SteveC80 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I dont want to use alpha and beta terms because there overused cliches imo so ill go with the words i used. Over the years these type A agressive women i know claimed they couldnt deal with a guys like themselves because theyd clash too much or go on about how guys like that are arrogant or have egos blah blah blah but i also seen them crack and break down and admit thats who they are attracted to The weirdest way this manifested itself was years back when me and my circle of friends rented a summer home,since im the so called leader of my friends and did most of the work as did my friends wife on finding places and finally picking one,we even got called the "king and queen of the house" when we were there because we made most of the decisons on where to go Me and my friends wife were never that close,she always seem to resent me thought i was arrogant joked about my alpha persoanlity or how im the lion in the jungle and she seemed to do it in a sarcastic way not a flattering way Once we all mvoed in we became a little closer got to know eahc other more and agreed that we are more alike then not alike and how thats why we might have clashed in the past The last night we were there we had a big party and all got really drunk,she came to me and hugged me and said shed never do anything with to hurt her husband but said shes never been so attracted to somebody and how i lead and take charge and said it made her turned on and and she felt feminine and wiling to hand over the controls aorund me and whata great feeling it was to be taken care of WHile the exchange was awkward and i awkwardly laughed it off i think a lot of strong dominant women try to convince themselves they are not compatible with or cant deal with strong hard headed type A men but deep down most of them yearn to be taken care of and lead and feele feminine and vulnerable It made me realize how turned on women get by simple leading and making decisions,its weird and a little goofy how she was so turned on by me doing these thigns with her but i guess thats how women work
starla33 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I dont want to use alpha and beta terms because there overused cliches imo so ill go with the words i used. Over the years these type A agressive women i know claimed they couldnt deal with a guys like themselves because theyd clash too much or go on about how guys like that are arrogant or have egos blah blah blah but i also seen them crack and break down and admit thats who they are attracted to The weirdest way this manifested itself was years back when me and my circle of friends rented a summer home,since im the so called leader of my friends and did most of the work as did my friends wife on finding places and finally picking one,we even got called the "king and queen of the house" when we were there because we made most of the decisons on where to go Me and my friends wife were never that close,she always seem to resent me thought i was arrogant joked about my alpha persoanlity or how im the lion in the jungle and she seemed to do it in a sarcastic way not a flattering way Once we all mvoed in we became a little closer got to know eahc other more and agreed that we are more alike then not alike and how thats why we might have clashed in the past The last night we were there we had a big party and all got really drunk,she came to me and hugged me and said shed never do anything with to hurt her husband but said shes never been so attracted to somebody and how i lead and take charge and said it made her turned on and and she felt feminine and wiling to hand over the controls aorund me and whata great feeling it was to be taken care of WHile the exchange was awkward and i awkwardly laughed it off i think a lot of strong dominant women try to convince themselves they are not compatible with or cant deal with strong hard headed type A men but deep down most of them yearn to be taken care of and lead and feele feminine and vulnerable It made me realize how turned on women get by simple leading and making decisions,its weird and a little goofy how she was so turned on by me doing these thigns with her but i guess thats how women work I'm a pretty dominant female and I totally agree, I need a super dominant guy that can handle me and put me in my place. 2
Author SteveC80 Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 I'm a pretty dominant female and I totally agree, I need a super dominant guy that can handle me and put me in my place. What do you think turns you on so much about a man who leads you and why do you want to be "put in your place"?
Hawaii50 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I'm a pretty dominant female and I totally agree, I need a super dominant guy that can handle me and put me in my place. Back in the Kitchen! That's I got you WiFi!
SmileFace Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Nope I actually will like an equal. I rather both of us run our own show. I am not a bit aggressive and definately don't want an aggressive guy. I dont want to lead or be led .
Mrlonelyone Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Steve. I have personally screwed the *** of men who are super dominant in the rest of their lives even over their wives. Hey I did not know they were married when we first met. The truth is that most of the gender role based expectations, usually within certain limits, go out the window when the right person comes along. i.e. A man will write that a woman who habitually wears pants is a turn off... then end up with an otherwise feminine woman who for whatever reason wears pants most of the time.
