Seperate bedrooms

[Radu]

Most men don't understand this, but for women it generally doesn't matter how good the time is when you have time together.

It matters that you have plenty of time together, doesn't matter what you do ... that you two are in each-other's company.

 

It's not that women are selfish, it's that this is how they think.

So the proposition of separate bedrooms is not going to go overly well with them [generally].

 

I honestly don't understand the drama.

If you find the right girl and you want to live together, you will make it work but it won't be a 'she does it your way' or 'you do it her way', it will have to be a compromise ... and judging by your tone you are not ready for this.

 

PS: Real men fit their clothes in 2 suitcases, they are not metrosexuals.

[xxoo]

Having a spare bedroom for when it is needed, along with the extra space it provides for storing "stuff", is a nice luxury for any couple. Who wouldn't want that? But it is a luxury for many, and the increased rent has to be weighed against other places that extra money could go. It might mean living in a less desirable area (suburbs vs city), or less savings, or working more hours and less time together.

 

Having separate bedrooms sounds awful. Completely different.

[Els]

The bf and I have a two-bedroom place, though most of the time we both sleep in my room. His bedroom is mostly a study and a place for him to dump all his stuff and mess up as much as he likes. This has saved us HEAPS of trouble. I am also very sleep-sensitive, so on occasion we have needed to sleep separately due to drastically different schedules, though we try to minimize that whenever possible.

 

I think a compatible partner would be understanding of your need to have a spare bedroom that you sleep in occasionally, though I also feel it would be difficult to find someone who would be okay with you sleeping apart all the time or even the majority of the time. Possible, just difficult. If you do enter into such an arrangement, IMO it is necessary to ascertain that you both get pre-bedtime intimacy as much as possible even if you are actually sleeping apart. Not just sex, but the cuddling, nestling in each others' arms, just lying there together.

 

As for sleeping together, honestly you would not know til you try it and give yourself a few months to get accustomed to it. I always thought that I would never be able to sleep with another person. When the time came to try it, I wanted it badly enough that I was willing to give up some sleep just to be able to fall asleep and wake up in his arms. The first few months was the ninth circle of hell. Eventually I got accustomed to it, and now sometimes I even sleep worse if there is no one beside me . You should at least try it before making decisions about this.

[Radu]

Forgot to add above :

 

I'm also used to sleeping alone, and i have back problems from having been overweight my whole life.

I'm also a very sound sleeper, i abuse the snooze [HA iris219], and i get nightmares from time to time that make me jerk my hands/feet ... i have caused bruises before.

I'm telling you this just so you know where i'm coming from.

 

If you are truly dedicated to her, a compromise can be reached.

[kaylan]

PS: Real men fit their clothes in 2 suitcases, they are not metrosexuals.

riiiiiight Men with style and a good job have plenty of clothing...and especially clothing for work. My dads a lawyer and has many suits and work shoes. He couldnt fit it all in 2 suit cases.

 

I guess if you dont have the money and dont care to display variety for work or women, then 2 suit cases is enough for a wardrobe =)

Edited September 2, 2012 by kaylan

[El Brujo]

I'd never sleep in the same room as anyone else. I snore!

 

Besides, what if you hitched up with some woman who sucks her thumb in bed? Dunno about you, but it would weird me out to wake up to that.

[maybealone]

You will just have to find a woman who feels like you do. And based on women I know, a woman that needs space like you do should not be difficult to find. Separate bedrooms would be a harder sell, but maybe separate beds in one room could be a compromise.

 

For all your stuff, you just need a basement or your own room. My ex and I each had rooms in our house... mine was a spare bedroom and his was half the basement. We each had our own TVs in our rooms and all of our stuff, and they were our rooms to hang out in. If we wanted to hang out together, we hung out in the living room. I don't really see where having a separate place for all your stuff would be difficult, at least not when you get the point where you are renting or owning a home.

 

And for what it's worth, I don't know any cohabitating couples with the same sleep schedule. I think that's a complete nonissue. You get used to each other, you don't wake up when someone goes to bed late or gets up early.

