hurting tonight Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I would have slapped you in the face if you did something like that to me. That was way out of line. You would have deserved it.
dexterfan Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 One of my worse dates is with a girl that did the same thing! Talk about someone with no manners.. I like the suggestion of excusing yourself to the restroom and texting her goodbye since she would have a better change of getting that. haha
Author NYC-BigKat Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 This girl and many others, do this kind of thing as an unconscious test. It's a test where they want you to assert yourself, to be strong and not be a Welcome mat, because quite frankly ... feminism has changed things. A while back there was this article written by a big feminist, complaining about how wussified men in the West have become. They don't want you to slap them, hit them, or abuse them, they want you to set some boundaries and offer repercusions to 'bad' behaviour. This is normally learned during childhood by observing the relationship between mom and dad, by seeing how dad acts and how mom acts. You are effectively constantly giving them the benefit of the doubt without actually giving any repercusions for bad behaviour. If you date this girl again [and she is interested], she will test you further, she will want you sticking up for yourself. Again, she doesn't want you to hit her, she wants you to stop letting her walk all over you. Unfortunately, because she does this sort of gaming, she is probably not long term relationship material anyway. So yes, go out with her, but try to be a bit more assertive, more confident. If she brings it up, don't apologize for reacting, apologize for how you reacted ... it's a major difference. She did something very bad on that date, she behaved in a very rude manner [over here we say that she wasn't taught manners in the 7yrs of home ... to be interpreted as not being raised right]. It also matters how you apologize, because in the end you didn't kill the someone. Thanks for good advice u seem really smart . I'll wait & see how things go. She's texting me right now so we're talking some.
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 T Either way, sitting there and taking it like a little bitch would have been the worst thing to do. What's the difference? If she didn't like him because acted like a "little bitch" she'll just not go out with him again. But if she did like him, flipping out on her (smacking the phone or not) isn't going to keep her liking him. Better to play it safe. There's really no downside.
Badsingularity Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 What's the difference? If she didn't like him because acted like a "little bitch" she'll just not go out with him again. But if she did like him, flipping out on her (smacking the phone or not) isn't going to keep her liking him. Better to play it safe. There's really no downside. Most women don't feel attracted to men who put up with being disrespected. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Most women don't feel attracted to men who put up with being disrespected. Perhaps that's true. But, if all we're talking about is a sandwich at Subway, what's the worst that could happen? She concludes he's a wimp and she never goes out with him again? At least he had a date. Who cares if it turned out well or not? It's just one date.
Badsingularity Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Perhaps that's true. But, if all we're talking about is a sandwich at Subway, what's the worst that could happen? She concludes he's a wimp and she never goes out with him again? At least he had a date. Who cares if it turned out well or not? It's just one date. She could decide to go on more dates with him and stomp all over him for a while.
BetheButterfly Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Soooo sorry but I lost my cool last night on the date. Um...anyway I got a date with a girl from pof & it was terrible . We text last week for a few days & we meet at the train station. Um...I knew the date wasn't gonna be good when she kept asking me why I dont drive. I kept telling & telling her that I cant pass the road test. She says 'cause I'm a guy I should . Um...we went out for a subway sandwich. I'm trying to watch my weight I guess & then I try to make conversation with her but she ignores me with all the stupid texting so I got really really pissed & slapped the phone from her hand. She screamed & I say so sorry & I leave the store embarrassed. She texts me when I got home to see if I'm okay. I say yea. She says are u sure? I say yea & that's it. I feel really bad. Dont know what came over me . When a person is rude to you, that doesn't mean you have to be rude to them. Nobody has ever knocked anything out of my hand before, except for a ball. Oh wait I take that back. My dog did knock a doggy treat out of my hand before, and a stranger accidentally knocked a glass out of my hand before too. The stranger did not mean to do that and apologized. My dog didn't apologize; she was quite pleased with her little self lol and I thought she was adorable. With balls, people tend to try to knock balls out of people's hands while playing... it's to be expected. Next time a person is rude to you by texting in front of you, why not simply say, "It is rude for you to text in front of me while I'm trying to talk to you."? Resorting to a deliberate action that is rude (in this case knocking her phone from her hand) doesn't help anything. It just means there are 2 rude people, not just one. 1
Badsingularity Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 it doesn't make sense why. because some people are not nice
BetheButterfly Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I would have slapped you in the face if you did something like that to me. That was way out of line. You would have deserved it. I wouldn't have slapped you, but I would also not have called you like she did. Instead, I would have called my Dad and told him what you did... and he would not be pleased with you, to put it mildly. My Dad and my husband have an awesome relationship, but that's due to my husband being a wonderful man who knows how to treat a woman. What I don't understand is why she was texting in front of you in the first place. That is indeed rude. I couldn't keep my eyes off my hubby when he and I were dating. Even now, I tend to text or call my friends when my hubby is busy, not when he's with me. If you do go out with her again, talk to her about it. Just tell her that you don't appreciate her texting in front of you. Tell her if she's going to spend time with you, to really do so. She can most definitely catch up with her friends after the date. 1
BetheButterfly Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 i've never been on a date yet, but from what i've read on the internet when a gal isn't into you she'll text or even talk on her phone like you aren't even there. I think it's a possible sign that she's not incredibly interested, but I don't know. There's some people who just love to text and talk on the phone nonstop! One of my best friends is like that. When we go somewhere together, she talks to at least 1 or 2 other people on the phone. I've accepted it as a part of who she is. She is a super sociable person. She also knows that I hate talking on the phone. She knows I prefer spending time with her. Now, I don't know if she talks on the phone or texts when she's with her fiance. I've never asked her. I just assume that they have worked something out that fits them both, and that he knows she's a social butterfly and doesn't have a problem with it. People are diverse.