ThaWholigan Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) Interesting story. Have seen things like that happen so this is not a new phenomenon. The problem with this post, is that it presumes that this is a formality in all cases, and rules out the idea of exceptions, of which in this scenario there are plenty. I think that within every dynamic there is many variations and different things that each responds to. So there may be a dominant woman who deep down prefers fellow dominant men, or a dominant woman who prefers her men passive, or in between or whatever. And there are many dynamics among passive women also. Many differences. The nuances are intricate enough that generalizations can still be made, but people should be mindful about it. A word about passive men. I think you can be passive, or introverted or whatever, and still be masculine. Not all men are going to be uber-active, extroverted, dominant men. The problem with passive men is that they think that they all have to be "THAT guy", and as a result they allow insecurities to consume them. As a result, that passivity is seen as weakness. Now passivity doesn't have to mean weak, it just means that there are a different set of skills (Liam Neeson again ) that one has as a person that are your strengths. Once you are comfortable with this, and able to own them with quiet confidence, maturity, emotional intelligence and integrity, your laid-back, passive nature will be an asset rather than a liability. EDIT: A person I can think of (I don't know if this is a valid comparison or not) is Joe Dubois from Medium. He lives in a house with a psychic wife and psychic hormonal daughters, who are all bonkers on occasion and would drive most husbands/fathers up the wall. His laid-back nature allows him to deal with it, and on occasion, he shows his own personal authority by actually stepping in, proving that even someone like him can be dominant if he needs to be. Edited September 2, 2012 by ThaWholigan 3
Hawaii50 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Steve. I have personally screwed the *** of men who are super dominant in the rest of their lives even over their wives. Hey I did not know they were married when we first met. The truth is that most of the gender role based expectations, usually within certain limits, go out the window when the right person comes along. i.e. A man will write that a woman who habitually wears pants is a turn off... then end up with an otherwise feminine woman who for whatever reason wears pants most of the time. I consider my self very aggressive.. and nothing gets me more aggressive than being submissive. drives me nuts. jaaaaooooo
mesmerized Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I dont consider myself an "Alpha" female but men who are too dominant annoy me. And I don't get the whole "I need a man to put me in my place". (other than in bed, of course ) I mean do women who say that see themselves as children or what? 1
Woggle Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I don't think all women are like this but I do notice that the super independent and strong women tend to be the most like this. Maybe they are so used to being in control in every other aspect of life that they like giving some control with a man.
ThaWholigan Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I dont consider myself an "Alpha" female but men who are too dominant annoy me. And I don't get the whole "I need a man to put me in my place". (other than in bed, of course ) I mean do women who say that see themselves as children or what? To be honest, when most women say this, they usually mean "in the bedroom"
mesmerized Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I don't think all women are like this but I do notice that the super independent and strong women tend to be the most like this. Maybe they are so used to being in control in every other aspect of life that they like giving some control with a man. Believe it or not, a lot of men who are very dominant in their job and normal lives also want to be dominated with a woman, specially in bed. 2
Woggle Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Believe it or not, a lot of men who are very dominant in their job and normal lives also want to be dominated with a woman, specially in bed. Very true as well. Why do you think dominatrixes are so popular with powerful men. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Yeah, I am in this situation now. The guy I'm with now is a born leader - but an understated one who doesn't feel the need to advertise himself. I told him last night that he's the first guy I've been with who was as smart as I am, or even moreso - definitely in some ways. When I'm smarter and more confident/take-charge than the guy, that never works because... I can always outsmart them. I don't mean to do that, and in theory I don't care if I'm smarter or stronger than my man. But it does seem to emasculate them, then they get insecure, then they start picking at me to try to pull me down a peg or two. And that sucks. With this secure and in-charge guy, I'm the more insecure one, and that sucks, too But he's so good for me in other ways that I'm trying to work through it. He told me last night that a lot of people act intimidated by him, especially other men. So I think what he wants is someone who's not afraid to step up toe to toe with him. I'm giving it my damnedest - and it's asking me to go all in for sure! Who knows if I can keep up the steam? But I'm doing it so far.
