clownface204 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 In the course of my 15 years with the man, he has stepped out at least 6 times, and has also had a few playmates that he'd kept in touch with. I always suspected and felt it in my gut. Due to me just getting to the point of frustartion and lack of interest towards him, I've started the process of splitting up finally and then he confessed and admitted his cheatings. And I am surprised at how many and the variety. He always played like he was so inexperienced with me. I used to get so upset when he wouldnt tell me the truth. And when it was just finding emails amd phone numbers. Now that I know for sure that these things took place I just feel numb about it. I have asked questions and he's given me gory details. And nothing, Im not having much of an emotional response now. I just feel like its a buddy telling me a story. Is that a common reaction? I know he doesnt want me to leave him and he's been trying to change. I feel like even tho I am not feeling hateful towards him I also dont care who he sees now. I could probably forgive but I just don't see myself as anything more than a friend at this point. It seems to be making it harder to just move on and find some happiness and independance and trust for myself.
M30USA Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 In the course of my 15 years with the man, he has stepped out at least 6 times, and has also had a few playmates that he'd kept in touch with. I always suspected and felt it in my gut. Due to me just getting to the point of frustartion and lack of interest towards him, I've started the process of splitting up finally and then he confessed and admitted his cheatings. And I am surprised at how many and the variety. He always played like he was so inexperienced with me. I used to get so upset when he wouldnt tell me the truth. And when it was just finding emails amd phone numbers. Now that I know for sure that these things took place I just feel numb about it. I have asked questions and he's given me gory details. And nothing, Im not having much of an emotional response now. I just feel like its a buddy telling me a story. Is that a common reaction? I know he doesnt want me to leave him and he's been trying to change. I feel like even tho I am not feeling hateful towards him I also dont care who he sees now. I could probably forgive but I just don't see myself as anything more than a friend at this point. It seems to be making it harder to just move on and find some happiness and independance and trust for myself. I can sympathize with your feelings (or lack thereof). In my case my numb feelings came from my wife's physical and emotional abuse towards me. And on top of it all, she still believes she owes me no apology. In fact, she has texted me since the separation, saying that I need to make changes if we want the marriage to work because it "requires two willing parties". Hah. Right.
Moonless sky Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I know this exact feeling. You become so numb and begin to not even care anymore when the hurt and pain goes on for a long period of time. I'm becoming this exact way with the guy I've had in my life for eight years. I know he says he wants you, and he probably does but this is so common that people want what they no longer have. I'm not sure I would believe he has changed permanantly. I think he could easily slip right back into the mess he made before. The guy I'm with now "changed" but behind my back he was no less than a punisher to my soul. He is eating at my soul every day. One day I'll be like you. I think and know even for myself that you have to let him go. He has done too much, there is no way to go back anymore. I know you find it hard to move on now but in time you'll find that there's so much out there. Start focusing on you and what you want in life and what you want in a man. Be strong. 1
Mint Sauce Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 are you still emotional about other things/people? if not, you're probably entirely numbed by all the pain over such a long time, and i'd recommend therapy (but not the behavioral kind, rather something analytic). Worked for me: after a bit more than a year of therapy, all the emotions came in like tsunami. Finally cried again after at least 10 "dry" years. And I feel much more sensitive and alive now.
Author clownface204 Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 I am still feeling things for other people, my family and friends. So I'm not totally cut off at least. I just don't feel any excitement or interest towards him, or what he says. He is still talking about his flings and trying to justify it and get me to feel sorry for him because he is losing what he feels is right for his life. But again I just feel like I am disconnected. I'm not shocked by any of the details just surprised at the variety.
rogerabbit Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 I think therapy is good advice. Speaking to someone who is objective about your feelings and experiences often allows you to explore the parts of your own personality that led you to allow yourself to stay in that situation to begin with. I am not saying that his behavior isn't his responsibility. You'll never be able to explain his behavior and his decisions weren't your fault, but one benefit of therapy is the personal gains you can make for yourself if you stay positive and treat it as a learning opportunity (might as well, you're paying cash for that time). For the many years that I felt insecure, I invited relationships that led to being taken advantage of, allowing the other person to walk all over me and still found myself going the extra mile to seek their approval. The changes I made to my life were to really focus on my martial arts equally from mental and physical health perspectives. Through some pretty tough training for a year, I suddenly found that I was totally happy on my own, doing my own things, focusing on improving myself. I gained self confidence I didn't even know I had, which attracted higher quality, happier women to me that had very positive character traits and similar values. I am now with a woman who respects me and shows her love through her actions. If you've ever been slapped in the face, your face tingles after the sting and feels numb. That may be similar to how you feel about the situation. Your mind is protecting you from the pain. Someone who cheated on you didn't value you, didn't respect you and wasn't your friend. You trusted them and they took you for granted. Those are very tough pills to swallow. When you emerge from this ordeal, hopefully you will be a stronger person capable of setting up your boundaries and trusting your instincts. When you suspect someone of cheating and have more than a few clues to back it up, pay attention and don't let it drag out. There are tons of loyal, loving guys out there who will treat a woman properly without you having to settle for a cheating jerk. Your own sense of loyalty (which I gathered from your OP) doesn't deserve to be taken for granted! I hope this helps in some small way. Sorry for your pain. Good luck!
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