Necromancer Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Unless you are idiotically confident i think you won't have that much more success if you are average looking guy. If you ain't getting womens attention now, I don't think being more confident will change it. I am not talking about that people should not improve themselves but I think changed behaviour will not change night into day.
Titanwolf Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I'm average looking and confident to the point where you can only find it amusing. I don't understand, isn't confidence meant to supplement personality? charisma and such?. I find that confidence gives you the ability to be yourself, without fear. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Confidence is everything in life. It's why the O's lost yesterday even being up 3-1 late in the game. The Yankees had swagger and the O's folded like a team with 14 straight years of losing would. So to with dating. If you have confidence you'll do well. No confidence, and you'll be walking in a run with the bases loaded.
Author Necromancer Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 Confidence is everything in life. It's why the O's lost yesterday even being up 3-1 late in the game. The Yankees had swagger and the O's folded like a team with 14 straight years of losing would. So to with dating. If you have confidence you'll do well. No confidence, and you'll be walking in a run with the bases loaded. I know a guy who has no confidence but does pretty good with women. I know 10 times more confident guys who do very badly. It all depends how your face looks like.
Author Necromancer Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 I'm average looking and confident to the point where you can only find it amusing. I don't understand, isn't confidence meant to supplement personality? charisma and such?. I find that confidence gives you the ability to be yourself, without fear. When I mean confident, i am talking about a guy who speaks with high strong voice, is himself and doesn't give a shiit about what others think of him.
Pyro Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 When I mean confident, i am talking about a guy who speaks with high strong voice, is himself and doesn't give a shiit about what others think of him. IMO any personality trait is overrated on the internet because you have the luxury of hiding behind a monitor and you can be whoever you want to be online. My advice is to keep the conversations to a minimum online. In person and over the phone should be the main focus. That is when you you get to see/hear the person for who they are.
Febreze Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Unless you are idiotically confident i think you won't have that much more success if you are average looking guy. If you ain't getting womens attention now, I don't think being more confident will change it. I am not talking about that people should not improve themselves but I think changed behaviour will not change night into day. I dont consider men talking to women online as confidence because just about anyone can do it so boo hoo but to come up to me in real life to say hi and try to get to know me definitely counts in my book. 1
threebyfate Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 There are a crap load of fake it 'til you make it guys on the Internet. It becomes apparent pretty quickly. People are a composition of many traits. What appears to happen on the Internet is that people zero in on one trait they don't have, inflate it to monster proportions disregarding all the rest of the traits, and shoot it down with lazer beams, strapped to shark heads. Once they've shot the monster down, they can happily proceed with their lives believing it to be unnecessary since the rumour proved to be fallacious. 1
Titanwolf Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 There are a crap load of fake it 'til you make it guys on the Internet. It becomes apparent pretty quickly. People are a composition of many traits. What appears to happen on the Internet is that people zero in on one trait they don't have, inflate it to monster proportions disregarding all the rest of the traits, and shoot it down with lazer beams, strapped to shark heads. Once they've shot the monster down, they can happily proceed with their lives believing it to be unnecessary since the rumour proved to be fallacious. lulz were had. 1
LeoNguyen Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 If "good looks" were your right hand, then "confidence" is your left hand (or the other way around). Why would you want have one without the other?
Badsingularity Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 GUY A GUY B Guy A is very insecure and bad with women. He refuses to open his mind, challenge his fears, or to do the things that can be done to improve himself because they are too scary and hard. He refuses to believe that having confidence is any better than having low self esteem. People continue to respond to him in the same way because nothing changes. He stays single. Guy B is very insecure and bad with women. He is told by men and women that he is too insecure and needs to work on his personality. He listens to them. He opens his mind. He starts the hard and scary process of improving himself. It gets hard and sometimes it's tuff, but he keeps at it. After a while his confidence starts to improve and the way people react to him starts to change. He realizes that having confidence in himself and dramtically improving his social skills are having and effect on how people respond to him. He gets more confident. He gets a GF.
Necris Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 GUY A GUY B Guy A is very insecure and bad with women. He refuses to open his mind, challenge his fears, or to do the things that can be done to improve himself because they are too scary and hard. He refuses to believe that having confidence is any better than having low self esteem. People continue to respond to him in the same way because nothing changes. He stays single. Guy B is very insecure and bad with women. He is told by men and women that he is too insecure and needs to work on his personality. He listens to them. He opens his mind. He starts the hard and scary process of improving himself. It gets hard and sometimes it's tuff, but he keeps at it. After a while his confidence starts to improve and the way people react to him starts to change. He realizes that having confidence in himself and dramtically improving his social skills are having and effect on how people respond to him. He gets more confident. He gets a GF. What I don't get is how is he going to gain this magical confidence with zero reinforcement? Also you can't be confident in all things, I'm confident I can drive my car to the store without getting in an accident, why because I have driven my car to the store countless times without an accident, I'm confident I can bench over 200 pounds, why because I have done so many times. But getting a girlfriend? Has never happened, I'm constantly rejected, I don't recall a woman ever being attracted to me in any way and no I'm not just looking at the super physically attractive women, seriously I can't recall in my life ever seeing any sign of interest from any woman. For me just getting a date is a huge accomplishment as that happens so rarely and when it does happen I only get 1 date. I have zero experience in this, zero reinforcement the closest contact I ever had with a woman was a simple friendly one second hug, and the best it seems I can do is be friends with women and that's it.
