irc333 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 ....does that raise flags for you, are do you hear the person out? I am coming across women, usually around my age bracket, that not had been married once, but twice in their life time. I don't judge immediately, but would you question it? Most times, the first marriage was a farse, and sometimes short lived, sometimes less than a year. They were young, foolish, and thought it was a good idea........at the time. Sometimes they marry at 18 or 19 and divorce by legal drinking age. lol The 2nd attempt, and sometimes it's probably the most worse of the 2 to get over, is a SERIOUS attempt to give marriage another try, TRYING HARDER to make it work, and it still fails.....leaving the person more mortified than the first time....because they really put more stock on the 2nd marriage than the first. How close am I my assessment with the people you've known that have been married at least twice? And , would you still consider dating them or would it be a red flag to you?
carhill Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I'll just say I learned a lot from being someone's third marriage, with neither of the two priors being 'insignificant'. I would say the most obvious lesson learned is that of fluidity, in that, once one becomes accustomed to moving from marriage to marriage, it becomes easier. Less trepidation. Less fear. Would I consider a twice married/divorced person as a potential partner/spouse? Sure, at my age and with a strong contract in place, I see no issues.
soccerrprp Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I recently dated a woman who was married twice. Both abusive relationships. She was wonderful in many ways, but clearly her past experiences interfered with our own. She was too suspicious, too quick to judge and that lead to our "mutual" separation. When I first learned she had been married twice before, I was a little hesitant, but wanted to give her it a chance. I feel that my suspicions are/were legitimate considering the common denominator in both failed marriages was/is her. So, you never know the circumstance to which the relationships went sour. Anyway, from now on, I will be much more hesitant about dating someone who has been married more than once.
CarrieT Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 It would depend on their age. My current BF has had three divorces and, once explained, makes perfect sense to me. I have had one divorce and a total of four long-term relationships. Had I married each one I was involved in, there would have been four divorces... We have talked at length about the reasons and rationale behind our life decisions and both believe (and hope) that this will the last relationship for both of us.
Radu Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 At my age [29] and in my culture ... hell no. 1 divorce at my age and in my culture is generally a red flag. Move to a bigger city and go for younger girls irc, have you considered this ? 1
Summer Breeze Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 It would depend on their age. My current BF has had three divorces and, once explained, makes perfect sense to me. I have had one divorce and a total of four long-term relationships. Had I married each one I was involved in, there would have been four divorces... We have talked at length about the reasons and rationale behind our life decisions and both believe (and hope) that this will the last relationship for both of us. I think this is the key. Talk about it and go from there. I don't think people tend to divorce easily so there is normally a valid reason. I'm in my 50s and a bigger red flag than 2 divorces is not having 1 divorce. You'd be amazed how many men still live in Mom and Dad's basement and have never had a steady girlfriend.
shiftman Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I would obviously understand one failed marriage - as I would expect them to understand mine. Unless the circumstances were extraordinary, I would likely limit my future relationships to one divorce.
joystickd Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 ....does that raise flags for you, are do you hear the person out? I am coming across women, usually around my age bracket, that not had been married once, but twice in their life time. I don't judge immediately, but would you question it? Most times, the first marriage was a farse, and sometimes short lived, sometimes less than a year. They were young, foolish, and thought it was a good idea........at the time. Sometimes they marry at 18 or 19 and divorce by legal drinking age. lol The 2nd attempt, and sometimes it's probably the most worse of the 2 to get over, is a SERIOUS attempt to give marriage another try, TRYING HARDER to make it work, and it still fails.....leaving the person more mortified than the first time....because they really put more stock on the 2nd marriage than the first. How close am I my assessment with the people you've known that have been married at least twice? And , would you still consider dating them or would it be a red flag to you? anybody divorced raises a red flag for me.
mortensorchid Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 In my lifetime I have met a few people who are on a third marriage. I know one person and another (who I know of) who are on marriage #4. With the exception of those two, if there is anyone I have ever met who has been married more than four times, I don't know about it. Quite honestly, should I encounter someone who has been married so many times, I am wary of them. I will not say "there is a reason why", but you will find out rather quickly that this is not the only thing that has gone awry. Often times I find that they do not speak to some or all of their family members, and I also find that they have bad relationships with friends. Is it always the other party's fault? No, it's not. Now true, we all make mistakes in life. We find ourselves with a bad crowd or with the wrong person romantically, but when you are consistently making this mistake, you have to reconsider some things. I have a friend who was husband #3 to a serial cheater. He neglected to mention to me that her two previous marriages / relationships all ended because she cheated on them. And now she's going to marry the guy she was cheating on him with. Nothing but disaster is going to unfold for this woman, and it's her doing. So approach with caution should you encounter someone like this. Something's not right.
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