soccerrprp Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) Hmmmm. Perhaps this is true. I dated a strong personality, type-A woman (lawyer) and didn't bother continuing with the relationship. I am very confident in many ways and have dated doctors, lawyers, admin., etc. and love that confidence you see in such professionals, but it is a bear to deal with when the type-A personality makes even dating a competitive activity. It was crazy how deciding what to do on a date became a competitive endeavor. I never gave in, but it was clear that she was not going to be the one for me. There are A-HOLE type-A's and there are reasonable ones. The ladies (or guys) who need to showcase their intelligence, confidence and make it overt to the point of annoyance are simply turn offs and unattractive. You ladies who need another type-A to keep you in line have some esteem issues I suspect. In the end, as it should not be surprising, the so-called type-A types have their own personal, emotional issues to deal with. Edited September 2, 2012 by soccerrprp
monkey00 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 While not every woman is a dominant A type, I think many women out there are pretty independent and confident that they don't get enough credit for. Because of social media, gender roles, and gender expectations we view females as weak/submissive and needing someone to take charge. I think if a woman is highly attracted to a guy, she will make exceptions. She may even hand over reigns to him, such in the fact that she would let him be a man and lead. It just depends how the guy makes her feel...women will be women and many deep down still want to feel feminine and have someone to look up to for support during hard times and good times. Right now, I'm seeing someone that loves it when I take the lead and make decisions. If I leave it up to her to make choices, she gets flustered and loses focus. It's great, and I do feel more compatible than in my last relationship where me and my ex would clash every so often...which was a large part to why we didn't work out. People just need to find the right person that balances them. At the end of the day for a lot of people following is easier and less stressful than being a leader. Not everyone wants to be a leader. 1
Necris Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Isn't the being attracted to dominant men thing true for most women in general not just the dominant ones? Submissive women generally want a dominant guy to lead them, and dominant women want an even more dominant guy to put them in their place so to speak. The only time a woman wants a submissive man is so she can walk all over him. 1
LeoNguyen Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Deep down, women want to be chased after and protected by a strong man. The idea that a woman needs to be put in her place, is to test a man and see if he's actually capable of doing it. If he can't, she will doubt his ability to take care of her when things go wrong. If a man wants to be trusted and respected by his lady, he's gotta earn it.
Badsingularity Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 To be honest, when most women say this, they usually mean "in the bedroom" True, but they also sometimes mean that if they are disrespectful to their man that he will stand up to them and not tolerate it. Many women will admit that they can't help but start to walk all over a guy if he starts acting wimpy all the time. If a guy stands up to his woman when she trys this and stops her she will often be turned on by it. 1
Necris Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 If you are a submissive guy, then you need to somehow become a dominant man or prepare to be walked on.
Badsingularity Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 changing that much is next to impossible. It is not impossible. It's just hard.
Titanwolf Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 If you are a submissive guy, then you need to somehow become a dominant man or prepare to be walked on. You don't need to be dominate to have a spine..and people only treat you, as you allow yourself to be treated. Few are born with the ability to lead and lead well, I believe that's a privilege. However, passive does not equate to doormat. Can I point your attention to Ghandi? a passive leader. Did he stand up against his opposition? yes and WITHOUT the need to resort to violence. He was dominant in his own right and for that, he as revered as a strong, but wise man. 1
Badsingularity Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 opposite extremes. harder than hard. but you can do it. I did it and so have other guys.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Deep down, women want to be chased after and protected by a strong man. The idea that a woman needs to be put in her place, is to test a man and see if he's actually capable of doing it. If he can't, she will doubt his ability to take care of her when things go wrong. If a man wants to be trusted and respected by his lady, he's gotta earn it. Yeah, I agree with this. Not to be "put in my place" - but for him to stand his ground when he's right, and bend when he realizes he's wrong. Someone who respects himself and me. 1
Necris Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 changing that much is next to impossible. I'm not a dominant guy myself, but neither am I submissive. I am not easy to bend to the will of others nor am I really capable of bending others to my will. Do women find this attractive? No, not really. But I don't let others walk on me if I can help it. So while being a dominant guy can be hard you can just try not being submissive to others.
Recommended Posts