 

The old saying "Where there's a will, there's a way" definitely applies here, as well as finding the right woman. Anything else sounds like excuses to avoid commitment.

[SmileFace]

To be truthful if I lived with a guy I will want 3 rooms. My room, his room and out bedroom. I wouldn't mind not sharing a bed at night but we shouldn't actually have a separate bedroom for it. He can make friends with the couch or the guess bedroom.

[Greznog]

To be truthful if I lived with a guy I will want 3 rooms. My room, his room and out bedroom. I wouldn't mind not sharing a bed at night but we shouldn't actually have a separate bedroom for it. He can make friends with the couch or the guess bedroom.

 

So, a separate bedroom.

[SmileFace]

So, a separate bedroom.

 

Guest.. No, not really since it shouldn't be a common reoccurrence. If it is bad one night and he needs some extra sleep sure but it shouldn't be somewhere that he retreats to on a regular basis. I personally like sleeping with a guy and I mean plastered, tangled with a guy so we wouldn't be matches if he couldn't sleep with me at night time.

 

Anyway it wouldn't be something I complain about. It is something I will try to work around. It wouldnt be ideal for me but that is life. That is like my bf getting injured when we are together and already living together and he has to sleep in a different bed. It wouldn't be ideal but we would find a compromise.

Edited September 2, 2012 by SmileFace

[carhill]

Im wondering if girls in their 20s and 30s would be put off by a guy wanting an auxiliary bed room? The two threads I found on this site had the women not feeling to keen about the idea.

 

Most I know would be (not feeling keen). One of my friend's wives refuses to vacate the marital bed even though her H wears a relatively noisy C-pap machine every night. My exW snored like freight train and I just bought ear plugs. Etc, Etc.

 

If you want to cohabit, you make compromises. That's pretty much it. Nothing in life is perfect. My solution, considered many years prior to getting married, was to buy a big enough house where cohabiting wasn't an issue. My biggest concessions were leaving the master bath to my exW, as well as most of the master closet space. It really wasn't an issue. My exW and I slept together every night we were together (meaning in the same space) until we split up formally. Prior to being married, I had never cohabited with a woman in the 20 some years of adulthood. You adjust.

 

Good luck.

[Radu]

riiiiiight Men with style and a good job have plenty of clothing...and especially clothing for work. My dads a lawyer and has many suits and work shoes. He couldnt fit it all in 2 suit cases.

 

I guess if you dont have the money and dont care to display variety for work or women, then 2 suit cases is enough for a wardrobe =)

 

That's a girl.

 

And lawyers can get by with just the 1 robe.

[mesmerized]

Having a man cave is very common these days.

[mesmerized]

They aren't. Most women prefer to sleep in separate bedrooms/beds. Men(for the most part) want the intimacy of sleeping in the same bed and the woman begrudgingly goes along with it.

 

kaylan: if you meet a woman you won't have to worry about what she'll think about sleeping in separate bedrooms, she more than likely wants it herself... and will probably bring the issue up before you get the chance too.

 

Yeah, not true. Where did you get that from?

[kaylan]

That's a girl.

 

And lawyers can get by with just the 1 robe.

You obviously have no idea how the professional world works. And who the heck wears the same thing all the time in or out of work?

Having a man cave is very common these days.

Is there a chick version?

[Mme. Chaucer]

The only way the sleeping separately angle of this is ever likely to work is if you end up moving in with a woman who likes to sleep in her own bed as much as you like to sleep in yours. Otherwise, you will be rejecting a loved one, whether you mean to or not.

 

Having a room of one's own (thank you, Virginia Woolf, my dear), though, is a very good thing for people.

[SmileFace]

You obviously have no idea how the professional world works. And who the heck wears the same thing all the time in or out of work?

Is there a chick version?

 

Yes it's called the kitchen

 

Jk

[rainfall]

I can't see why someone would have a problem with you wanting a seperate bed because of your back issues. If you are at the point in a relationship where you are ready to move in with someone, they should be understanding of your back problem.

