfortable since I invited her. Anyways, she said Yea I might do that...and I left it at that. I never got my hopes up but the couple she has been hanging out with did come but she didn't. I didn't think anything of her not coming other than maybe she felt it was too soon or was tired. She had been hanging out with that couple the night before. So about five days later I sent a simple text asking if she had a good day even with all the nasty weather. I got no response. I saw she had a status up minutes after the text. Some people tell me it isn't based toward me but I am hard pressed to see how it couldn't be. The status said something along these lines: I need two arms to hold me not own me and a man to stand beside me not in front or behind me (song lyrics). I knew what I sent was simple, had no inclination of me trying to get back with her. She of course could of felt that was the case and didn't want to get that started up. However, she preached how we would be "friends" once some time went by and I could accept it. I am past the point of accepting the break-up but still have feeling for her of course. I reached out to my friend whose g/f is her "new" best friend b/c I feel he will keep it covert. He told me that she had mentioned coming to the show until I called. He said he didn't know why but when he asked where she was that night his g/f told him that. He said that he even thinks she has been dating some. I haven't seen or heard anything of those sorts but I wouldn't know...other than facebook. I have her feed blocked so it won't show up unless I go looking for it. So after feeling rejection once again of knowing that she obviously hasn't changed her stance since NC...it hurt. I am now at the point where I know there was nothing I could do other than try and move forward and hope something may happen and if it does good, if not that o well. That is a lot easier said than done of course. I mentioned in previous posts that I felt as if she was around me that I could show her these changes...the setting would have to be right of course. So after all of that and my new stance on what I have to do...I end up seeing her through mutual friends when it was far from planned. The tricky part is the people she is hanging out with now are all my friends I met through friends. They obviously were hers too but we all usually are around each other. I haven't seen her in months until yesterday. So this is how it happened. It was the first football game of the season for our college yesterday. My friends family has a tailgate spot close to the stadium. It just so happens my friends who my ex has been hanging out with also have a tailgate spot close by. My friend and those folks talked about meeting up. After seeing a tagged status with the ex hanging with those friends, I knew our paths were gonna cross. I had about a hour to prepare myself. I am sure she knew I was going to be there too, maybe with as much notice as I did. So when I knew they were walking over to meet us I saw her coming. We were playing "corn hole" when she approached. I put on my best mood ever and laid back routine. She walked up and came right up to me first and was like "heyyy" and reached out for a hug. She didn't look uncomfortable but as nervous as I was I didn't get a good read. I just said responded casually and responded I was sweating and she laughed as she was too. So she walked on to the other side of the corn hole and was talking to some of the people she walked up with. I caught her looking at me at one point...nothing like that but probably to gauge how I was taking things. When they arrived to meet us it was close to game time so they were there around 5-8 minutes before walking to the stadium. I wasn't going but I walked up to the front with the group. The whole time I was acting like I had no cares in the world and payed her little attention. She didn't initiate anything with me either. She didn't seem herself when I saw her but she wasn't pitiful either. Anyways, the whole situation had me wondering has this made any difference. Has my friend that I was confident in said anything to her...a lot of things coursed through my head. Oddly enough this has been a tough few days before seeing her and now I am not so much more depressed but more confused. Any advice on moving forward, things to look for, reaching out, etc.
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