Radu Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) Soooo sorry but I lost my cool last night on the date. Um...anyway I got a date with a girl from pof & it was terrible . We text last week for a few days & we meet at the train station. Um...I knew the date wasn't gonna be good when she kept asking me why I dont drive. I kept telling & telling her that I cant pass the road test. She says 'cause I'm a guy I should . Um...we went out for a subway sandwich. I'm trying to watch my weight I guess & then I try to make conversation with her but she ignores me with all the stupid texting so I got really really pissed & slapped the phone from her hand. She screamed & I say so sorry & I leave the store embarrassed. She texts me when I got home to see if I'm okay. I say yea. She says are u sure? I say yea & that's it. I feel really bad. Dont know what came over me . You should not have said that you can't pass the test, that's when she decided she had no respect for you, and she was willing to walk all over you. I want you to pay very good attention to what i'm going to write. You knocked the phone from her hand, you apologized [debatable if needed] ... she contacted you later to see if you got home ok, even made sure to see if you were mad at her. This is very important. You stood up for yourself and asserted yourself, she was shocked but i also bet intrigued. You should not have apologized, at least not for interrupting her txt-ing. Learn to deal with this disrespect, in a tad less forcefull way, but learn to deal with it. Also, when she txtd you at home, you could have saved it. But then again, women/girls who act like her are never good long term material. Edited September 2, 2012 by Radu 3
Imajerk17 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) I disagree... knocking the phone out of her hand EARNED her respect. He subliminally set expectations that this behavior is not appropriate around him and look what happened. She checked up on him when he got home. He wasnt a pansey and sat there and took it, he stood up for himself. Next time dont apologize to her for setting expectations and boundaries or disciplining idiots for bad behavior Sad to say, there is a lot of truth to what you are saying. Women have a tendency to test men (not necessarily consciously) as a way of screening them. There is a difference between the way a mature woman does it and an immature woman does it though. Many many girls act bratty and then respond emotionally to a guy setting limits. Whether the guy setting limits is done in a mature way that respects boundaries (rare), or an immature way that does not (a lot more common and what the OP did). FWIW, this girl showed the OP far more respect AFTER he reacted than before. If the OP had sat there and had taken his date's bad behavior as a "nice guy" would, do you really think she would have given him any thought after their "date"? The OP's date's behavior is a HORRIBLE screening mechanism on her part, because there are so few younger guys who know how to handle a test like that in a mature self-respecting fashion with someone they hardly know. Mostly the only ones who will "pass her test" are the guys who have no problem violating boundaries and forcefully taking the phone out of her hand. This girl probably will end up falling for some abusive azzhule who takes her phone and dumps it in her Coke or something. Edited September 2, 2012 by Imajerk17 2
Pyro Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Soooo sorry but I lost my cool last night on the date. Um...anyway I got a date with a girl from pof & it was terrible . We text last week for a few days & we meet at the train station. Um...I knew the date wasn't gonna be good when she kept asking me why I dont drive. I kept telling & telling her that I cant pass the road test. She says 'cause I'm a guy I should . Um...we went out for a subway sandwich. I'm trying to watch my weight I guess & then I try to make conversation with her but she ignores me with all the stupid texting so I got really really pissed & slapped the phone from her hand. She screamed & I say so sorry & I leave the store embarrassed. She texts me when I got home to see if I'm okay. I say yea. She says are u sure? I say yea & that's it. I feel really bad. Dont know what came over me . You should consider yourself lucky that she still responded to you afterwards, but after reading about her I'm not so sure if that is a good thing. 1
Author NYC-BigKat Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 Knocking the phone out of her hand was way out of line. Just don't do that again. Learn how to deal with people (yes, even jerks) without going off like that. You'r right & it was bad for me to be so bad like that but I'm really tired of seeing all these girls with phones all day long when I try sooooooo hard to meet them & they keep playing with their phones alot! Its like every girl in this place is on the phone or texting all the time. I cant get a break to go up to her for a moment u know & its a pain pain pain . I also work hard on pof to write girls messages & only 1 girl replies to me out of 100s .
phineas Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 OP, you need to chill a little. Do what i did to a texting date. Excuse yourself to goto the bathroom & txt her "goodnight" from the parking lot then ignore her afterword. unless she lives in a bubble she knows it's rude to text like that & just didn't care.