 

I can't understand the need some (mostly) women have where they have to sleep by their partner every night or they assume something is wrong. It reminds me of when one of my friends was dating this chick who would make him go to bed when she did, whether he wanted to or not. He would always wait until she went to sleep then go back downstairs and watch tv, play video games, or something.

[Radu]

You obviously have no idea how the professional world works. And who the heck wears the same thing all the time in or out of work?

This is pretty funny coming from you.

You're a wannabe-yuppie, maybe future professional.

Lawyers tend to wear the same robe.

 

Is there a chick version?

It's called a budoir.

[Star Gazer]

Does a relationship really mean you have to combine every last thing of who you are with someone else? Jeepers

 

A relationship? No. Living with or being married to someone, yes.

 

I've lived with two BFs, and we had separate rooms for our "stuff" - basically, like each having an office with more closet space for extra stuff.

 

But at the end of every single night, we shared the same bed. The relationship bed.

 

Just get a bed that works for your dang back. Sheesh.

[xxoo]

I can't understand the need some (mostly) women have where they have to sleep by their partner every night or they assume something is wrong.

 

For me, it is not a need, but deep want.

 

In younger years, we spent our days moving in separate directions working, taking classes, working second jobs, building careers, etc.

 

In our current years, we spend our days working, taking care of our children, pets, home, cars, etc.

 

Night time has been the only consistent time that we've had together, alone. For a few years, parenting babies and very young children, we didn't even have that time consistently, and it really sucked!

 

Having my partner by my side every night is something I do not take for granted, and would not want to live without long term. We may be sleeping, but we are touching, and I can hear him breathe, and feel his heat, and I look forward to it all day long when I am working my butt off. Sweet comfort and reward.

[Hawaii50]

I worry more about the bed. I need a big bed. my x's tended to sleep sprawled out like a Micheal Jordan symbols while I'm forced to sleep like a mummy on a 1/3 of the bed.

[kaylan]

This is pretty funny coming from you.

You're a wannabe-yuppie, maybe future professional.

Lawyers tend to wear the same robe.

 

It's called a budoir.

Wannabe yuppy? Look kid, until you live in the USA for some time, you have no idea how professionals dress for work, nor do you have a true idea of how men here dress. Even the most average of guys nowadays knows they need variety in their closet for outside of work clothing.

 

And btw...I think my dad being a lawyer, and have many attorney acquaintances, means he and I know what lawyers wear to court and to meeting.

 

Please go.

A relationship? No. Living with or being married to someone, yes.

 

I've lived with two BFs, and we had separate rooms for our "stuff" - basically, like each having an office with more closet space for extra stuff.

 

But at the end of every single night, we shared the same bed. The relationship bed.

 

Just get a bed that works for your dang back. Sheesh.

Im sorry...but living with someone and being married, I still want a sense of self. Especially in regards to my health.

For me, it is not a need, but deep want.

 

In younger years, we spent our days moving in separate directions working, taking classes, working second jobs, building careers, etc.

 

In our current years, we spend our days working, taking care of our children, pets, home, cars, etc.

 

Night time has been the only consistent time that we've had together, alone. For a few years, parenting babies and very young children, we didn't even have that time consistently, and it really sucked!

 

Having my partner by my side every night is something I do not take for granted, and would not want to live without long term. We may be sleeping, but we are touching, and I can hear him breathe, and feel his heat, and I look forward to it all day long when I am working my butt off. Sweet comfort and reward.

And is a couple nights everyone ten days or do that bad? You ladies really cant sleep alone for only a little bit every couple weeks?

Edited September 2, 2012 by kaylan

[snug.bunny]

You can get a Sleep Number Split-King Size Ultimate Gel Memory Foam Adjustable Bed.

[kaylan]

And is a couple nights everyone ten days or do that bad? You ladies really cant sleep alone for only a little bit every couple weeks?

This should read; And is a couple of nights every ten days or so that bad? Bad typo.