Badsingularity Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 What I don't get is how is he going to gain this magical confidence with zero reinforcement? Socialize alot. Chat with many many women. Just have conversations with them with no goal of getting a date or number just do it to learn more about women.Try to learn about the woman you are talking to. Talk to them without fearing what they are thinking about you. Entertain yourself and have fun. If any are rude to you, as long as you are not being rude, realize that they have the problem not you. After you get used to doing this for a while then you can start asking them out after you've chatted for a while or just ask for their phone number. You will get rejected. Don't worry about that because many times a women rejects for reasons that have nothing to do with the guy. Get rejected a lot. After a while you will start to become numb to it. Don't fear stop you. Continue to talk to women. 1
threebyfate Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Forget calling it confidence and instead call it being relaxed in social situations. What do you personally prefer? Having a smooth and relaxed flow of conversation with lots of laughs or do you prefer to have a stilted and awkward conversation? 1
Titanwolf Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 i can barely do it online. i'm not approaching any more gals in public. too dangerous. Good luck with improving your hand technique goals of 2012.
Titanwolf Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 what are hand technique goals? i didn't mean to insult you. i apologize. Lol never mind
Necris Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Socialize alot. Chat with many many women. Just have conversations with them with no goal of getting a date or number just do it to learn more about women.Try to learn about the woman you are talking to. Talk to them without fearing what they are thinking about you. Entertain yourself and have fun. If any are rude to you, as long as you are not being rude, realize that they have the problem not you. After you get used to doing this for a while then you can start asking them out after you've chatted for a while or just ask for their phone number. You will get rejected. Don't worry about that because many times a women rejects for reasons that have nothing to do with the guy. Get rejected a lot. After a while you will start to become numb to it. Don't fear stop you. Continue to talk to women. I hate socializing, but I force myself to do so with zero results. But how is that going to build confidence? I get rejected alot, in fact 100% of the time but I don't feel anymore confident, rejection is just slightly less painful, but I still know that women aren't really into me as the evidence shows, so I'm not confident in my ability to have a relationship with a woman.
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Forget calling it confidence and instead call it being relaxed in social situations. What do you personally prefer? Having a smooth and relaxed flow of conversation with lots of laughs or do you prefer to have a stilted and awkward conversation? Personally, I think it's 13 one way a baker's dozen the other. Awkward conversations can be just as fun as smooth ones.
LeoNguyen Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 i can barely do it online. i'm not approaching any more gals in public. too dangerous. You don't have to approach a woman to get to know one. Just ask your friend to introduce you to someone they know. Just be sure that your "blind date" and you get introduced to each other at a party or some place where you feel comfortable. That way, you won't be too nervous and you can just enjoy being yourself. No pressure from either side.
Necris Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 You don't have to approach a woman to get to know one. Just ask your friend to introduce you to someone they know. Just be sure that your "blind date" and you get introduced to each other at a party or some place where you feel comfortable. That way, you won't be too nervous and you can just enjoy being yourself. No pressure from either side. That reminds me, One of my friends (a dude) tried to set me up a couple of times but unfortunately in situations like that the girl simply wasn't into me and wanted to be with him, so in a sense (this may have not been the case) he was trying to hand me the girls he rejected.
threebyfate Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Personally, I think it's 13 one way a baker's dozen the other. Awkward conversations can be just as fun as smooth ones.Do you feel that most women or most people, enjoy awkward, stilted conversations or do they normally opt out when they feel uncomfortable?
Badsingularity Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 but I still know that women aren't really into me as the evidence shows All the way into my mid twenties evidence showed that I was horribly unattractive, super ugly, and that no women were or every could be attracted to me. So that is what I believed and that is how I acted wich coincidentally was a major part of what was turning women off. Try to become good at talking to women to the point that you are not worried about what they are thinking of you. Once you accomplish that you can be proud of yourself and that will begin to give you confidence. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Do you feel that most women or most people, enjoy awkward, stilted conversations or do they normally opt out when they feel uncomfortable? I don't know. But you only need one, right?
threebyfate Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I don't know. But you only need one, right?Wishing you luck with this, in that finding one who enjoys awkward, stilted conversations might be a bit difficult. You're deliberately being difficult and in doing so, are representing how irritating this can be. Doesn't mean you have to agree with me but we both know you're baiting.
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