Radu Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 OP, you need to chill a little. Do what i did to a texting date. Excuse yourself to goto the bathroom & txt her "goodnight" from the parking lot then ignore her afterword. unless she lives in a bubble she knows it's rude to text like that & just didn't care. LOL, i need to try this at least once.
SmileFace Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 OP, you need to chill a little. Do what i did to a texting date. Excuse yourself to goto the bathroom & txt her "goodnight" from the parking lot then ignore her afterword. unless she lives in a bubble she knows it's rude to text like that & just didn't care. I already said that... Stop copying me Lol
Febreze Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I disagree... knocking the phone out of her hand EARNED her respect. He subliminally set expectations that this behavior is not appropriate around him and look what happened. She checked up on him when he got home. No! What the OP did with that young lady was poor behavior. No wonder no women are giving him the time of day. They can tell he's "off" a bit. What you're promoting to him is to be aggressive when you cant get your way with someone and that's wrong so you need to cut it out. There's more than enough maniacs running around out here. 1
Joaquin Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 OP, you need to chill a little. Do what i did to a texting date. Excuse yourself to goto the bathroom & txt her "goodnight" from the parking lot then ignore her afterword. unless she lives in a bubble she knows it's rude to text like that & just didn't care. Now thats the right way to do it. Assaulting people is inappropriate and just shows a lack self control.
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I don't think walking out on the date would have been the answer either. You never know when your next date will be. Might as well be kind to the woman and hope she will become interested enough to put down her phone. Beggars can't be choosers.
ThaWholigan Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I don't think walking out on the date would have been the answer either. You never know when your next date will be. Might as well be kind to the woman and hope she will become interested enough to put down her phone. Beggars can't be choosers. This is the kind of attitude that will actually ensure that you don't get anymore dates. He shouldn't have smacked the phone out of her hand, that showed an alarming lack of maturity IMO. But he shouldn't have tolerated that level of disrespect, as well as the constant goading of his inability to drive also - although you could chalk that up to banter and if one is able to do so could turn that into a positive thing. Either way, sitting there and taking it like a little bitch would have been the worst thing to do. 5
ffw Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 There is a difference between silent walking without saying a word & walking away saying I can't take it more or it's not working out. In my opinion, the former is disrespectful.
KraftDinner Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 What she did was rude. What you did was crazy. There's a possibility that she texted you after because she was worried about you for acting so nuts. Or her self-esteem is so low she likes being treated like garbage. If I went on a date with someone who just sat there texting the whole time, I'd think, 'sheesh, this person sure doesn't like me. Next.' Why on earth did you take it so personally? To the point you got physical? Honestly, this screams anger issues. Buuuuuut...your inappropriate behaviour tells me that there is a chance you would LIKE beins with someone with low self-esteem. So maybe your stupid actions might earn you a relationship with a fellow crazy. I guess we should all face the fact that some people actually prefer unhealthy relationships.
Author NYC-BigKat Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 This is the kind of attitude that will actually ensure that you don't get anymore dates. He shouldn't have smacked the phone out of her hand, that showed an alarming lack of maturity IMO. But he shouldn't have tolerated that level of disrespect, as well as the constant goading of his inability to drive also - although you could chalk that up to banter and if one is able to do so could turn that into a positive thing. Either way, sitting there and taking it like a little bitch would have been the worst thing to do. Guess what guys? She called me on the phone instead of texting & we get to joking about yesterday. SHe says it was crazy what I did but its okay. I kinda wanna give her another chance but not sure though. At least she's not mad at me right? 1
Radu Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 She wants a jerk in her life, you are not jerk material. You are beyond hope. I have to ask this, were you raised by a single mother or in family of only women ?
