Frinky Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Hi guys Just wanted to get this off my chest really and I hope it makes me feel better. After 12 years my boyfriend (same sex relationship) did the "I think we need to talk" thing. Upshot was, as you can imagine, that it's over. To be honest I wasn't massively shocked, in fact I'm suprised we've lasted this long. We just grew apart and we were starting to resent each other a bit too much. Usual things have happened in that we've got lots of mutual friends and not too many of our own - so feeling quite lonely at the moment. Trying to get back some old friendships over the weekend but no joy so far. Anyone got any advice on how to get things moving from here on in, I think I can handle the break-up, life is **** and this happens sometimes, it's the being here alone at the moment that I'm struggling to handle. Need some more friends but not sure where to begin - never really been very good at making new friends
Kilikina Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I'm sorry to hear about your breakup, I just recently was left by my ex as well. I live in a different province than my family and friends so I understand how much it hurts to be alone and how scary it feels. What helps me is having people, whether it be family or friends I can text or call if it gets overwhelming. Just knowing they are there for me makes me not be so afraid of being alone. I know everyone says it but staying busy helps. Enjoy outside, do things you like to do for you. Life does still go on even if it doesn't feel like it or we wish it wouldnt so make sure to still keep living your life. Friends can be made and people can be met so get out there and try new things and meet new people. It's ok to grieve and be hurt, it's not ok to let it keep you from moving forward.
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Continue seeing the friends you have. Don't begin long heart-heavy discussions, don't say anything to turn anyone against him, (intentionally or otherwise) and say (if asked, in that mournful pitying kind of way! ) that it hurts, you're hugely saddened and disappointed, but life goes on... Don't let anyone bad-mouth him or insult him - this is between you two - and if someone says "Well, he said *this* or *that* or *the other!*" - tell them thanks, but you don't want to hear it - rise above it.... Keep in with the crowd....mingle, and be mature. you're both adults - surely you can behave in a dignified and courteous manner?
LeoNguyen Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Breaking up after 12 years.... It must feel like you're living in a completely different world right now. Everything is still the same, but it doesn't feel that way. Give yourself the freedom to go out there and just talk to people. Go to events in your local area. Meetup.com is a great place to check this out. Don't worry about making friends. Just talk to people. Lend them an open ear. Show them you have an interest in who they are. When you can give them this, you will move forward much faster. Because you're out making this world a better place. Good luck! -Leo
jgregory4614 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Im having the same problem also. During my relationship we had mutal friends and none of our own. Ive moved out of town when we broke up to help with the coping process and I havent had any luck meeting new friends. It is a lonely feeling. On weekends I try out going to new places and have small talk with new people but never really hit it off with anyone. It really blows. I wish I had some good advice for you but im in the same boat as you. If it helps any im trying out new restraunts. Im not much of a drinker but I do go to this pub not to far from were I live but really havent had any luck so far.
Author Frinky Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 Thanks guys Appreciate the comments - nice to know we're not alone eh. It's only been a few days so far and yes LeoNguyen it does feel like a different world. Almost as if I've slipped through some hole in reality, everything is the same but a slightly different shade/colour. I appear to have survived the first weekend - and for that I'm grateful. Thanks again guys, you've really helped xx
january2011 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Meetups, volunteering, exercise, adult evening/weekend classes and responding to others' posts on here. That's what "saved" me. My previous relationship ended a few months shy of 12 years. Take it each time period at a time (whether it's getting yourself from one minute to the next or one hour to the next or one day to the next). Sometimes, you will be fine. Sometimes, you will trigger and get overwhelmed by the emotions and memories. Take it slowly. It's a big adjustment to rebuild your life again. If you haven't done so already, sort out your living situation/space so that it's just yours and not his and yours. It will be your sanctuary for the comng weeks and months.
Recommended Posts