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 She could decide to go on more dates with him and stomp all over him for a while. Well, depending on how that turns out it might not be a totally bad thing. But, that's kind of putting the cart before the horse. One step at a time here.
FitChick Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Go on the second date. You need the practice. I bet she will be on her best behavior. 4
spiderowl Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 What you did was an overreaction and you need to take care with that temper. She could claim it was assault even. Her behaviour was rude and annoying, yes, and most people would find that insulting and upsetting. What you should have done is said goodbye and left her to it. I think everyone would understand your feelings; it's just you need to make sure you're not the one getting the blame at the end of the day. 1
AlexDP Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 And you live in NYC....people dont need to freaking drive there. Its a big waste of money if you live close to public transportation. Car insurance is a killer in a big city. The prices are super high...especially for guys in their 20s. Lets not even talk about gas prices. Screw this chick. I would have told her off and walked out on her for the phone thing. Be a man next time and tell a girl straight up when shes behaving badly. Dont lose your cool. Just be firm and stern. One does not need to drive, but one does need to have the ability to drive. You never know when it might come in handy. Besides, if someone isn't strong and collected enough to pass the road test and they're fully abled people, that reflects poorly on them.
soccerrprp Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 She was rude...you were violent. It does matter and it is a big deal. This sheds a little light to your temperament. You need to control this impulsive behavior as it could mean much more in terms of how you deal with and respond to adversity and uncomfortable social situations. 4
Janesays Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 I would never be so rude to text friends on a date.... But let's say I was on call at work and periodically had to glance at my phone from time to time to make sure there is no emergency. You get upset and slap the phone out of my hand. I would have picked up my phone and then I would have tossed my drink in your face. Then I would have calmly walked away. If you retaliated in any way, the scene I caused would ensure that any nearby man would give you a beat down. If you followed me, I'd call the police. It would not have ended well for you. There is no excuse to get violent with a woman. Ever. 4
Shaun-Dro Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 Soooo sorry but I lost my cool last night on the date. Um...anyway I got a date with a girl from pof & it was terrible . We text last week for a few days & we meet at the train station. Um...I knew the date wasn't gonna be good when she kept asking me why I dont drive. I kept telling & telling her that I cant pass the road test. She says 'cause I'm a guy I should . Um...we went out for a subway sandwich. I'm trying to watch my weight I guess & then I try to make conversation with her but she ignores me with all the stupid texting so I got really really pissed & slapped the phone from her hand. She screamed & I say so sorry & I leave the store embarrassed. She texts me when I got home to see if I'm okay. I say yea. She says are u sure? I say yea & that's it. I feel really bad. Dont know what came over me . I don't condone your actions of beating up cell phones over girls but I applaud your efforts to stand up for yourself. I'm sure this dame will behave next time.
The_Face Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Wierd situation. You became abusive and she asked if you were OK? You two should NOT go on another date. It would not be healthy for either of you. And you should also try and control yourself better next time. Whether she was a jerk or not, nothing justifies what you did. You might want to consider anger management. That may sound extreme to some, but I for one think it's extreme to hit someone's phone out of their hands like that. Good luck to you, though.
Negative Nancy Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 You're probably aware that is considered assault and battery What? Knocking the cell phone from someone's hand is considered assault and battery? Only in the US...
udolipixie Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Guys like you are one of the many reasons why so many gals I know prefer phones over guys. Seems like most American guys can't respond without violence to not getting 100% attention from a gal. Guys like you are one of the many reasons I get so much entertainment from guys. Last guy who tried to slapped my phone from my hand got maced in his eyes then had my boots repeatedly stomped on his balls. What? Knocking the cell phone from someone's hand is considered assault and battery? Only in the US... In some states it is considered such hence why I was able to mace and stomp so many guys because I was attacking in self-defense.
carhill Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 What? Knocking the cell phone from someone's hand is considered assault and battery? Only in the US... The intent (assault) is to induce fear by threat, as a result of the assailant's size and physical strength. The battery is the physical contact under those auspices. With an unknown assailant, it has the potential for a clean shoot, or so I've been trained. Around here, with a LEO many, many miles away, we learn to solve our own problems, and that does include violence on occasion. Better to be prepared than dead. YMMV. The young man in this story is just immature and acted on impulse. Impulse control can be learned. He'll be OK.
2sure Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 When I lived in NYC, sooo many people didn't drive, it's nothing. But many of us did try to get a license, just so we could rent cars , etc...and many of us just couldn't pass the road test. I failed 4. Not that uncommon...eh. It always turned into a fun conversation just like everyone else in NY. thats probably why she asked. The idea that her asking was so insulting to you probably was a great big red flag and she was texting to get herself out of subway. While texting on a date, or during a conversation is rude...slapping someone's hand is completely beyond the realm of sanity. On another note...she has a great story.
AlexCross Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I wonder what Jared from Subway would have to say about this. Was it the sweet onion teriyaki ?
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