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Guess what guys? She called me on the phone instead of texting & we get to joking about yesterday. SHe says it was crazy what I did but its okay. I kinda wanna give her another chance but not sure though. At least she's not mad at me right? Nice! Go for it man.
SmileFace Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Why would you even want to be with this chick!? 1. You have to teach her manners. 2. She lets people treat her like that. Dafuq 4
ThaWholigan Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Why would you even want to be with this chick!? 1. You have to teach her manners. 2. She lets people treat her like that. Dafuq My thoughts exactly. Guys, let him have this one. This is the kind of thing a person like this will learn from.
Imajerk17 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I salute her for actually calling Big-Kat. Either he "passed her test" or she is really a big enough person to realize she was wrong and apologize. Maybe it's a combo of both. We're all azzholes from time to time. I say give her another chance. 1
Author NYC-BigKat Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 She wants a jerk in her life, you are not jerk material. You are beyond hope. I have to ask this, were you raised by a single mother or in family of only women ? Um...yea kinda. My dad isn't around anymore so its just me & my mom & my cousin comes & goes alot. Anyways um...I'm not saying I'm gonna go back out with her. She's not that pretty really like a 6 1/2 or so but after sending out 100s of messages on pof I was happy she replied & gave me a shot. Does anyone here think things might be better next time with her?
Imajerk17 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Um...yea kinda. My dad isn't around anymore so its just me & my mom & my cousin comes & goes alot. Anyways um...I'm not saying I'm gonna go back out with her. She's not that pretty really like a 6 1/2 or so but after sending out 100s of messages on pof I was happy she replied & gave me a shot. Does anyone here think things might be better next time with her? There's only one way to find out... If nothing else you will get some good stories and some experience out of this. 1
Radu Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Um...yea kinda. My dad isn't around anymore so its just me & my mom & my cousin comes & goes alot. Anyways um...I'm not saying I'm gonna go back out with her. She's not that pretty really like a 6 1/2 or so but after sending out 100s of messages on pof I was happy she replied & gave me a shot. Does anyone here think things might be better next time with her? This girl and many others, do this kind of thing as an unconscious test. It's a test where they want you to assert yourself, to be strong and not be a Welcome mat, because quite frankly ... feminism has changed things. A while back there was this article written by a big feminist, complaining about how wussified men in the West have become. They don't want you to slap them, hit them, or abuse them, they want you to set some boundaries and offer repercusions to 'bad' behaviour. This is normally learned during childhood by observing the relationship between mom and dad, by seeing how dad acts and how mom acts. You are effectively constantly giving them the benefit of the doubt without actually giving any repercusions for bad behaviour. If you date this girl again [and she is interested], she will test you further, she will want you sticking up for yourself. Again, she doesn't want you to hit her, she wants you to stop letting her walk all over you. Unfortunately, because she does this sort of gaming, she is probably not long term relationship material anyway. So yes, go out with her, but try to be a bit more assertive, more confident. If she brings it up, don't apologize for reacting, apologize for how you reacted ... it's a major difference. She did something very bad on that date, she behaved in a very rude manner [over here we say that she wasn't taught manners in the 7yrs of home ... to be interpreted as not being raised right]. It also matters how you apologize, because in the end you didn't kill the someone.
joystickd Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Um...yea kinda. My dad isn't around anymore so its just me & my mom & my cousin comes & goes alot. Anyways um...I'm not saying I'm gonna go back out with her. She's not that pretty really like a 6 1/2 or so but after sending out 100s of messages on pof I was happy she replied & gave me a shot. Does anyone here think things might be better next time with her? Don't date her again. I will say this as a man you have to keep your emotions in check. Next time that happens with a woman do like Phineas suggested. You have to have a zero tolerance for bad behavior. If you go back and talk to her you set the tone of being a sucker. How you start is how you finish so in her eyes you will always be a sucker. Time to move on.
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